My child is being assaulted

[ImplodingLoading]

DD 7has been assaulted multiple times by 2 boys in her year. She has been punched, slapped, kicked and pushed over.

Schools advice is for her to "keep away from the boys she knows are known to be volatile" so when they are playing whole year games, for example, the school have suggested she "uses clear language to ensure they are ready for theor turn, so as not to provoke their anger" and "when explained to the girls that their are some boys who are prone to angry outbursts, and the girls should avoid being around them"

AIBU, or is this absolutely ridiculous?!

If she was my kid she’d be getting self defence classes and every time one of them went for her I’d be telling her to punch and kick back. They are picking on her for a reason and it needs to be stopped. Maybe a swift punch to the face back might stop them.

Does the school have a website? Read the 'safeguarding' policy
If it supports the outrageous reply from the school, get her out of there and report them to the council
If it does not support it, insist they apply it and sanction the boys involved, or you will be going to the police
And again, report the school to the council

What the hell!!! This is so absurd that it sounds made up! (Not saying it is at all, just that I can't understand it 😲) she would be seen as provoking them! 😡
I wouldn't normally say this, but I'd be going to the papers with the head teachers quotes!

dear me.This is what we have become.

Actually @ImplodingLoading are either of these boys related to staff or the Governors? Am absolutely appalled that they are getting away with so much!

You could put in a safeguarding complaint to ofsted to trigger an inspection and if the school is not dealing with this appropriately when the full circumstances are investigated then they will have to make changes.

It's really hard to judge when you don't have the full picture. I think school must have told thé boys and their parents that hitting is completely unacceptable no matter what the reason is. At the same time they tell your daughter to not go up to these boys since it somehow provokes them. I think it's reasonable to tell both parties to not interact but surveillance should be there at all times in order to tell your dd to not interact with them if she does and to protect your dd from the boys.

I have a SEN child who was bullying a girl (got rightfully suspended for a week and had detentions as well as being punished and talked to at home and psychiatrist) and I have a sensitive child who was bullied by a SEN child so I feel that I can understand all parties here. Violence should never be allowed and always punished. At the same time you need to look at factors to reduce the risk of this happening- especially when there is SEN involved adults need to be proactive and reduce potential triggers.

He wants sacking. I’m so sorry you and she are going through this.

At the school where I work persistent bullies would be banned from the main play areas. But I have seen cases where sneaky bullies approach and wind up certain ( ND) children until they lash out. The bullies are then told to stay away from these children. To not approach them. To not provoke them. The child who lashed out will also be dealt with, but that won’t be any of the business of the bully.

Escalate your concerns to ousted and consider involving the police

I cat really see how that's a problem? Your eldest will be leaving soon. Lots of kids go to different schools to their siblings.

I’m so sorry your daughter is
going through this. As others have said write to the head, it’s easier to get across your points in a logical fashion than face to face with someone who doesn’t want to listen. I would also copy in the chair of the governors. This is just step one, the next step is OFSTED. When was their last inspection? Good luck 🤞

To be fair, fighting back has been the way that victims have made bullies realise they're not a good target for decades. Schools have always been fairly useless at dealing with violent children, sadly.

Complain to the chair of governors. The school/head has not dealt with your complaint in a safe way. The whole point of safeguarding is making sure children are safe. Your daughter is not safe if she is being assaulted at school

It's about time bullied kids took a class action against the education authority/academies. I'm sure a good law firm would take it on.

Sick of 'safeguarding' equalling no safe guard!

I would get a councillor involved, go to the local press and keep her off school. In that time, send her for self defence classes - a martial art would be a good choice.

Sending a big hug to your DD. She doesn't deserve what has happened. The boys should be expelled imo.

I’d want to understand how being in the presence of someone is provoking. I’d also point out that violence is never justified, are the boys being asked to ignore her and work on their behaviour. Surely their impulse to be violent is more problematic for the school than the impulse to bait (not saying she was/is).

Straight to Ofsted

Ah, another poster insinuating that the dd is a bully… and is provoking the violence 🙄

OP, are you aware that your child is in any way antagonising them? They obviously still need to be dealt with, but I can understand why direction to your daughter forms part of the solution if she is.

This is diabolical where are the consequences. Why do these boys thinking hitting girls is OK?! Report this to the governors. I'd be having a stern word with thier parents too. Your child has a right to be safe at school. How the hell can a head be teaching a girl she should be tip toeing around boys and it's her fault for provoking them! What message is that. I'd tell my child if it happens again she is to hit them back as hard as she can. Each and every time it happens you make a complaint and tell the governors. This head sounds awful.

This happens where I work.

We have a very high amount of additional needs and not enough staff. Not all children with additional needs are violent (my own children included!) but they do need time and extra support to navigate social cues, impulsive actions, anxiety and other issues that arise. Staff have sometimes lost learning time in the classroom to unpick what has happened at break and lunch so we can deal with anything that arises.

Due to confidentiality we can’t share what consequences may be put in place which can make parents feel nothing has been done but that isn’t usually the case. I understand that parents may want a child permanently excluded because they want to protect their child but that is very rare. There’s only ever been 1 permanent exclusion where I have worked for 10years. Schools’ hands really are tied.

(As staff members we are regularly verbally abused and sometimes physically too, it’s not a great feeling as an adult let alone a child experiencing it.)

I'm absolutely incensed by this! I presume the head is a man?

No way would I be staying quiet about this, I'd be naming and shaming the head and the school all over social media and contacting as much national media, women's and girls and abuse organisations and charities as possible to spread the word. I'm deadly serious on that.

Absolutely. A shame for any kid of yours if you disagree!

School staff are though. This doesn’t reflect the experiences of others in the wider world but pupils and staff are harmed by children in schools every day.

Having worked in schools, it is extremely difficult to balance the needs of all children, especially when SN is involved.
Posters seem to be seeing this as a girl/misogyny issue. Take that out of the equation, as similar situations are happening more and more in schools, whatever the gender.

No it’s not acceptable, but finance/ resources, lack of actual consequences the school have at their disposal etc, means that these situations are increasing, and will continue to increase. It is a worrying time for education.

Op you need to advocate for your dd, keep a paper trail, ask for everything in writing and insist she’s kept safe- but alongside with this, regardless of all genders, you also need to work with her to keep away from these children. A two pronged approach.