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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want to do party bags

215 replies

GoingCrazy643 · 13/02/2026 18:55

I'm an immigrant to the UK. Been here 17 years (with a few stints abroad), DH is British. I now have a child of my own and he's getting to an age where birthday parties will be important. WTF is with people's obsession with party bags? What fresh hell is this where I have to spend more money (and much more importantly right now, time and mental energy) on gifts for my child's guests? Honestly the concept is insane. Where I grew up, host provides cakes/food/entertainment and guests brought gifts for the birthday girl/boy. End of story.

How big of a faux pas is it to not give party bags???

DH thinks they're very important.

Edit: For context, we are temporarily living abroad with DH's job but moving back to the UK next month and this is just a conversation that came up about the future. My OP seems a bit angrier than I actually feel 😅 I'm more confused than angry.

OP posts:
Lighterandbrighter · 13/02/2026 18:57

100% a five year old will be expecting and excited about a party bag. They love that plastic tat.

Also, no parents like giving or recieving party bags. But if you have a party for young kids, they are part of the deal.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 13/02/2026 18:59

My 4 yo wouldn't want to leave without a party bag. Handing those bad boys out is the point when you know the nightmare is over and everyone fucks off.

didgeridid · 13/02/2026 19:01

I've only done one plastic tat one and I hated doing it. The other I did one with bird seed in a hesian bag and one was a colour changing cup filled with sweets.
We are away for her birthday this year so don't need to worry and I'm hoping we won't be doing them the year after!
I hate the plastic tat

Coffeeishot · 13/02/2026 19:01

NoArmaniNoPunani · 13/02/2026 18:59

My 4 yo wouldn't want to leave without a party bag. Handing those bad boys out is the point when you know the nightmare is over and everyone fucks off.

HA yes this 😂 op do some cake bubbles and stickers job done.

AgnesMcDoo · 13/02/2026 19:01

Kids love party bags.
All the children will expect them

but get DH to do them as he is enthusiastic about them.

Brewtiful · 13/02/2026 19:02

It's one of those things you do for small children in the same category as watching the dances they've made up or laughing when they think they've told a funny joke. No one enjoys it but it's most children's favourite part of a party and it's hardly an expensive or arduous task. Ten minutes in any supermarket grab some stickers, sweets, party bags and something from the party aisle, that all that is required.

ibblebibbledibble · 13/02/2026 19:02

You’ll forever be known as the party where they didn’t get party bags 🤣 it’s a great way to signal to everyone that it’s the end of the party, kids are happy to go off with their little bag of goodies. As my kids have got older we transitioned to just a sweetie cone and a piece of cake, could never not give anything.

chickenwings2 · 13/02/2026 19:03

Did em once and felt terrible for the adding to landfill and decided never to do them again! Some people are like WTH but I don’t care what they think I’ve done a lids party and if that ain’t good enough then that’s their problem

Morepositivemum · 13/02/2026 19:04

Some haribo sweets, crisps, bubbles and a plastic gold medal. My kids have kept all the gold medals and used them to have competitions hence I don’t think of them as tat!

ThejoyofNC · 13/02/2026 19:04

Ordering some crap and stuffing it in the bags really isn't hard work OP. Why can't your DH do them?

Rizzz · 13/02/2026 19:04

Where I grew up, host provides cakes/food/entertainment and guests brought gifts for the birthday girl/boy. End of story.

You won't be having the party where you grew up so it's irrelivent.

Party bags aren't mandatory.

If your DH thinks they're important he can deal with them.

If you don't like the customs in any country you find yourself living in you don't have to follow them.

Shutuptrevor · 13/02/2026 19:06

I’m a bit agog at the bird seed in hessian bag idea…

OP, if you’re time poor but cash less poor you can buy pre filled ones but yes, sadly they do seem to be expected.

TheChosenTwo · 13/02/2026 19:06

They’re not mandatory but as dh thinks they’re very important he can do them.

Disclaimer - I did always do them and didn’t find it much in the way of hassle or hard work but I’m neutral about them in general, do them or don’t - it doesn’t really matter!

Original poster
GoingCrazy643 · 13/02/2026 19:06

Rizzz · 13/02/2026 19:04

Where I grew up, host provides cakes/food/entertainment and guests brought gifts for the birthday girl/boy. End of story.

