90 year old male watching naked women on tv

[BetteDavisChin]

My cousin told me that her 90yo dad watches 'Babestation' (ugh, makes me feel queasy just typing that word).
He asked her to fix his phone at the weekend and she saw he had 572 you tube videos on it, some thumbnail stills showing close ups of young women's crotches (clothed).
She was upset and said she couldn't believe that a man of his age was looking at stuff like that. She also told me (which I didn't know before) that in the 60s/70s he used to go to the pub on work lunch times and Sunday afternoons to watch strippers.
I said I agree that it's gross, but try not to judge him, but she wasn't happy with me about that and she left. She hasn't returned my text messages since then.
I am going to give her a few days to process what's happened, then try to contact her again.
But AIBU to also be grossed out by the thought of my aged uncle perving over young women?

I also think this is about ageism,

You think they'd know better but they never do

At what age is it OK for a man to perve over young women?

He probably couldn’t find the babestation channel with the 90 year old women on it

If you think men don't /shouldn't look at naked women no matter what age they are then OK. But honestly if it's the age that bothers you, then at what age would you not go eugh? Because no 2 women will agree on that.

I think it’s a bit more gross if he has young(er) women in as carers giving personal care.
I hope they aren’t having to see any of the porn, that would be sexual harassment in the workplace.

I wonder if this is one of these situations where in the moment, having just found out something that had presented some quite deep feelings for your friend, that maybe she just needed you to listen to how she was feeling about it. But instead maybe by saying ‘try not to judge him’, you’ve offered your judgement (that it’s not a big deal, sort of dismissing it) and fix (try not to judge him) to try and ease her discomfort. It’s really easily done and you shouldn’t feel bad. I’m imagining she’s probably has some quite conflicting feelings which it might be hard to understand if you weren’t in the situation. I don’t think anybody particularly likes thinking of their parents as sexual beings, let alone your dad being into younger women or situations where women are objectified such as in strip clubs, particularly as a daughter / women yourself. You never know it might be making her reevaluate some experiences she had within their family too and whether her dad is who she thought he was - much deeper than simply being grossed out. I would give it a few days to let her process a bit and then send her a message to say you’re really sorry you think you might have misjudged the situation and are here to listen if she wants to talk x

“Man likes looking at attractive women” is hardly a shocker, is it?

I think if he’s always done this then like pp says he’s creepy young man who got old.

If this is new behaviour I’d be concerned that this was a sign of dementia. My poor friend’s dad (who was previously a lovely guy) used to dry hump the sofa cushions when his disease progressed. It was devastating for his family to see him turn into a sex pest and so difficult to take him anywhere.

I'd be more grossed out by a younger man doing it. I know age isn't an excuse for ignorance, but discussions about the negative impact on women from objectifying them is pretty recent and mainly takes place on social media.

Your talking about the days of The Sun having topless models on page 3 and every workshop and office having a calendar of semi naked woman. It was just the way things were then. Lots of places had strippers or exotic dancers or whatever the euphemism was, half the time no one was watching they were all drinking at the bar.

Bit of a leap, given that a) the OP hasn’t mentioned him having carers and b) the material was on his personal phone.

There’s no need to invent scenarios in your head.

Not sure if if there is a babeOAPstation to be honest....

Pretty sure most of the population and many on here indulge in a bit of self pleasure? Even the elderly should be allowed and not judged...

Believe it or not, many of our parents are probably still doing the deed..!

Yes, at the time it was very common for pubs to have strippers and/or topless barmaids. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, but it wouldn’t have been at all unusual at the time for a married man to watch strip acts.

At age 90, he might as well spend his remaining time left on earth enjoying himself. If that's looking at legal porn, then that's up to him. As long as he's not actively perving IRL then it's his own business. I can see it's a problem when she's come across it, but best to say - dad I'm not helping you fix your phone when it's full of porn videos and let someone else do it, probably a bloke who won't give a monkeys.

It is what it is, people don't lose their libido as soon as they hit 70 or 80
Especially if he lives alone or is widowed
I don't even want to mention the stuff we found when clearing elderly family member flat !! You just compartmentalise it
Everyone has a sexual or private side and I suppose it was more normalised to older men to go to sex shops and order magazines etc if they're not paying for sex

At least he's not sending loads of money to ladies overseas or being love scammed... things to look out for

Self-pleasure that doesn’t involve objectification is perfectly possible. Do you have no imagination?

Why are you asking me that question?? I'm not the 90 year old tugging one out over babestation :) :)

Humans are visual animals, its fairly normal and standard that men use porn and quite a lot of women but women arent really motivated as visually as men.

The shock on here about this always makes me laugh, its ridiculous. Its not 'creepy or pervy', it just is and has been since humans were invented and could draw sexual scenes on the inside of caves with charcol.

If you have sons, they will be using it.

I'm wondering what part of fixing someones phone involves going through what youtube videos they have been watching.

Ah, I didn’t see it was on his phone. I did care work for a while and it was not an uncommon situation to have nude/topless pictures around the bedroom or porn on the TV, and it’s not a stretch to think a 90yr old has carers. It’s not an invention, it’s based in experience.

I said I agree that it's gross, but try not to judge him

I would think what she’s upset about is the sanctimonious “don’t judge” bit. When someone is upset about something you should never disregard, shut down, and minimise their feelings by saying something like “don’t judge.” It’s quite rude and not something I’d ever say to a distraught friend.

It’s not like that real is it? There’s a difference between admiring an attractive woman and salivating over crotches on his phone!

👏👏👏

I have to say, I’ve chuckled at the ‘age gap’ comments. As has been said, I don’t think there’s much market for 90 year old porn!
It isn’t a very pleasant thought, I suppose, to think of any family member getting.. excited at strippers or porn or whatever but it is what it is. I don’t think I’d hold it against him, as long as he was an otherwise decent person. I hate to be that person but times have changed a lot since the 60s/70s!