My child is being assaulted

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DD 7has been assaulted multiple times by 2 boys in her year. She has been punched, slapped, kicked and pushed over.

Schools advice is for her to "keep away from the boys she knows are known to be volatile" so when they are playing whole year games, for example, the school have suggested she "uses clear language to ensure they are ready for theor turn, so as not to provoke their anger" and "when explained to the girls that their are some boys who are prone to angry outbursts, and the girls should avoid being around them"

AIBU, or is this absolutely ridiculous?!

Is your MP a woman? I would be very angry indeed about this. The misogyny and victim blaming is something your daughter should never be facing at school.

I’m a teacher and am usually all for seeing the schools side.

This is absolutely awful! Make a fuss! Go to governors. Your poor daughter.

I know and it's teaching the DD that you must not upset or say the wrong thing to boys, girls must keep the peace even to their own detriment no matter what, it happens to adult women too...very depressing

This is what I feel. Absolutely these boys are in the wrong, but thinking about some of our children where I work there are definitely a few children (girls) who lack communication skills and will approach others and not know when to leave them alone (taking their toy baby over, asking the boys to be the daddy, wanting to play kiss chase with the boys). Obviously this might not be true of the girl in this scenario but I do find that our sen children all attract each other which makes it very difficult as they generally all lack some social and communication skills which means the games they want to play together fall apart very quickly.

Also as everyone is bashing boys being violent, the most aggressive child where I work is currently a female. Currently they have got 2 adults working with her temporarily but this is not funded so not sure how long this will continue for.
Also to note that this doesn't make a child unpopular or for others to avoid..the children who hit/kick others are generally popular children and kids seem to understand they are different.

Cannot believe this post!! Your school sounds abysmal! Should be safeguarding your poor DD. At my dc primary they would be straight on this and sorting it out. You need to urgently escalate this higher

As a teacher, I can see the school's perspective, but I can also absolutely see yours and I think they need to be doing more.

From the school's perspective, it sounds like they are dealing with a group of boys whose behaviour is very challenging, and they have advised your daughter repeatedly to stay away from those boys because they don't respond in a positive way to her. I don't see it as victim blaming to state this. If your daughter has been told do not approach those boys, do not ask them to play with you, etc, and she still does this, then the school are going to struggle to manage the situation. I appreciate your daughter has SEN so she might not fully understand, so you need to also reinforce the message with her. I've dealt with countless behavioural issues over the years where certain children rub each other up the wrong way and separation is the only way to deal with it. The break time supervisors can't be everywhere, so there does have to be some level of responsibility on your daughter to stay away from children who she knows will behave violently towards her. If the boys are only violent when provoked/goaded, then the solution is easy - don't provoke, don't goad, don't ask them to play.

I would also say that I am sure these boys are being dealt with each time an incident arises, but the school obviously can't share with you the details of what is happening with another child.

From your perspective, I would be very concerned that your daughter is being physically assaulted repeatedly on school premises and the school aren't doing anything more robust about it to prevent future instances. She could be seriously hurt and they need to be taking firmer action. I would want to know their safeguarding policies are being followed and their plan of action to protect your daughter and her classmates from physical harm from these boys. Get the school's complaints policy and follow it to the letter. There is no point going to the local council or Ofsted or whatever the people on this thread say until you have followed the school's complaints procedure, because both will just ask you if you have done that and then refer you back to it if you haven't. You only go further once you have exhausted the school's complaints procedures.

I am a strident feminist but I would say here - take gender out of the equation. I don't think the school are being sexist. This isn't happening because your daughter is a girl and the other students are boys.

I suppose it's sensible advice to keep away from people who are intent on hurting you. Or those who are your friend one minute and kicking you the next.

I can't comprehend really how we have come to this. Where children are hurting other children on a regular basis.

