Withdrew from mum frenemy and she turned up today!

[Anotherwine]

I met someone who I thought was a mum friend around 2yrs ago but she started showing her true colours criticising other friends children’s behaviour enabling her own children especially one being a nasty bully.

i tried to give constructive feedback but there was always an excuse. I found the final straw when a few others from the group wanted a no drama day trip with the kids to the beach, we were open that we were going as we saw her the same morning before we left and she went mental and threw a fit ~ this is not my type of person. I don’t do cliques and feel everyone is free to do as they wish. When my children don’t get invited to parties I say well that’s life etc. there was a party she was not invited to and she turned up and I just paid as I felt awkward.

anyway today she turns up at my house I saw her on the camera, I had to shut the blinds and hide - this has really freaked me out. She messaged me last about 6 months ago and haven’t seen her since (not at same school). I didn’t reply to last message and ones before I just gave very short replies. Not sure how to not feel on edge now in my own home !

It clearly says “She hasn’t been in my house before”. You don’t have to go into someone’s house to drop someone off.

She would have seen the doorbell camera though. She clearly wanted to be seen. If I hadn’t talked to someone for ages and there was a history of strange dramatics from that person, there is no way I would be thinking it’s innocent behaviour.

OP don’t interact. She wants you to ask her why she was there.

For someone who doesn’t do cliques you sound like the master of them, why would she come to your door and not knock, I am not sure I beleive that.

I thought people on MN don't answer the door unless they are expecting someone (which always seems bizarre) but obviously things have changed.
You don't have to answer the door if you don't want to speak to her. Just message her and say you are very busy for the foreseeable so can't see her. If she persists block her. Surely she'll get the message

Sorry but you are also behaving in an incredible childish way - how old are you all?! Ffs - hiding from someone?! Grow up - have a conversation with her and then move on. Jesus. I swear sometimes I think I live in an alternative reality to some people who think behaving like this is normal!

For someone who doesn’t like drama, you seem to end up in these kind of situations an awful lot…

For heaven’s sake, we have no idea why she was there. Maybe she wanted to apologise. Maybe she was planning to firebomb the OP’s house but was deterred by the ring doorbell. Maybe she was desperate for the loo but lost her nerve. We don’t know.

Picked her up driving past a set back private road? Like one that goes alongside residential Street that is also next to a dual carriageway? So she lingered outside your house and then went back to her car - that is odd as it isn't on her way anywhere as you have said and I would find it strange and uncomfortable too.

you need to work on your self-esteem and assertiveness. You have children - you must learn how to stand up for yourself and for them.

So it’s normal
to drive up to someone’s house unannounced after not responding to 6 months !? Ok then

Exactly.

None of it is normal. It sounds like school girl mean girl behaviour.

We don't have a doorbell cam so not sure I would recognise one nor know it's range.

All sounds a bit bonkers.

Exactly. We don’t know which is why we are speculating. Some, like you, think it’s nothing. My opinion is that it should be treated with caution because it’s weird.

You sound like you are part of a mean girls bitch clique and you lot are the problem, not your 'frenemy'. Referring to her as a 'frenemy' is also absolutely pathetic and reinforces your mean girl bitch clique energy. I think there is more maturity from children in primary school ffs

Because she's a grown woman.

And because if she learned to act like an adult, there'd be no need to be brooding on it after the event, so much that she'd start an internet thread to rehash the whole thing with complete strangers.

It's very odd behaviour.

The door bell wasn't rung tho ... So why would she open her door ?

But tbh op I too am getting mean girl energy and think you need to work on your maturity kindness and positive assertiveness

You are making this all about you, you, you.

She was probably just looking for an address to pick up an ebay item and has no idea you live there at all.

But of course, it's about you.

Because she's a grown woman.

Exactly - which is precisely why she is perfectly entitled to decide who she does and does not admit to her own house.

What is it you’re not getting?!

I'm not getting why you think it's not odd behaviour.

She'd be perfectly entitled to smack herself on the head with a frying pan too, but again - odd behaviour.

You are entitled to not be friends with whoever who want but he an adult about it instead of ghosting people . Closing the blinds and hiding ? Absolutely pathetic and childish

I don’t really understand why you’re turning this into way more of a drama than it needs to be. You’re a grown woman, she can’t force you to be friends with her if you don’t want to be. Why are you behaving like a melodramatic teen about this? You’re turning a very simple situation into something so much more awkward and complicated.

If she’s driven past your home and then walked up the path, she’s going to have noticed that you’ve closed the blinds since she drove past. Unless you have tiny, tiny windows, she’d have to be really unobservant not to have seen. So it’s going to be pretty obvious to her that you’re trying to hide and her knocking at the door wouldn’t be welcome. I’d assume that was why she didn’t actually knock.

She probably is wondering why I don’t want to be friends with her as she imposes on others She may well be. But that’s her problem, not yours. Her wanting answers doesn’t mean that you have to dive behind the sofa or duck behind a tree every time she’s in the vicinity. I am non confrontational and just want peace! Then why is everything you do in relation to this woman designed to be dramatic? If she speaks to you at the school, then be civil. If she asks you to do something or go somewhere, then thank her for the invite but say you’ve got a lot on at the moment. If she keeps pushing then tell her that you don’t want to hurt her feelings but she’s not your cup of tea and you’d really appreciate it if she could just accept that because it’s starting to feel a bit awkward.

Also, as an aside, for as weird as you’re making her out to be, you sound judgemental and dressing that up as you being too nice to deal with any awkwardness.

I too hide in my house when people I don't want to talk to come round. I didn't realise that this was a problem tbh.

Yep - I'd be pretending I wasn't in too.
Couldn't be bothered with the potential drama and disruption to my day.
You've done the right thing OP - just keep grey rocking in every way possible and hopefully she'll get the message.

Except one really fucking hurts and the other has the exact effect you wanted: not seeing the ex-friend.