dd15 induction tomorrow & i have a bug

[lunarwhisper]

Reposting in AIBU for traffic
Trying to keep this brief

My dd is 15 and she's 3 days overdue we went to the hospital yesterday for reduced movements all fine but she's been booked in for an induction tomorrow
We arent the closest and werent before the pregnancy either due to her behaviour at the time and she was living with her dad for a few months befoe she found out but i was meant to be her birthing partner .

Since shes been off school we have been closer and going out together when my younger dc are at school but we did have an argument as she wants to call the baby something ridiculous and she called me controlling

The dad isnt the nicest of boys and tbh neither is his dad ive only spoke to him once and that was when i told him dd was pregnant and he said how did his son know its his and called dd a slag

They eventually broke up and he was bullying her along with his friends in school which made her anxious about attending , she blocked him and they had no contact from december until recently , they aren't back together but apparently he does want to be involved

Anyway fast forward to the issue, she is due to be induced tomorrow and I've woken up today vomiting and I don't feel the greatest. The dc’s dad aren't really involved tbh but the plan was he come here and be with the dc (though they'll not be home during the day) and I go with dd. Im now unsure what to do as I wont be much help to dd and obviously with a bug on the labour ward wont be good anyway

The dad is under 16 so i doubt just then would be allowed and I dont think dd would want him there anyway , i don't know if shed want her dad there either(i wouldnt have wanted mine there at 15 and we were much closer than dd and her dad) and im unsure how much use he’d be

What the hell do we do??

I did antenatal classes with fabulous midwives (classes were private so she didn't have to tow the NHS party line) and they highlighted how inducing a baby often comes with more risks during labour than the risks of it being overdue. Obviously if there are reduced movement this is a concern. She can however refuse induction but request additional monitoring to ensure baby is fine.

I know she's fed up now but inductions can be days of discomfort and stuck in hospitals where as natural labours tend to be quicker and smoother. Again, of course baby's wellbeing is priority so ignore this if reduced fetal movements are still an issue.

As others have said, please don't attend hospital and risk passing the bug to midwives who could pass it onto vulnerable newborns. Perhaps wear a mask around your daughter and ensure everything is wiped down with antibac to avoid passing it to her (sorry if I've missed any posts where you've said this is already happening).

If it does go ahead without you, I'm sure she'd be fine with the midwives and you on facetime to advocate for her and make sure she's speaking up about anything she needs. Someone mentioned someone from the pastoral team at school - if there is anyone she had a particularly good relationship with it would be a good idea to reach out.

This is encouraging if dd does have a friend who'd be willing. Also the suggestion they may bring her in for monitoring and delay the induction if possible.Whatsapp presence in the room may also be a good idea.

Obviously Dd's choice should be paramount, but she may well change her mind once things get going. She may see and accept a doula as more of a professional, rather than just any old person, especially if they can connect with her before hand.

I really hope all goes smoothly OP, and that you're feeling better very soon. All this will pale into insignificance once the gorgeous bundle of cuddles arrives.

From the other side, I was induced and DS was born just 6 hours later.

He was 13 days overdue though so that might have been why it was a lot quicker than other people have experienced?

What a helpful contribution.

In your situation I think I would reach out to your friends. Induction will likely be slow. If one of them can sit with her even for part of the time it will be better than no one, She might want you there but you can’t be for the next 48 hours. The most important thing is that her and the baby are safe. Because of her age I would think she needs a chaperone.

I don't know whereabouts you are, but often there are charities/organisations that are able to provide support during birth for vulnerable women. Usually it's one person who will stay with her throughout labour/delivery to provide moral support and sometimes help advocate for her as well if necessary.

I'd contact the hospital and ask what DD's options are—I'm sure they'll have an idea of how support could be provided to her, especially as she's a minor. Even if it was just having you in the room on a video call or something, I'm sure they can facilitate that.

Unpopular but wards often have isolation rooms for cases like this. My friend’s partner had covid and he was allowed to remain her birthing partner as upon discharge baby would have been exposed anyway. What are your daughter’s plans post-discharge? It’s not ideal and wouldn’t be my choice but if your daughter has no other, they may wish to go ahead with you as the birthing partner and take precautions.

A doula is a very good shout.

I'm another who had a lengthy induction (5 days) I was 28 and with my partner and it was still awful, I'm sorry she is going through this so young.

They cant force the induction on her - she can request additional monitoring and obs for 24hrs before being induced - is she 40+ or 42+ as that seriously changes things, the average first time mum won't give birth till 41+5. You can also request her bishops score so you have a rough idea of how long the process might take and how successful it is likely to be.

I was induced on my due date and baby was born within 8 hours

If one of my friends, neighbours, or acquaintances - school run mums etc contacted me to ask if i would sit with their daughter in this situation I would be there in a heartbeat. Even if I didn't know them very well.

You absolutely cannot be on a labour ward with a vomiting bug, you know this and you know why. Put brutally - babies could die because of the bug.

Your daughter wants only you there - that's understandable but she is too young to grasp the reality.