What fresh hell is this ? It doesn't matter if your child has complex needs they are to be kept safe at school not beaten up, I would contact the head ,form tutor and head of year and tell them you are escalating this to the governors and the council

Unfortunately, l predict this will happen more and more as the Government insists on inclusion for SEND pupils.
There just isn’t the specialist staff or resources.
Specialist schools were closed in the name of inclusion, but we all know it was to save money.

Sympathies OP; similar was happening to me and my friends in primary school over twenty years ago, with the same response. We didn't 'provoke' the boys who went for us, unless you count 'existing in the same classroom'. But we always got the 'aww bless him he has a tough home life/he can't help himself/you must have said something/he thought you were showing off' spiel. Ridiculous.

the children who hit/kick others are generally popular children
really? The pupils who are assaulting others are “popular” and not one member of staff has considered that they are “popular” as the children who are having regular assaults are hoping that being nice to the ones kicking lumps out of them might stop it?🙄

You need to email your concerns. Write dates of incident, what happened, who witnessed them.

When you talk to anyone you email further to our recent conversation where I told you this and you replied that.

You need a paper trail.

The schools anti bullying and behaviour policy is online. Go on chat gpt. Write what's happing to DD. with dates abs what happened. Copy and paste the policies into chat gpt and ask how the school is failing to meet their own policy's. Ask chat got to help you formulate a complaint. Make sure you tell it you are in the uk. Once you get an idea from chat gpt put it into your own words. The school can spot AI a mile off.

Cc in the governors.

The escalate through the complaints procedure.

Also, report all assaults to the police via the non emergency number/ online form. The police won't do anything but having a crime reference number and including it into the school complai ts make put a boot up the schools arse.

I'm going through a very similar issue.

Also,it's unreasonable to expect a child of 7 to self protect. They aren't doing anything wrong by going near the boys. Going near someone isn't against the school rules but hitting someone is. She isnt responsible for other kids behaviour. She also has her own needs. It's hard enough to understand one's on dysregulstion without expecting her to identity other people's.

The response from school sounds bad but I’m guessing they do punish these kids for their behaviour just haven’t stated that and they’ve suggested this just to help the situation too which I don’t think is unreasonable. if the kids aren’t being punished then that’s different but I’m guessing they are.

I think the child is 7?

THIS

Yes the child who is being assaulted and blamed for it is 7.

What I would do is go into the school and go directly to the people who touched my child. I’d scare them. Then the teachers will take it more seriously because they’ll be afraid of having an adult get involved.
yes I know this is not the way others would do it and i accept it’s not mature.

This is very good advice!

This is terrible advice, and wouldn't do a thing to help the situation.

This is ridiculous. They have a duty of care to make sure this doesn't happen and children are kept safe. I would badger the headteacher, school governors, whatever it takes to get this stopped. Sounds like laziness on the school's part.

Yes, the school will take it seriously and quite rightly report to the police if an adult comes in and threatens a child. What stupid advice.

@Ramblingaway is right. If the head blatantly doesn't give a shit about bullying, nothing will change (unless your child learns to fight and beats the bullies up...for which she will then get in trouble for, because schools like this love a double standard). Whilst constantly denying the regular bullying and physical assaults of DS, the head eventually told him he could sit in the office at lunchtime, so effectively isolating and punishing the child being bullied rather than stopping the actual bullies. Unfortunately, I don't have anywhere I can move him to, but if you have the option, I think I would seriously consider moving all your kids. If that's too much upheaval for the eldest, keep them there, as they're old enough to travel to/from school alone, but move the others.

I think I’d be including Ofsted and my MP, too!

I'm a primary school teacher, and if this was my DD, I'd be giving her lessons in how to throw a decent punch. Just sayin'.
Even a hard kick to the shin in some decent school shoes should get the message across.
And when you're dragged in to hear what she's done, bring everything you've said here. You're not willing to raise a passive, fearful little sheep, when there's dangerous thugs in the world. You're raising a woman who isn't afraid to stand up for herself, and if that means dishing out what she's been expected to take, then so be it.

Awful. It teaches both your DD and those awful brats that bullies rule the world.