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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm too boring for DH

504 replies

Wowserbowser88 · 06/02/2026 23:20

Not even sure where to start with this one

Dh has been off with me all week. Snappy, short answers to any questions and just not engaged at all.

He had a drink tonight and finally admitted that he thinks i'm too boring for him. Because I don't have many friends. Don't go out and when I do its usually with work friends.

He thinks I am a terrible friend because I don't have many so I must be.

I don't go to any clubs or activities etc and we don't go out at the weekend often.

Here's the thing.. we have 2 children (8 and 4.) Both work full time and up until a year ago he worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) so I could never make plans as he was always on shift. Even now he often works shifts. tho less of them and has weeks where he is on call 24/7 so I can't do anything

He also goes to football most weekends all day on Saturday so i'm at home with kids and he may stay put in the pub after until late

He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring

He seems to think people, even with young children are out socialising every weekend and we're not and the children will suffer because of it

OP posts:
TippyTee · 07/02/2026 08:54

Time to take out the trash, OP (your husband). We have one life and why spend it on someone that brings you down.

SquishySquashyWishyWashy · 07/02/2026 08:56

I'll also add that I barely do anything outside of work and kids myself. We have zero family help and never have a night off. But, my partner is really supportive and actively make time for me to be able to do things for myself. He doesn't call me boring or anything. Just goes: I'm taking the kids out all day on Saturday (or whatever). 🥰

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 07/02/2026 08:56

Gowlett · 07/02/2026 08:51

Where do these men get their ideas about family life?
Women don’t always love it, either. But we get on with it…
Then they leave… To start another family with a new woman.

With my DH, it’s “everyone else’s house is immaculate & ours is a hovel” Clearly never been to any my friends’ places… Also “I haven’t been on holiday in 5 years”. My fault, too.

If DH said these things to me, the response would be "you know where the cleaning stuff lives" or "best get on with saving for and booking one of you want one".

Most of the time women can only be "blamed" for things because they allow it (abusive partners aside).

We're both adults and active participants in our joint lives. So we both have responsibility for everything. It's only "my fault" if I say I'll do something and don't. And vice versa.

Howwilliknow122 · 07/02/2026 08:57

Gowlett · 07/02/2026 08:51

Where do these men get their ideas about family life?
Women don’t always love it, either. But we get on with it…
Then they leave… To start another family with a new woman.

With my DH, it’s “everyone else’s house is immaculate & ours is a hovel” Clearly never been to any my friends’ places… Also “I haven’t been on holiday in 5 years”. My fault, too.

If its such a hovel as he puts it, maybe he should stop making mess and do more cleaning . Seriously this thread is making me so mad 🤦🏻‍♀️

Daftypants · 07/02/2026 09:00

Tell him to be careful that the door doesn’t hit him on the way out …he’s an arsehole shitbag cuntychops prick

Cyclingmummy1 · 07/02/2026 09:01

He is out socialising every weekend. What is he doing to facilitate you having the life he wants you to have? Tell him you'll be away next weekend, getting the life he wants you to have.

Fimofriend · 07/02/2026 09:02

ProfessionalTeaDrinker · 06/02/2026 23:27

You need to go back to him and say that you are really pleased he's noticed, you feel the same and are so grateful that he understands and will now be giving up his Saturday football so you can have the time to socialise while he watches the kids.....

This!!! Please do this!

He has been pissing on you and now he complains that you smell!

Howwilliknow122 · 07/02/2026 09:04

Can I just say to all those posters debating how often op goes out ,or that she should tell her husband to miss football so she can go out instead... none of this relevant to this issue, her husband is being abusive and toxic. He talking down to op, hes belittling her , he isnt simply asking for more social time, hes calling her a mess? Hes saying he messed up marrying her. This is all vile and im surprised how many ppl here are even debating the social aspect here. Op can be more social, what happens next time he isnt happy with ops behaviour. Is this how he intends to control her ?

Elefontaine · 07/02/2026 09:04

Catza · 06/02/2026 23:42

I suggest tomorrow you get up nice and early and leave the house before him and the kids had a chance to wake up. When he inevitably calls you distressed that he is stuck "babysitting" his kids and can't leave for his football, you say that you are out with the girls and will be back in the evening as you are heading for a boozy lunch and then an art gallery opening night and a jazz concert. And you already have plans for the next weekend so he may want to clear his schedule now as you need him to stay home with the kids.

Edited

This ⬆️ 👏 Don’t stand for it OP

Sartre · 07/02/2026 09:05

Well, he hasn’t really gone the right way about this has he. He could have handled it with more care and tact and definitely shouldn’t have done it after a few drinks.

I can empathise, my DH can be very boring too. I’m just being honest, it doesn’t make me a prick to think this. He loves talking about his job but he can literally do this for hours and it’s a completely boring tedious job. I shut off and disengage but he still talks. So yeah, I do find him dreadfully boring at times.

Your DH fucked this up, he shouldn’t have attacked you like this. Having minimal friends doesn’t mean you’re boring either.