Call the hospital, see about a doula, put a message on all the school whatsapp groups you are in (seriously) and send her in.

I also wish posters would stop with the unsolicited medical advice ('she doesnt need to go in' FFS)

Also - I say this gently - let her call her baby whatever she wants to call them - whether or not you think it is 'ridiculous' it is not your call. You won't help build bridges by being controlling (sorry but she is right)

Good luck

I agree with PPs on asking the hospital for their advice. My instinct would be to delay the induction unless the hospital thinks it would put her/baby at risk. It is very common for first time mums to have their baby a week or more after the due date. As long as the hospital think she's ok with the reduced movements for now (and i imagine she should probably go in for monitoring in the days before induction) then I think it is better to delay. Having the right birthing partner is important at any age, but as a young teenager even more so. A doula or whoever just couldn't support her properly given her age. I had reduced movements for a week before eventually the hospital decided I should be induced. My daughter was happy as a clam in there and just chilling out. Obviously it isn't always the case and you should be vigilant around reduced movements as it can be a warning sign. But nor is it necessarily the case that DD must be induced now no matter what if that means having no support during the birth.

Also re induction timings - it massively varies. My friend as a first time mum was induced and baby was on the table within an hour. Another friend was induced over 5 days and nothing happened so she had yo have a c section. Another friend was induced and baby came in 6h. I think the hospital are the people to speak to, not any of us.

I understand your worry OP, however, as harsh as this sounds, of course the hospital will allow baby’s dad there, he’s the dad no matter what age. If he wants to be there and your dd wants him there, then he should be there. At the end of the day, they made this baby, if they’re old enough to have sex and make a baby, they’re old enough to deal with the consequences and take responsibility. I know it will be incredibly difficult for you, but going forward, your dd has to do what she wants, not what you want. Re the birth, I’m pretty sure no hospital will leave a 15 year to give birth alone. Definitely ring them and explain you’re poorly, see what they say/recommend. Good luck to all of you, I hope the birth goes well for your dd 💐💐

Call the hospital & ask for their advice.

Adding the hospital should also (but don’t always) take into account when advising what to do, how the mother most feels safe.

If your DD will be scared without you there, it could delay labour. Like other mammals, humans need to feel safe when giving birth.

Obvs depends on medical/midwifery advice. But a potential compromise may be they admit and monitor your DD and baby, then (if they have to) induce once you’re able to be there with her.

I'd postpone the induction and ask to go in for daily monitoring instead until you're better. If there was an emergency with baby they would do c section as induction for first time baby will likely take a few days. So might be better all round to have the daily monitoring and then induce if necessary when you're better or she might have gone into natural labour by then which would be much easier on her body anyway.

Good luck to you all and your DD, what a tough time she's had.

It's obviously a very tricky situation but suggesting that they delay induction due to reduced movements against medical advice might genuinely be the worst advice I have ever seen on MN.

Ring the labour ward and explain the situation - ask them what they propose.

I am so sorry you’re in such a tough situation- as a mum this must be terrifying for you wanting to protect YOUR baby at her vulnerable time.
I have no advice to add to the suggestions already made on this thread about possible people to accompany her. However I wanted to echo the person above regarding all the ridiculous Mumsnet advisors saying she doesn’t need to go in, doesn’t need induction, can’t have induction ‘forced’ on her etc. None of these people have medial oversight of your daughters case- if her medical team are advising induction due to faltering growth, reduced movements and past dates, PLEASE do not listen to internet randoms saying induction isn’t necessary. I can guarantee none of those saying to ignore medical advise and postpone the induction have ever attended a stillborn birth where these warning signs of poor placental function led to the worst outcome.
Wishing you and your daughter all the love and luck for the coming days.

You need to stay away from the hospital for at least 48 hour's after last vomiting episode. Is there another family member who could support DD? A grandparent or an auntie?

How about her friends' Mums? I have a DS but if my child's friend was in this situation I would 100% go to help her out. Xx

My husband got a sickness bug as I got induced... We couldn't wait and he wasn't allowed in. However, my labour lasted over 48hrs, so he made it thankfully.

I haven't said im going to go i know i cant but the same people who are saying that are still asking about family etc so clearly not reading my replies

i don't argue with medical advice that she doesnt need to be induced. the reduced movements were clear on the machine when she was being monitored so they obviously think the induction is necessary presumably the baby measuring small is a factor too even though he seems to have caught up now bit she was being monitored often in the last few weeks

I do feel a bit better today but still not well her dad has taken her in and i think the ex is going to go aswell as she's asked him which I think a poster above suggested though i didnt read the response at the time

i do hope he doesnt let her down but also she doesnt think this means she has to get back with him but she does seem to have him on a pedestal a little (see my reply above where i said she seemed to praise him just for making her a sandwich)

im just at home now and worrying sickness bugs seem to come at the most awful times

Would you want your 15-year-old daughter to be a support person for a 15-year-old being induced really?
I’ve got no doubt mine would be over the moon to be involved but it’s not something I want her exposed to