My child is being assaulted

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DD 7has been assaulted multiple times by 2 boys in her year. She has been punched, slapped, kicked and pushed over.

Schools advice is for her to "keep away from the boys she knows are known to be volatile" so when they are playing whole year games, for example, the school have suggested she "uses clear language to ensure they are ready for theor turn, so as not to provoke their anger" and "when explained to the girls that their are some boys who are prone to angry outbursts, and the girls should avoid being around them"

AIBU, or is this absolutely ridiculous?!

I refused to send my dd to school unless they could guarantee her safety from another child and I said I wasn’t sending my child to school to be assaulted, and would be taking it much further, after months of endless calls and emails with pretty much the same ridiculous nonsense your school have said! They soon managed to put things in place surprisingly 🙄

My daughter is in year 1 and has been injured recently when some of the boys were getting physical. My daughter was just in the wrong place at the wrong time twice in a week on the way to lunch.
Her teachers solution was to send her to lunch early. I explained I didn't want her othered when it wasn't her at fault and surely that just passes the problem on to another innocent child. She said she would go away and discuss with the KS lead. They have come back with supervising on the walk to lunch and staggering the classes so the halls aren't as busy.

I'm surprised by how often the solution is to remove the injured and not improve the behaviour of those causing harm

The problem is, my eldest is in their last year at the same school, and my youngest in the first

Even if she was, is being punched ok?

Not a lot has changed since I was in primary school five decades ago.
Two boys from a nearby all boys' school climbed up on a railing in a side yard at the all girls' school I was in and started insulting the girls I was with.
We were skipping with a large rope with one girl at each end and everyone else running in for skips.

I told them to shut up and go away and leave us alone.
One climbed down from the railing, ran over to me and kicked me as hard as he could in the stomach...
Both boys ran off.
I was brought to my teacher by the other girls as I was doubled over in pain and crying. She sent me to the headmistress who gave out to me for answering back at the boys....
No-one went to the boys' school nearby to address the physical assault against me. It was clearly all my own fault and I should have known better.

Jesus, not only are they not looking after her properly, they are victim blaming. Don't use language to provoke?!
Good luck sorting this out and please use that justified pissed-offness to take on the school. Bloomin awful, sorry OP.
One thing, try and get everything in writing. x

It would be odd behaviour for your daughter to approach boys who were hitting, kicking or punching her.

You need to find out more. Are they really attacking her for no reason?
Are they special needs or have learning difficulties? Is she saying anything when she approaches them?

The school shouldn't be ignoring the fact that your daughter is being attacked. Do the school tell you what happened, or do you hear it from your DD?

I used to help out in DDs school and a small group of boys used to wind up a girl who was autistic.. and she lashed out. They did it deliberately to get a reaction, then they watch a she for into trouble.

They were quite sneaky in winding her up, so a lot of people didn't notice, but her reaction was very clear to see.

Just a thought OP. If the school are not doing anything at all, and this continues, you could tell the police. Then I presume the school will do something after all...

Abuse/assault is against the law, no matter where it happens.

Not that it is pertinent to the post, but DD is ASD/ADHD. She may be approaching the abusers, but only.in an age appropriate/game appropriate manner

Totally unacceptable. I am so sorry.

Violence at school is not acceptable.

I would take this further and move your younger child to another school.

Wtf is be reporting this to governors. School should be safeguarding your DC, not teaching her to keep away from certain areas to allow boys to bully

Get your DD involved on martial arts. The little fuckers wont touch her again. It worked a treat for my DGC

Victim blaming. again.

Exactly what DH and I think... but did you bring on the attack by your actions? That's what it reads like!

What kind of victim blaming crazy BS is this??

They're just teaching her how the Patriarchy works.

Boys can do what they like - especially when it comes to girls - and girls need to learn not to upset boys - ever.

So long as she is a "good girl" she will be "safe".

No. But a bit of self preservation. You’re not going to remove her. Head teacher sounds useless. All she’s got now is to stay away from them.

Get off your high horse it’s a reasonable question, not victim blaming at all. Common sense sometimes prevails, tell your daughter to stay away from these violent 7 year old thugs, however with your drip feed that she has additional needs might not be as clear cut 😊

Still look into changing schools. Your older dd will be done in a few months but younger one will be stuck there for another few years.

I’m a school Governor (albeit HS not Primary) and we have policies for Child Protection and Safeguarding, Behaviour and Anti-Bullying, all of which would apply in this case. I would encourage you to get hold of the relevant policies for your DD’s school and familiarise yourself with them - particularly what responsibilities sit with the school in these types of situations and what actions are available for them to take to address the problem and prevent future recurrence.

You may also find the guidance available here useful:

https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/advice-and-support/making-complaint-about-bullying

Absolutely do not accept that what the school has done so far is sufficient in dealing with this. Push it all the way.

What they are saying is that your dd is provoking kids ( probably those who have a sen or experienced trauma) who she knows are unable to cope with teasing without lashing out.
Seen it so many times, some kids revel in winding up a child who they know will react, and when they do, they step back smelling of roses, get alk the sympathy and enjoy all tbe drama! Tale as old as time!

I mean if her motives were pure, she wouldn't be approaching a kid who had hit her several times before!

That's completely unacceptable, and utterly shameful. The boys should be receiving harsh consequences for those sorts of repeated attacks. At the very least, if they're incapable of keeping their hands to themselves, then they need to be prevented from interacting with other students without close supervision. The school's job is to protect your daughter, not blame her.

That said...is she voluntarily approaching them? If so, why on earth is she repeatedly approaching boys who she knows will hurt her? She needs to learn to keep herself safe, and that involves not putting herself in dangerous situations.

That is a very bad school
Very bad head leadership
I most certainly would be moving the youngest daughter to a different school , whilst organising that ,I would refuse to send her in ,unless they can guarantee she is safe
It's the bare minimum, expecting your child to be safe at school ..if they can't do that ,the child can't relax to learn ,so it's pointless sending her in

Where has the op said her daughter is repeatedly approaching them.
Head teacher said it ,to pass blame from bully to victim
It's a school ,there is going to be times where she is near these boys , moving around school ,going for lunch ,going to the toilet going to playtime ..
It's rediculous and victim blaming to say the the girl she must stay away from the bullies.
How about telling the bullies to keep away from the girl ,and to keep their hands to themselves

No-one gets to teach my daughters that they are responsible for managing the behaviour of males. The importance of this goes well beyond this situation and is a life lesson she can take forward into all future dealings with men. Men and boys are responsible for their own behaviour and managing their own behaviour. They should also have consequences. I wouldn't leave this lying down.

That said, of course she should avoid them. That would be a natural thing to do, surely? Who wants to go near someone who bullies them?