I don't want to do party bags

[GoingCrazy643]

I'm an immigrant to the UK. Been here 17 years (with a few stints abroad), DH is British. I now have a child of my own and he's getting to an age where birthday parties will be important. WTF is with people's obsession with party bags? What fresh hell is this where I have to spend more money (and much more importantly right now, time and mental energy) on gifts for my child's guests? Honestly the concept is insane. Where I grew up, host provides cakes/food/entertainment and guests brought gifts for the birthday girl/boy. End of story.

How big of a faux pas is it to not give party bags???

DH thinks they're very important.

Edit: For context, we are temporarily living abroad with DH's job but moving back to the UK next month and this is just a conversation that came up about the future. My OP seems a bit angrier than I actually feel 😅 I'm more confused than angry.

This.

It's a small price to pay to ensure that every kid has fucked off within 5 mins of the stated end time of the party.

What a load of insufferable bollocks.
If you were so concerned with landfill I assume you told the guests not to bring any gifts? No, thought not.
Hypocrisy at its finest.

Buy cheap cotton bags and felt tip pens and let them make their own party bags. Keeps ‘em quiet and still for a few minutes.

Do activities where they make something to take home in said party bag eg bracelets with letter beads so they can do their names, Lego mini figures, scratch art, bloody bastard loom bands.

Theme it if you can, makes it slightly less tedious. I once sent a dozen lads at a football party home with footballs after I found them on offer at Sports Direct (that was a fun trip back to the car). Do not, however, also include referee whistles like what I did, if you actually like the other parents.

If you do a piñata put the winnings in the party bag. Nowt like watching kids smashing the fuck out of a butterfly or donkey for 12p worth of sweets.

Stockpile all the shite your child brings home from other parties and do a lucky dip. Add some random vegetables for your own amusement.

I stopped doing party bags as I hated all the tat
What I did do was put a piece of birthday cake in a bag for each child to take home.

As a fellow expat in the UK, I have read that too (on Mumsnet), but so far every single party we've been too the cake was eaten at the party. Kids are 2 and 4.
Maybe it's regional, but I was relieved! Not sure what I'm supposed to do with 1 slice of cake in a paper napkin after the party...

You also do have to provide a lot of "party food" though, which I don't really get. Cold Pizza, soggy sandwiches and cucumber sticks at 3pm isn't my idea of kids fun, but hey...

You don't have to do them, don't give in to peer pressure or pester power.

If you don't do them, make sure the parents know. Say you are concerned about plastic tat, or supporting particular places because of the way they apparently treat their staff. Or make a charity donation instead and so children even at that age can become aware of those who are much less fortunate than themselves.

Some kids actually ask for them. My nephew is 11 and still does! if your partner is so into it then he should take the onus to do them. We done them in various forms over the years but we tend to have family parties rather we than with school friends.

I never add cake to the party bag as it gets eaten, but if there’s leftover then wrap it up and add it.

Top tip: I assume you’ll be new to an area, a great way to make new friends is get a few bottles of wine in for the parents who are forced to stay (I assume you have a young child?)

I'll come to your party 😁

But why?? I mean in every other country you sit down and actually eat the cake together. Instead of these paper napkins thing. Like why isn't sharing the cake together a thing? It's so natural to blow out the candles, cut up cake and eat it. I just can not get this. Us it because you don't want to use plates/spoons ? Ikea sells plastic reusable ones.

If you type in ‘party bag fillers’ on Amazon you get a load of tat for about £12. Add some party bags and a few sweets and you can bring the whole lot in for under £20.

I didn't do party bags for either of my two children.
Some of their friends parents didn't either.
It's absolute rubbish to say you have to, or your child will be ostracized if you don't.
Interestingly after the first party when I told the expectant little darlings standing at the door that they could take a balloon but there was nothing else...quite a few parents were pleased and followed suit.
It's not compulsory...

No. It's just good manners to give a token of some sort.

OP just to add to your load, the primary kids here all take sweets and or cake for their classmates to take home after school!!!

My twins' birthday usually falls around Easter. I once did an Easter egg hunt and that was their treat instead of party bags - party activity and gift in one. It was when they were in Reception so they'd all just learnt to read their names, and they were super cute running around our garden helping each other find their eggs! Big success.

Im 55, and we had them.

I am also (nearly) 55 i can only remember getting cake home.

I refuse to do them. We just put cake in boxes and give that out. There’s so much waste around kids already, you don’t need more

Both my children had birthdays nearish Easter and I use to give out an Easter Egg to each child as they left.

OP, I hate to add to the “fresh hell” that is party bags but when my daughter had a couple of “whole class parties” I did a few extra party bags on top of the number of kids that were invited. I knew there were approx 2/3 of these kids who had (CF) mums that brought (uninvited) siblings and they would ask for party bags too!! 😱
Hence why my daughter only had two whole class parties (the cheeky f*ckery of a couple of mums, and also COVID meant for two years running she couldn’t have birthday parties)
Thankfully my DD is at the age now it’s only a select few friends for a meal, mocktails and a giant cookie shared between the girls afterwards at my house.
Good luck OP!

The party bag is the signal the party has finished. If you don't give them, everyone will stand around not sure what to do, and it will feel awkward. It doesn't have to be expensive, a slice of cake, maybe some stickers or a little tune of bubbles. Can be done for about 50p

An ex SiL of mine once dished out Swatch watches to her dc’s 5 year old party guests.

Just one reason she was an ex not long afterwards! Spend, spend, spend….

I was to trying to be a snob, but I see why it came off like that and it wasn’t intentional. I was trying to say that people I know who are quite affluent, some don’t bother at all, some it’s a book, some it’s a bag with something home made. I’ve not experienced plastic tat, so I don’t think it’s mandatory or anyone would think you’re cheap if you don’t do it.

Noooooooooooo!
We're relying on people like yourself to help break the grip that party bags have on the national psyche!
Be a maverick! Be a renegade! We, the planet, and wallets all over the country will thank you. A statue may be raised in your honour!