Whettlettuce · 07/02/2026 09:06

He shifting blame onto you as a way ro leave the marriage. Its the start of "the script " . Get your ducks in a row and quickly. He's looking for an out

PlumDeNomNomNom · 07/02/2026 09:07

Leave him. Let’s see how fun he is when he has to miss football to look after his kids at the weekend.

Elefontaine · 07/02/2026 09:08

Howwilliknow122 · 07/02/2026 09:04

Can I just say to all those posters debating how often op goes out ,or that she should tell her husband to miss football so she can go out instead... none of this relevant to this issue, her husband is being abusive and toxic. He talking down to op, hes belittling her , he isnt simply asking for more social time, hes calling her a mess? Hes saying he messed up marrying her. This is all vile and im surprised how many ppl here are even debating the social aspect here. Op can be more social, what happens next time he isnt happy with ops behaviour. Is this how he intends to control her ?

I completely agree with you and this was my first thought. But the reality is that the OP is very unlikely to leave her marriage off the back of a Mumsnet post. Which let’s be honest, is the only long term solution for marrying such a total a. She shouldn’t have to tolerate ever, it’s not going to stop.

DiscoDuck40 · 07/02/2026 09:08

I bet he's hardly a fascinating little bunny, himself.
What a jerk.
I agree with PP, he wants out. Start making plans but play your cards close to your chest.
Better times await you.

Pinkissmart · 07/02/2026 09:12

Lambington · 06/02/2026 23:38

Sadly the op is the one who "messed up" by breeding with this oaf.

Oh cut it out. OP isn’t to blame for her husband being a prick 🤦‍♀️

Glindaa · 07/02/2026 09:14

Mumtobabyhavoc · 07/02/2026 00:18

This, plus your previous post,
He said that I could message the wives of his football mates more and try and be more social and arrange for us all to get together and no one messages me because i'm boring,

would make me furious.

Show quote history

OP get your 🦆 🦆 🦆
Part of that is building a new support network/ social group. You’ll need them when you LTB. They may also be able to set you up with someone new.
So, msg the footballers WAGS and schedule a Friday night dinner drinks out once a month. Also schedule a regular Saturday coffee catch up / brunch. Even at a home or a place for kids.
When you LTB make him have the kids alternate Saturdays so he can forget his weekly football and his night out with a free babysitter - you.

netflixfan · 07/02/2026 09:15

Cheeky pig!

LoftyAmberLion · 07/02/2026 09:16

andthat · 06/02/2026 23:38

So you have a young family and he goes out of the house every Saturday for football and the pub?

Hes absolutely taking the piss. And then has the audacity to insult you?

What an absolute arsehole. If I were you and had the means to separate , he’d be out the door. He is staggeringly disrespectful and unkind.

This OP. LTB.

Squirrel60 · 07/02/2026 09:16

What an absolutele self-obsessed, BORING, motor-mouthed, moronc arsehole he is!

I know it won't be easy with 2 kids, but dump him as soon as you can, file for divorce.

He's up his own arse with his ginormous ego.

I feel so sorry for your kids having him as a barely part-time ''father''.

DON'T tell him you're leaving, with the kids, make some type of secret plan to live somewhere else, preferably miles and miles away, where it would take him forever to find you. Move in with friends or family, rent or buy somewhere, even if it's just something basic for the time being, as long as you 3 are safe.

Then, when he comes back one day/night from his shifts or his boring football and pub, you 3 won't be there.

Block his phone number and emails, and change the door locks so he'll have to pay for a locksmith to get in, block him in any way you can.

Maybe there's some sort of organisation that can help you.

It sounds like he's either shagging some bimbo or planning to do it.

Please, leave him as soon as you possibly can.

berightorbehappy · 07/02/2026 09:18

My first instinct is that he is on his way out…either an affair or just wanting to be single with the lads again …both super immature as a man with two kids . He could have had that conversation by looking at ways for you to socialise a bit more and him support that, or discuss babysitters so you could spend more time together . Suggest both, and his reaction will show you how committed he is to moving forward as a family . Don’t fall for being called boring when you are sacrificing a lot to do the most important job in the world ( mostly alone by the sound of it ) good luck

Sparkletastic · 07/02/2026 09:19

Cherchez la femme

DancingFerret · 07/02/2026 09:20

He's almost certainly looking elsewhere or has already found someone.

BigButtons · 07/02/2026 09:22

Jesus- he is revolting and yes has probably had he head turned. I would be kicking him out and staring divorce proceedings.

Chiefangel · 07/02/2026 09:23

I am so sorry for you that you’ve been so nastily treated like this. This man is your husband and should in theory walk on hot coals for you, not put you down and abuse you.
You are not boring. He is a selfish prick who gets to go to his football every weekend and then has the audacity to have a go at you. Please just get ready and go out this morning. Literally shout,’ see you later. Be good for your dad, kids!’ And go. If he rings/texts, tell the twat that you’ve taken his advice on board and this will be happening every Saturday from now on.

Justgorgeous · 07/02/2026 09:26

This all sounds like a cover for something else. I really hope he’s not having an affair.

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