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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm too boring for DH

504 replies

Wowserbowser88 · 06/02/2026 23:20

Not even sure where to start with this one

Dh has been off with me all week. Snappy, short answers to any questions and just not engaged at all.

He had a drink tonight and finally admitted that he thinks i'm too boring for him. Because I don't have many friends. Don't go out and when I do its usually with work friends.

He thinks I am a terrible friend because I don't have many so I must be.

I don't go to any clubs or activities etc and we don't go out at the weekend often.

Here's the thing.. we have 2 children (8 and 4.) Both work full time and up until a year ago he worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) so I could never make plans as he was always on shift. Even now he often works shifts. tho less of them and has weeks where he is on call 24/7 so I can't do anything

He also goes to football most weekends all day on Saturday so i'm at home with kids and he may stay put in the pub after until late

He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring

He seems to think people, even with young children are out socialising every weekend and we're not and the children will suffer because of it

OP posts:

OPthefirst · 07/02/2026 08:35

I also would be looking for an OW. Ex husband said that exact phrase to me regarding no hobbies despite having two young children, a full time job and a ‘DH’ who spent 7 hours and more in his hobby at the weekend. Whilst he was pulling me down, he was having an affair with another married woman. Sorry, OP. There is always a reason for cruel statements like this.

mustreadmorebooks · 07/02/2026 08:37

Coffeislife · 06/02/2026 23:55

Another woman has appeared

This. I think he has met someone who, without the responsibilities of raising his children and doing the wife work, is able to be what he deems as exciting. If this is the case let her have him.

BillyBites · 07/02/2026 08:37

What a horribly unpleasant and cruel man you have married.

Fundays12 · 07/02/2026 08:42

ProfessionalTeaDrinker · 06/02/2026 23:27

You need to go back to him and say that you are really pleased he's noticed, you feel the same and are so grateful that he understands and will now be giving up his Saturday football so you can have the time to socialise while he watches the kids.....

This would be my reply

Gonnahavetofaceit · 07/02/2026 08:43

How did you react? What a nasty vile person he is. Sorry you’re being subjected to this. It must be a shock to suddenly find out what he’s really like.

Franjipanl8r · 07/02/2026 08:43

Tell him he’s right and you’re going to match the time he has socialising and doing activities so you’re on a level with him. Then take all of Sunday to yourself relaxing and planning your divorce.

NoisyViewer · 07/02/2026 08:44

Wowserbowser88 · 07/02/2026 00:08

So we do try and go out just is once a month for dinner. We have limited family to support bit do try when we can

He says its boring we don't do a lot st the weekends and the kids don't see their friends every weekend. I didn't think thay was abnormal at this age

He said that I could message the wives of his football mates more and try and be more social and arrange for us all to get together and no one messages me because i'm boring

I’m so sorry wowser, he’s been a right dick. I don’t know the circumstances of your life or your personality. But why would you reach out to his mates wives. If he’s so concerned why doesn’t he arrange a couples night where you can get to know them better. You could take on board the comment about not having a lot on at weekends & that doesn’t have to entail not doing things as a family. You can go on walks, visit tourist attractions & if money not an issue do some weekends away. All those things are a positive way to spend time together. The truth is life with kids is somewhat boring. You’re restricted even if you do have the means for a big social life, who wants to nurse a hangover with a 4 yo needing your attention the next day.

you need to stick up for yourself. Say that he should initiate contact with his friend if he wants to socialise more with them and the wives. There his mates. I would take this as an opportunity to be a little more selfish. Do things for yourself. Get yourself a hobby because surely he doesn’t expect you to be this other version of yourself and him not stepping up his parenting duties to facilitate

MySweetGeorgina · 07/02/2026 08:45

Agree with him, say thanks, and let him do child chores 2 evenings a week and on Sunday and you go and do your thing

or is he admonishing you for not setting up a better social life for HIM and the family? In which case he can work on that too

Howwilliknow122 · 07/02/2026 08:46

Op sorry, wait what ?? He sat in his hotel room thinking how he had messed up by marrying you??? Tell him to go pack his bags and leave then . Seriously op. Youre asking if you are unreasonable??? Be as boring as you want to and dont allow this waste of space to bully you.

Figgygal · 07/02/2026 08:46

"He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring"

Honestly fuck him op
Tell him to fuck off he'll be relieved of being released surely
To don't need to convince him of anything because he's the problem

TwistedWonder · 07/02/2026 08:47

Your DH is a vile selfish bullying cunt who wants to live like a single man and belittled you for facilitating him.

Honestly this prick adds nothing but misery to your life. I know it’s hard with kids but you seriously have to look at kicking his useless arse to the kerb.

Happyjoe · 07/02/2026 08:47

ProfessionalTeaDrinker · 06/02/2026 23:27

This!

