I don't want to do party bags

[GoingCrazy643]

I'm an immigrant to the UK. Been here 17 years (with a few stints abroad), DH is British. I now have a child of my own and he's getting to an age where birthday parties will be important. WTF is with people's obsession with party bags? What fresh hell is this where I have to spend more money (and much more importantly right now, time and mental energy) on gifts for my child's guests? Honestly the concept is insane. Where I grew up, host provides cakes/food/entertainment and guests brought gifts for the birthday girl/boy. End of story.

How big of a faux pas is it to not give party bags???

DH thinks they're very important.

Edit: For context, we are temporarily living abroad with DH's job but moving back to the UK next month and this is just a conversation that came up about the future. My OP seems a bit angrier than I actually feel 😅 I'm more confused than angry.

It’s not compulsory of course, no aspect of a party is compulsory, but it is normal and expected. I would have been cringing myself inside out if kids were visibly waiting for their party bags and I’d had to tell them there weren’t any. I think the hysteria about “waste” is misplaced (and largely posturing). It’s possible to be mindful about what you put in them if it’s important to you to eschew all plastics - but in my experience kids love bubbles/bouncy balls/stickers/whistles, even if their parents like performatively sneering at “tat”.

Im another one who liked making up party bags 🙈 I’d usually get bubbles/bouncy balls/those little pull back cars from a pound shop or amazon. Tesco was good for stuff IIRC. Then stickers, a party blower thing 🥳 and a couple of sweets options.

Those mini kinder bars were good as you got packs of eight or ten for not a lot of money, and mini packs of millions sweets were quite cheap too.

I did avoid mini haribo though as DS had several Muslim kids in his class.

One year I had a pile of bits and pieces left over from other years so wrapped them and did a lucky dip.

One year he had a tennis party which makes us sound dead posh 🤣 but the local tennis club were trying it out so I got a good deal. That was also when Poundworld went out of business so I got 30 ‘tennis sets’ for about £12 or something which was a bit different.

I always thought the ten pack of books thing sounded great in principle but that only works if you have thirty bookworms and none like my DS who has sadly always been indifferent about reading. And the ‘fun of picking a book’ is great for the first in the queue but less so for the ones getting the rejected books at the end.

I think you need to give something. You can do party bags cheaply - cake, sweets and something toy like (bubbles, stationary, amazon bits) OR as PP says give a book OR a sweetie cone or bag of sweets. I've seen selection boxes and Easter eggs done which is a bit naff but the kids would be happy with it.

You cut the cake and give it to them in the party bag to take home as presumably they will eat biscuits etc and hopefully some proper food at the party.

Oh and balloons on sticks too 😃 the first year I made the mistake of blowing balloons up but boat loads burst and I got very sore fingers. The year after I found the balloon sticks on eBay or Amazon and stuck one in the bag with a balloon their parent could inflate for them 😃 They were a massive hit according to a few of the parents who messaged to say thanks for the party

When in Rome ... Party bags will be expected. A slice of birthday cake, a few pencils/crayons, colouring book, rubber bouncing ball etc. Nothing expensive.

It's absolutely fine to just put the cake into a bag and give it to the children.

People say 'this has to be done' and keep doing something that is totally unnecessary because everyone else does.

Someone has to be the first person to do things differently - and put up with the bitching and moaning about it.

My now 25 year old went to a birthday party as a 6 year old and left with a piece of cake and £1 kite. We had a great time on the beach a few weeks later with that kite.

Thank you for bringing this up, OP. I’m filing this away for the next time someone on here starts complaining about trick or treating, Valentine’s cards for primary schoolers, or “gender/sex reveal” parties.

Party bags for children!! 😲Somebody better go fan Al Gore.

Please do not do this crap effort. Everyone I know loathes these horrible cheap sweets and it just goes in to bin.
The works does 10 for 10 books, such a better alternative. Amazon has loads of party bag fillers too. I think the party bag is one of the highlights too.

I like the book idea and mentioned similar but everyone you know hates Haribo? Really?

Like you, I teally didn't like the concept. However, I've now come round to it after going to numerous birthday parties, and having hosted a dozen.
They're a sweet little thank you gift for turning up and helping the birthday girl or boy celebrate their special day. Don't spend a lot of money on them, and avoid plastic (easier said than done but it's doable). Seeds to grow, a little wooden fidget toy, some sweets, a keyring , some stickers and that should keep them.happy.

Actually yes. It would be embarrassing handing out a bag of cheap sweets as the party favour and I know across my kids schools and parties no one has ever given this out.

I'm not in the UK but people where I live do party bags so it's not just a UK thing! I like them because they get little kids distracted and out of the door.

I don't like plastic tat either. I did paper bags with snacks and a colouring book.

I find this almost impossible to believe. Haribo is a standard sweet given to children in lots of scenarios. If no one at your child's school gives out haribo to celebrate a friend's birthday what do they give out?

One year we did cake and a balloon. Not a cash issue, just don’t like party bags. No one complained - children were happy.

Buy a bumper pack of books. Mr Men or Little Miss ones are good. Wrap the books with a tiny packet of Haribo and have the kids pull them out of a brantub at the end of the party. They love this. Spoilt little gits.

Where and when did you grow up? They were always at every kids party in the UK from at least the late 70s. Some sweets, a piece of the birthday cake, a "party blower", a balloon, a finger monster. A childrens party isnt complete without one!

I think prior to the 70s just going home with a wrapped up piece of cake was the done thing.

Sweet cones. Sorted.

@Isthateveryonethen you throw Haribo in the bin?
I find it very difficult to believe your entire circle of parent friends and acquaintances is also so dismissive of what you think of as "cheap sweets". How odd and ungrateful.

I’ve been to loads of parties where there’s been books at the end and you choose a new book, it’s what I did at DD party as well. Way better than all the plastic tat that gets broken by the time you’ve got home. the works do 10 books for £10

YANBU OP,
Fellow immigrant here, been in the UK many years and still think party bags are mad and ridiculous. The host provides the food and entertainment, guests bring the gifts that's it. Party bags are like gifts for the guests too, which makes no sense. Can make the party much more expensive and often is tat, pointless!
However, I do understand it's standard here and I dont want to disappoint the sweet little kids, so like other posters, I too ended up compromising. Chose eco friendly things, e.g. seed kit for planting (child friendly) and books or mini-size games they'll actually play with. At least makes me feel better.

Across two kids and various schools we’ve never received or given a bag of Haribo sweets. I’m actually not even joking. I’ve always assumed they were just cheap sweets and only received it twice not from school parties and they were just thrown away. I really have not seen this in our school parties. And my kids have never received a party bag with sweets, a chocolate maybe but not sweets. It’s always something useful like books.

I grew up in Ireland in the 1980s. I don’t have kids so maybe party bags are a thing here now, I’ve no idea. They sound like a headache, surely a party is enough for a child, it seems a bit much to expect to be going home with a gift too.

Yes, you bring out the cake, sing happy birthday and blow out the candles. Then you cut the cake up and wrap slices up into napkins/serviettes and put one in each party bag that the guest takes home with them. 🙂 You don't usually actually eat the cake at the party.