I don't want to do party bags

[GoingCrazy643]

I'm an immigrant to the UK. Been here 17 years (with a few stints abroad), DH is British. I now have a child of my own and he's getting to an age where birthday parties will be important. WTF is with people's obsession with party bags? What fresh hell is this where I have to spend more money (and much more importantly right now, time and mental energy) on gifts for my child's guests? Honestly the concept is insane. Where I grew up, host provides cakes/food/entertainment and guests brought gifts for the birthday girl/boy. End of story.

How big of a faux pas is it to not give party bags???

DH thinks they're very important.

Edit: For context, we are temporarily living abroad with DH's job but moving back to the UK next month and this is just a conversation that came up about the future. My OP seems a bit angrier than I actually feel 😅 I'm more confused than angry.

Please don’t put a whistle or recorder it!
ypu can buy the spy pens and note books, sweet cones, tattoos, bouncy ball. Most of those things get used. If only once.
girls are easier as you can buy hair bands and lip balms.
Party bags are fun to do when the kids get older and you only have a few to put together.

I have never done party bags and just send them home with some cake wrapped in a napkin.

your money and efforts can be better spent elsewhere

Agree with a PP, party bags are the only thing that makes people leave 😂

everyone loves those little men with sticky feet that flip flops down the window
This is a true fact. Dd managed to get one to hang from her bedroom ceiling for a whole month. No lollipop has that kind of longevity

I’ve never done a party bag and never will. We are at an international school and 90% of the time there aren’t party bag (the 1 exception the mum is America and they are usually theme led and incredible)
I think it’s very school dependant- op are they going into a British state school?

Football party- pack of Match Attax, sweets and cake. I actually loved doing party bags. I bake, so always made individually wrapped cupcakes for the bags; great way to fill them. Plus, if my son didn’t want his cake, I always enjoyed eating ! The last party DS had before he stopped, I gave them all a bottle of Prime (when it was still a novelty).

I mean, as another foreigner, it's the nationally accepted symbol to fuck off. I'd concentrate your efforts on making them as un-full of plastic crap as possible. Or hand to DH.

Other successful bits I've used include:
Tiny cars that you pull back and they zoom forward
Mini fake lego sets
Novelty mini pens with four colours that you click on or off

My dc received a ruler in a party bag once and you can never have too many rulers.

No party bags here, have given books when they were little. Hand a slice of cake (wrapped) now leave the party 🤣

Absolute bollocks forever remembered, kids remember the party not the plastic crap.

We just had a party last week- one pack of goldfish shaped crackers, one of those dried fruit roll snacks and one mini toy. The kids all get those snacks at lunch probably but still more exciting in a loot bag. Next year I’ll skip the toy unless the kids are at the shop with me.

Also fantastic are those hollow tubes that concertina into themselves and you pull them and they make a brrp noise. Endless joy.

If you think a lollipop is better than this you're a philistine

Party bags definitely a thing in the 90s. Piece of cake, tooter, balloon, and then some piece of tat.

I agree that you need to do something. Kids love the tat but the plastic makes me anxious so I try to do either things like pencils and puzzle books for sightly older kids. Pokémon cards are a bizarre hit, too.

The book idea is nice but they are always a bit of a disappointment to a kid. As a parent I prefer the books!

It’s fine not to do one but be prepared for a few ‘Where’s the party bags?’ And some mortified shushing from the other parents.

I must be odd though as I love doing them, but I keep the plastic tat to minimum. This year it’s little ceramic painting kits, sweets, some stickers, Pokemon card, cupcake in a box and some little puzzle books. The best ones we did were felt animal masks, DD1 still plays with hers now and it was 3 years ago!

Slice of cake & choose a book, or sweetcone, or selection box (near xmas), easter egg (near easter).
No plastic tat here...kids are in it for the sugar!

As a parent I hate party bags - always full of tat that should be binned but the kids insist on keeping like mini slinkies stickers bouncy balls!

my kids on the other hand love them and there have been a couple of parties where no party bags have been given and they’ve genuinely been really confused and disappointed

the best party bags have been the following

xmas bday - a bauble for the tree
xmas bday - grow your own xmas tree
spring bday - mini plant pot with seeds / Sainsbury always have a great selection of kids grow your own pots for £2
autumn bday- grow your own pumpkin seeds
big box of books - the ones you can get from the works 10 for £10 and the kids chose one at the end
hair scrunchies! Always come in handy love them!
older kids - kids spa type things - at home facial and nail polish

Even for adults, it's totally normal to get a goodbye gift/goodie bag at exclusive marketing events, launch parties or galas. In most European balls, women are also gifted something at the event and it's a traditional that's been going since medieval times.

It's simply good etiquette to provide something to the guest as a thank you for taking the time too attend. And it's equally important that children learn their presence at a party is valued and they will receive a token thank you gift when leaving. Also gives them something to look forward to and extends the party feeling longer.

There's also an argument to be made for generosity. Of course, nobody is forced to spend over their budget but being a good host invariably means erring on the side of generosity. If in doubt, do more. A party bag is really not that big of a deal and not a single child would prefer a party without one. To be honest, the only parties we went to without party bags were from families who were notoriously stingy and frugal. It's felt "ok" as it was almost to be expected. But there's not point trying to frame the reason for not making bags as environmental, anti consumerism or some other faux-lofty cause, when everyone in the class DEFINITELY all know who the cheapskates are.

You say it’s a month away. My DS birthday is always around Easter and I used to give a small Easter egg instead of a party bag. No massive effort but always very well received especially if they got an egg to eat early!

Hahahahaha. I'm usually already so exhausted from small talk and over stimulated by the party that I just want to leave and it's hell trying to peel DD away from the festivities. I love the sentence "If we don't leave now they might run out of party bags" because it works like a charm and she's in a great mood all the way home.

Hahahahhaha

I did a lucky dip once with toys which matched the party theme. The children all got a bit of cake and a toy from the lucky dip - they were very excited and it was cheap to buy a set of toys.

It’s become a tradition. I curse whoever started it. You don’t have to follow.
In my day the end of a party was signalled by the blowing out of candles, frantic slicing and wrapping while a final round of ‘pass the parcel’ took place and everyone being given a bit of cake wrapped in a napkin on the way out the door.

i think my DC looks forward to the party bag most in a strange sort of way 🤪

If everyone hates doing them, why are they a thing? "My 4 year old expects one when they go to a party"... maybe teach your child some manners that they should be happy they just got free food, free entertainment and a day out with their friends? My daughter is 4 and there's no way she would start kicking up a fuss after a party because she didn't get a bloody bag!

Sticky yellow men thirded. I’ve had a particularly tenacious one on my kitchen ceiling beam since December 2018.

OP - they adore party bags, but it’s only for a short time. After age 7 I switched to £5 book tokens and a bit of cake in a paper napkin as the code for “time to fuck off home now”.

Best ones I did were Star Wars books. I bought two 10-book sets from a remainder store, and gave them out with the wrapped up slice of cake. No more expensive than making up party bags and no plastic tat. They loved them.