I don't want to do party bags

[GoingCrazy643]

I'm an immigrant to the UK. Been here 17 years (with a few stints abroad), DH is British. I now have a child of my own and he's getting to an age where birthday parties will be important. WTF is with people's obsession with party bags? What fresh hell is this where I have to spend more money (and much more importantly right now, time and mental energy) on gifts for my child's guests? Honestly the concept is insane. Where I grew up, host provides cakes/food/entertainment and guests brought gifts for the birthday girl/boy. End of story.

How big of a faux pas is it to not give party bags???

DH thinks they're very important.

Edit: For context, we are temporarily living abroad with DH's job but moving back to the UK next month and this is just a conversation that came up about the future. My OP seems a bit angrier than I actually feel 😅 I'm more confused than angry.

Yup, you gotta do them! Best way to send the kids on their way so you can go home and relax with a G&T. But for the love of god, do not put slices of cake on a greasy napkin and hand them out to the kids…awful practice. Much better to serve the cake so people can actually enjoy it in a civilised way. We serve cake to all the parents as well (another immigrant here).

I absolutely loved doing party bags. I was hoisted by my own petard because, I made them so good, that I became known for them and had to up the ante every party.

Kids love party bags. I think you should do them, they very soon outgrow them.

Oh wait. I have accepted we will have to do party bags. This cake thing is another piece of news though. Do you not bring out the cake and blow out the candles? What do you do after, hide it? Mind blown. Clearly I have a lot to learn.

You don't have to do party bags we have done books, sweet cones, selection box's or a felt mask.
I don't like the plastic waste of tat that breaks in 2 minutes and goes in the bin!

I hate them too. Receiving and giving. I try to adopt a different approach and have a book and pair of socks and chocolate bar last time. Got sets of books cheaply like the Mr Men and Little Miss books and used those.

The schools here also here have an annoying tradition that the birthday kid brings a party bag type gift for all 30 kids in the class... We have random party bags regularly and sets of crayons/ pencil cases. I'm doing books again.

So you don't give sweets to the other children because your dd has tooth problems? My DS best friend has Arfid and doesn't eat neither cake nor sweets (except one special brand and flavour) but her mum still has cake and sweets for the other children. I know kids would def be disappointed without sweets. Can't you just get her some sugarfree ones?

Kids look forward to them (unfortunately) but I think you can do crisps, cake, sweets etc to lessen the tat!

We do birthday cake and fruit at the party (as well as savoury food), and "tat" in the bags, no sweets.

My own kids way prefer the novelty tat to sweets - but also, we sometimes get a lift home from parties and the other kids all seem to prefer the novelty tat too. Blowing bubbles in the car and swapping stickers.

Sweets are overrated compared to fun toys. My dd had to have extensive work done on her teeth - not entirely because of sweets, mostly because of how her teeth are - so we are extremely careful now.

Fun toys can be enjoyed again and again but sweets last 2min. Give us toys!

No, you have to put it in a paper napkin and either put it in the partybag or give it to the child in the napkin when he leaves.

Never seen it anywhere else. First time I just threw it away when ds came out with his napkin and cake. I thought it was him who hadn't eaten all his cake and wanted to take it with him. Then I understood it's the done thing. I'm not a snob but this is just so unappetizing 🤢

Absolutely brilliant device the British have perfected though.

Here’s a lot of sugar and shiny stuff in a bag to distract you, now politely go away.

I agree I hate tat. I live in and my circle is quite upmarket/intellectual and international and I’ve seen no party bags, just a book, personalised bags, I did bath bonds with a toy inside. I’ve not yet had a bag filled with plastic tat. So I don’t think it’s obligatory and I think if you do you can do something you’re comfortable with

Absolutely this, gift wrapped in cheap wrapping paper and a tiny bag of haribo in each parcel.

or, the other hit we had is the seasonal craft kits home bargains. £1.49, colouring, pens, stickers, sometimes a wooden paint craft.

I do think something works, and kids expect it. but, I have found speaking to parents and receiving the bags, it’s just going in the bin.

I’ve not been to a plastic party bag party for a while. Had some cool ideas.

as above and all under £1.50 each.

one mum printed colour sheets, take home like a scroll and if handed in birthday child picks a winner.

seeds and send a photo in three months, best and worst prizes.

as long as cake is involved somewhere it’s a winner

I always do cake at the party not in the party bag. Hate the idea of cake in a napkin - it looks gross, the napkin inevitable sticks to the cake. And I can’t imagine much of it is actually eaten.

Why take a bag full of things they know they won’t like? They can just say “no thank you”

Sorry to be a bore but think of all the silly.little plastic bubble things that end up in landfill every week! These have been in almost all the party bags my DC have received. The bubbles are always scrap, in fact the last one didn't even work.
They seem to float around the house endlessly here as I feel bad just chucking them away.
(Misses point of thread)

Part bags are as easy and cheap or as difficult and expensive as you want.

I've been to literal hundreds of parties with various kids from 1- 14 ISH

Party bags have ranged from things
One of the balloons from the hall and piece of the cake / a children's bible,/ a bag of plastic tat, /a bag of harbio and a pen.

The most lavish I've ever seen in party bags were;

£20 toy shop voucher, cone of sweets and a water bottle.

One where all the kids were given a Tamagotchi

And memorably, a sleepover part ly, where each kid was given an Oodie and some Uggs (which they all wore at the sleepover... and they were sent home with a sealed gift bag.... turned out they had all been sent home with a few bags of sweets, and an iPad each! (This was a friend's daughter that I picked up as a favour, we nearly crashed the car when she opened the "party bag" and pulled it out of the bag 😂)

But, point is, Never have i ever been to a kid's party where they weren't given at least a piece of cake to go home with.

It's a down-vote from me for seeds though.

Seeds require parental input.

As such, they are in the category of homework that parents do 90% of the work for... you know, "make a model of a volcano", "draw your family tree with photos of each person".

Parents appreciate it when you give their kids stuff that keeps them quiet for a while so they can have a moment of peace. Or just me?

Every party I have been to has the cake straight after the candles are blown out (halfway through the party). Party bags are the norm, but haven’t seen much of the plastic tat. Put whatever you like in it though.

We bought a load of mugs from Home Bargains with whatever was the trend at the time, unicorns, emojis etc. and filled them with mini bags of Haribo then wrapped in cellophane. No plastic tat and cheap as chips. They went down well.

Ahh, it’s the poor, common people who put “plastic tat” in bags. Your “upmarket/intellectuals” no doubt fill them with wooden toys and kale cakes. Do they give out fruit and toothbrushes at Halloween?

Muphry's Law: when you're trying to be an intellectual snob you are bound to use a spelling error that makes you look silly.

Our "circle" is as lofty as you like... having an oxbridge degree does not stop one from appreciating a plastic tube that goes brrrp.

Bird seed in a party bag? Is your child called Robin?

I am an oldie and my kids had their first few parties at our home just playing games. Yes party bags were part of the deal.

I’ve always sent cupcakes home individually in plastic wrap/packaging and had the main cake for family. Saves the cake getting stuck to the icing etc. we did candles on the big cake. Also saves cutting up at the party

We've had some really fun ones from DS' friends, a sunflower seedling was very popular, books are usual, ds had a spy theme one year at an activity place and they all got a small top secret notebook with an invisible ink pen, we've also used the small hobby craft kits like paint your own sun catcher or a small air dry clay kit (about £1.50 a child) , it doesn't have to be loads of little bits of plastic and sweets. The cake does have to be wrapped in a napkin though and shoved in the bag it's tradition! 😂