You won't be having the party where you grew up so it's irrelivent.

Party bags aren't mandatory.

If your DH thinks they're important he can deal with them.

If you don't like the customs in any country you find yourself living in you don't have to follow them.

Edited

LOL. I'm not criticizing the UK. You can sit back and relax. I am explaining why I don't understand the concept and thought it was optional.

Sorry for being a bad immigrant.

OP posts:
Elmo230885 · 13/02/2026 19:06

Personally I much preferred the parties where the kids were handed a slice of cake and could pick a book on the way out than the plastic rubbish party bags. Even sweetie cones are preferable.
I agree that there needs to be something, you'll never get rid of people without something being given out.

TheGoodOnesAreAllGone · 13/02/2026 19:08

YANBU to not want to do them
YABU if you don't actually do something

My kid is 11 now so those days are behind us thank goodness! I hate all the plastic tat that ends up in landfill. We just did sweet cones for the last party. I made them myself as I didn't mind doing it, you can pick them up for a couple of quid each if you can't be arsed

slumdogminulet · 13/02/2026 19:08

You can keep them really simple - a cake, some sweets and some bubble mixture is perfect!

ShodAndShadySenators · 13/02/2026 19:09

They are a great way of signalling that the party is over and you're expected to leave, there is that. They don't have to be amazing or expensive, as PPs have said just a pot of bubbles, sticker, mini bag of Haribo and a piece of birthday cake and you're good to go. Get your DH to do them if you can't bear the hassle.

I didn't get them when I was a kid but it does seem to be the base standard now, so if you don't mind your dc's friends standing there looking bewildered while you chuck their coats at them, feel free to ignore social convention.

TheBlueKoala · 13/02/2026 19:10

An alternative to party bag is to just buy bags with mixed sweets in. It's cheaper, you won't deal with plastic landfill tat, takes no time and the best is that the children are perfectly happy with this. I was a sahm so I had the time (and ok I admit I actually liked doing party bags but I'm weird- and I wouldn't have liked it if my time was limited as for a working mum) but every time my ds got one haribo mix as a party bag he was really happy so if you don't have time/don't enjoy it then don't do it.

MayaPinion · 13/02/2026 19:10

Go to Poundland and buy everyone a bag of Haribos. Job done.

Original poster
GoingCrazy643 · 13/02/2026 19:10

OK that's me told. DS will have party bags 😅

I do like the idea that it signals the end of the party. I'll go with that, it will make me feel better about it 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
GoingCrazy643 · 13/02/2026 19:12

ShodAndShadySenators · 13/02/2026 19:09

They are a great way of signalling that the party is over and you're expected to leave, there is that. They don't have to be amazing or expensive, as PPs have said just a pot of bubbles, sticker, mini bag of Haribo and a piece of birthday cake and you're good to go. Get your DH to do them if you can't bear the hassle.

I didn't get them when I was a kid but it does seem to be the base standard now, so if you don't mind your dc's friends standing there looking bewildered while you chuck their coats at them, feel free to ignore social convention.

You really made me laugh with the last part, that would be the kind of thing a kid would be bringing up in therapy in 30 years' time 😅

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/02/2026 19:13

@GoingCrazy643 - I’m sorry, but I do think you (or dh) are going to have to do party bags - they are expected at parties for younger children. But I don’t think you have to spend a fortune or put in lots of plastic tat - I would put in bubbles, a balloon, stickers and sweets.

I did once buy craft kits instead of party bags, and when I explained to the party attendees that the craft kits were instead of a party bag, at least one child asked if they could have the party bag instead, so I never tried that again. I had three dses, which mean a lot of party bags, and by the end, I was just filling the bags with sweets - one quick trip round the pound shop sweet section, fill the bags and done.

worcesterpear · 13/02/2026 19:14

It is a good way to finish the party and stop people lingering, also once you have piece of cake in that nearly fills the bag so you only need eg a small chocolate bar/bag of sweets/some cheap fillers from B&M etc. After a couple of years, you could just give a piece of cake and a balloon, or once i did like a cellophane cone filled with sweets, they seemed popular.

Figgygal · 13/02/2026 19:15

I've always thanked my lucky stars that ds bday was in December and we would just do selection boxes
Never did party bags for him