Turn it back onto him. Looks like you're in for some fun on Saturdays now and don't forget to stay out til late up the pub. If it's good enough for him.... and you get the benefit of telling him on Sunday afternoon (once slept off the hangover) all the antics and fun you had 😂

Fundays12 · 07/02/2026 08:48

I have just read the rest of your posts OP. Your husband is vile. First of all do you like his football friend's wife? Secondly his comments about your appearance are vile but personally I would be replying with " its great you noticee i struggle for time to get ready" next sat i have booked a spa treatment, hair do etc and a clothes shopping trip enjoy your day with the kids. Then arrange this, no arguments and get out the house before he does. Start prioritising you because he certainly prioritised himself.

Firefly100 · 07/02/2026 08:48

He is very unreasonable. I agree with all the previous posters who have criticised him and pointed out the issue is him, not you. I would add though that you appear to have become guilty of becoming an extra in his life. Even his criticism of your social skills essentially boil down to ‘why can’t you arrange social activities with my friends for my enjoyment’. He works shifts, enjoys social activities as he pleases and you are always there to pick up the pieces as he lives his best life.
Take this as a wake up call. He is utterly selfish and you are facilitating it. In one aspect he is right, you DO need a social life and interests of your own. I’d focus on building that.
Tell him you agree, you need to commit to social activities so what is he going to do about his shift work to enable that?
Try to get some regular external babysitting so you can commit to activities anyway. Maybe join a gym too. If you do more than your fair share at home, stop anything you can drop and up your expectations of him.
I'm afraid to say the truth is, if you behave like a doormat, people will step all over you. Particularly selfish people.
What this is not is organising his social activities for him, do things for you. As others have said, your marriage may well be ending and a life beyond him will be invaluable to you when that comes.

Fundays12 · 07/02/2026 08:49

Fundays12 · 07/02/2026 08:48

Also start making plans to leave him with him having the kids some weekends so you get a break to.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 07/02/2026 08:49

Stick0rTwist · 07/02/2026 08:28

As a woman who married someone ‘boring’ I have had the same realization as your husband…

I’d take it as a kick up the bum to find some hobbies and start planning fun things for you and your family now the kids are bigger and his shift pattern makes it easier. Book a regular babysitter and try to be a bit more spontaneous - only if he is reciprocating though.

Life is short and it’s really draining to be the only one in the relationship who wants to enjoy life.

Was he boring because he was constantly doing all the childcare so that you could continue living as if you weren't a parent, though?

Or because you were away for work and he was at home picking up the childcare so you could be?

Because that's the situation here. OP isn't sitting in doing nothing because she doesn't fancy doing other stuff. It's because their children need a parent.

Glindaa · 07/02/2026 08:49

ByDreamyNavyDreamer · 06/02/2026 23:30

I would be looking for evidence he’s cheating. He’s looking for ways to blame you.

This was my first thought. Whether it’s online or in real life …

Chisbots · 07/02/2026 08:51

Actually this happened to me and tbf, DH was probably right. I now have lots of stuff I do and I'm encouraging him to get out more.

But one of the reasons was the same as yours, if you're the one left being default carer then they get to go off without thinking whilst you have to plan or not do the thing, which is often easier.

We're both way more boring that you sound tho. He's being a bit of a dick and saying you should do this, that and the other without even thinking of the reasons why. Don't let him run you down.

Gowlett · 07/02/2026 08:51

Where do these men get their ideas about family life?
Women don’t always love it, either. But we get on with it…
Then they leave… To start another family with a new woman.

With my DH, it’s “everyone else’s house is immaculate & ours is a hovel” Clearly never been to any my friends’ places… Also “I haven’t been on holiday in 5 years”. My fault, too.

Newskirt · 07/02/2026 08:51

Wow. He’s blaming you for his unhappiness with his life. What a horrible, irresponsible, selfish man.

So sorry, OP.

Davros · 07/02/2026 08:52

Cruel and unreasonable

SquishySquashyWishyWashy · 07/02/2026 08:52

Wowserbowser88 · 07/02/2026 00:09

Oh and I should take a look at myself and see what a mess I am as all i have is the children and work

I'm so sorry you live with such a horrible nasty man. It's completely normal to not have much time or opportunity to do stuff outside of work and young children. It doesn't have anything to do with your personality, your intellect, your worth as a person. The fact he thinks so and he finds you boring says a lot about him and how he can't be bothered to value you or see you for who you are outside of work and Parenthood. His loss really! Also, it won't always be this hard to fit in time for yourself, kids will grow and you'll be able to do more. Him being horrible om the other hand won't change.

RinielUrban · 07/02/2026 08:53

Jesus! What a charmer. I’m annoyed for you. Make arrangements so he has to miss football and leave him to it. W ⚓️

Howwilliknow122 · 07/02/2026 08:53

Wowserbowser88 · 07/02/2026 00:09

Oh and I should take a look at myself and see what a mess I am as all i have is the children and work

Op, are you seriously in doubt as to if you are unreasonable or not??? Can you wake up please! Sorry im not trying to upset you but im literally so angry on your behalf. This is disgusting. Hes actual scum to talk to you like that. If he wants to do more activities, that's 100 per cent OK, whats not ok is how hes viewing you, and how hes speaking to you. Believe in yourself please !!!

moose17 · 07/02/2026 08:54

its another women I would start doing some digging

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