My child is being assaulted

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DD 7has been assaulted multiple times by 2 boys in her year. She has been punched, slapped, kicked and pushed over.

Schools advice is for her to "keep away from the boys she knows are known to be volatile" so when they are playing whole year games, for example, the school have suggested she "uses clear language to ensure they are ready for theor turn, so as not to provoke their anger" and "when explained to the girls that their are some boys who are prone to angry outbursts, and the girls should avoid being around them"

AIBU, or is this absolutely ridiculous?!

Contact the safeguarding governor.

This is so depressing. These kids and their parents know the school’s hands are tied and they can continue their reign of terror in the knowledge that the worst that could happen is they miss playtime.

Think it’s 60 days per school year. Then you need to look at other provisions. Hubs, camps and in some cases a 1:1 and continuous exclusion from the classroom but not the school. All financed by the school. Even then you’re still looking to integrate them back in.

Wow. I had no idea. It must be incredibly frustrating as a teacher to know it’s virtually impossible to exclude one violent child who takes up all the time and attention which could make so much difference to the other 29. It’s no wonder people move house / go to church / pay fees / jump through all the hoops possible to avoid schools where these children dominate.

I'm so sorry this is happening OP. What has happened is totally unacceptable and victim blaming.

I would be taking her to the GP every time she gets bruises from these attacks to create a record of the school failing to safeguard her. Yes, as others have said, complain to the safeguarding governor - follow the schools complaints process.

If these boys are so volatile that someone wanting to play with them causes them to assault that child, they should not be participating in playtime, but should stay inside with a member of staff so they can't assault other children.

Wrong though it is, I would also be looking to move schools for all your children. This is a terrible failure by the Headteacher and senior leadership team - do you really want your children in this school after this?

When you leave, I would leave feedback as to why everywhere you can so as to protect other children. Once you've exhausted the complaints process I believe you can write to Ofsted.

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You either learn to embrace it or become very hateful about it. It’s taken a couple of years for me to accept this is what we have to work with and I can either leave or look at my job from a completely different perspective. This is the future.

I will hope any future grandchildren I have will be homeschooled by a hopefully retired me! Or someone does something about education.

I work in a First school (Reception to Year 4) and what you're being told is absolutely ridiculous. Your daughter is 7 years old, even if she does keep away from the boys, what's stopping them approaching her and telling staff your daughter 'provoked' an angry outburst??? Nothing at all!!

You need to raise this as a safeguarding issue, in writing with the school. They have a duty to keep all children safe. Yes, some children can and do deliberately provoke volatile children, because they know it will create drama, and they find it funny (sad but true). You need to know how the school propose to keep your daughter (and other children) safe from being hit/punched etc. Do these boys have additional needs? Is there specific supervision for them?

I’d go to the governors as the head has not dealt with this appropriately at all.
I remember when DDs so-called friend at school was being nasty to her on their group table - I spoke to the teacher who said she was going to move DD but when I explained what was going on, she moved the ‘friend’ (this was year 5), as she was the perpetrator.
DCs were at a good primary school where bullies and any racist behaviour was dealt with (from my experience).

Yes I'd being doing that, I'd also be contacting Ofsted

Oh my god that’s appalling! My DD was picked on last year but it was just one boy so we told her to hit him back - which worked but prompted an awkward conversation with the school. Honestly if the school had this attitude I would probably consider moving her unfortunately. 2 against 1 is dangerous. I would really kick up and fuss and if that failed I would move her. Are there any other kids who are getting terrorised by these boys? Try and find out because in our case there were three other girls and a wee boy and when all the parents complained as a group we got further.

Practically, it does seem better for her to avoid those boys if that is how they are behaving without consequence.

However, that advice would be sound at the end of a sentence like, the boys behaviour is completely unacceptable and we will be teaching them this will not be allowed at school.

@SandyY2KDid you report what you saw to the staff? I bloody hope so!

OMG is this school for real? Is your child the only one targeted as it sounds like they are warning all the girls not to provoke men which is not acceptable teaching at all. You would never send your child to a nursery or childminder where they were unsafe so why are people expected to send children to school where they cannot be kept safe. I am sure there will be people on here who can give you advice on where to turn for more help as the school seem clueless. It makes my blood boil as I have a granddaughter the same age.

As a teacher that response sounds to me as if the school feel like your DD is provoking the boys somehow. Which could be name calling etc.

I'm not accusing your DD of this I just know that this is what we tell parents of the provoker. I'd recommend talking to the school again

Spoke to the head who said "I have explained to x name (my child), that she should stay away from boys she knows can be prone to angry outbursts, and if she approaches them, we will see that as her provoking them"

I almost had a nosebleed when I read that bit of victim-blaming. A brave little girl tries to stand up to aggressive males, or perhaps she’s trying to pacify them by making friendly overtures. Maybe neither is a good idea, but she’s seven years old, FFS.

Adults, including that cowardly head, should be in control and dealing with antisocial behaviour. That means preventing male violence, not teaching children to give in.

Love and sympathy to you and your daughter, OP.

How do you know for sure this is the case?

Have you spoken to her about what she's saying?

For the record: Whatever the outcome, its still totally unacceptable for the boys to go near your daughter BTW. They sound savage and the school needs to step up.

A boy in my granddaughter’s class has SEN. He regularly puts his hands on other children, kicks, shakes them etc. The kids, particularly the girls, have been told that it’s ‘his way of talking/getting attention’. I understand SEN - worked in it for years - but surely, that message says that it’s ok for a male to do what he wants to girls.

Ridiculous! Why should it be up to a 7yo child to stay out of their way? They are hurting her fgs! They need to be dealt with or removed. Bloody hell, this kind of thing makes me so mad.

It doesn’t matter if an older DC is in the same school. You need to protect her. Poor child.
Also does she understand the situation? Could social stories help her to understand what is happening? Could she do with a 1:1? Could you fight for one for her?

And this is why society has gone to shit...

You should formally complain using the school complaints policy. Look on their website.

I pulled my dd from school because of shit like this. I complained and was essentially told there were too many disruptive violent boys teacher cannot be everywhere at once. It was all put on the girls to mitigate and manage. Dd came out of school once with dried blood around a cut and bump on her head and when I asked she explained she’s been run down at break but there were no staff to help her as they were dealing with the boys behaviour and she’d been handed off to another 8year old to take her to the toilet an clean her up.

this is the state of some of our schools now

This made my blood boil, I'd be going to battle with the school over this. I'd probably report it to the police as assault. Not that I think they'd do anything, more because I can be an arsehole when riled. Please don't let them do this to your daughter, their behaviour isn't hers to manage and they absolutely shouldn't be teaching her to modify her behaviour to avoid males wrath. I think you should just pull her out the school, they clearly don't have the right values 💐

You have to go straight to the Governers with this. This is completely unacceptable. I work in a school. We know there are children prone to such behaviour and actively manage it to avoid exactly the situation you describe. If the school are doing nothing, then take it to the Governers and let them intervene. Absolutely not acceptable on any level.