I'm too boring for DH

[Wowserbowser88]

Not even sure where to start with this one

Dh has been off with me all week. Snappy, short answers to any questions and just not engaged at all.

He had a drink tonight and finally admitted that he thinks i'm too boring for him. Because I don't have many friends. Don't go out and when I do its usually with work friends.

He thinks I am a terrible friend because I don't have many so I must be.

I don't go to any clubs or activities etc and we don't go out at the weekend often.

Here's the thing.. we have 2 children (8 and 4.) Both work full time and up until a year ago he worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) so I could never make plans as he was always on shift. Even now he often works shifts. tho less of them and has weeks where he is on call 24/7 so I can't do anything

He also goes to football most weekends all day on Saturday so i'm at home with kids and he may stay put in the pub after until late

He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring

He seems to think people, even with young children are out socialising every weekend and we're not and the children will suffer because of it

@Wowserbowser88 are you happy with your lifestyle? That’s the most important question. If you are, there may be a point of tweaking family socials if you want to take on board his feedback, but he sounds not a kind person honestly. I hope you’re ok, that kind of personal
attack is hurtful

draw a list of all of the household chores, the invisible labour jobs, and childcare when and adult is needed to be present in the house.
ask him to pic his preferred 50% and you can try and be flexible and accommodate your 50% around that . that 50% of the time you’ll be starting new hobbies/ going to the gym etc

I hope you are not so much upset as FURIOUS op and resolved to leave the house every night as he walks in the door and at the crack of dawn both days on the weekend, saying sweetly it’s been over 6 years where I’ve 100% enabled your social life and hobbies and job and the thanks you give me is to say I’m boring because I’ve parented our dc while you’re not here. I now expect 6 years of you being available to parent every night and weekend, if you make plans be prepared to cancel them, as our kids need a parent and you’re it. In 6 years if you do it really well I’ll say thanks instead of what a boring unlikeable arse you are, because unlike you I both know that’s a lot of work and I’m not into being a nasty fucking jerk to my partner. And if this sudden nastiness is because you’re having an affair you’re now available exactly never to fuck someone else since you are repaying the endless love and time you’ve been given in this marriage. I’ll be back late, don’t forget you get to come home to a tidy house and dinner cleaned up, try not to be an inadequate parent.

And you know what later today in the pub he will be holding court with the other football bores, and they will all agree with him that they are the interesting ones and he was just “telling you as it is”.

A fair few of them would be genuinely disgusted at his talking to the mother of his children like this, actually

Wow, what a shithead

When he was away with work last week, he was thinking how interesting someone else is.

This. I’d be wondering who was on the work trip/in the hotel with him last week. Big coincidence he’s been funny since his return. Sorry.

and as if football and being in the pub isn’t boring! He’s hardly out and about doing exciting, adventurous stuff. I’d want to dump him just for he said about regretting marrying you. I wouldn’t even be bothering trying to find evidence of the affair. He doesn’t deserve you. Get angry.

Exactly this.

I would be waking him up this morning and telling him your going out for the day and he has to miss football. Sorry but sounds like someones caught his eye.

An EX boyfriend of mine told me I was boring because on holiday I read books, relaxed and didn't drink to excess every day and didn't make a fool of myself. I was 45 at the time! I told him he was boring as getting hammered was his only hobby. Honestly noone has the right to tell anyone they are boring. I'm now married to someone who and loves and accepts the person that I am.

Wow that’s really mean and cruel, I’d be looking to find out what’s behind the sudden attack. I also suspect he’s had his head turned, either he’s met someone else or is interested in someone else.

He'd better be grovelling when he has sobered up. But unfortunately I bet he won't be.

How dare he? You have sacrificed so much to give life to his children, you support him by staying at home with the children so that he can prioritise HIS hobbies, no doubt shouldering more than your fair share of the mental load in running your joint household, and this is how he repays you?

Previous posters who have suggested drawing up a more equitable split of free time are spot on. Why should he get to have the lion's share of it and then call you boring?

Tell him you're taking on board his views and you think that the place to start is revamping your wardrobe. No football today as you're hitting the shops. Back at 5. Got to start somewhere.

So basically he’s been talking to someone who’s been saying them and their wife go to so many (insert nights out here eg wedding/ date nights etc). Whatever he’s thinking or going through honestly he can’t say that kind of stuff- he wishes he’d not married you? Let rip op, honestly I never say ltb but unless you realise he’s temporarily gone crazy due to depression he needs to know if he doesn’t appreciate you then he can live without you. I’m so sorry

I'd say his definitely had his head turned by another woman and is taking his guilt out on you

He's cheating and setting the ground to 1) blame you and 2) leave you without being the bad guy. Make sure all your finances are sorted

Indeed. How original 🥱

There is nothing wrong with you OP.

I agree with pp he is looking for a way out. He is starting the script.

As this has come out just after his week away i would be questioning what happened then. The fact he brought up that he was sat alone in his hotel room should suggest that is the opposite of what happened.

What a horrible man. I’d not want to be with someone who thought so lowly of me

Check his phone. I think there was a young fun woman on the work trip who has made him realise HE is bored with life lately and he’s projecting that onto you.

There is nothing wrong with you at all, working FT and having two young kids is a busy time, and having a hobby doesn’t make anyone fascinating in and of itself! I have one I’m pretty obsessed with but it doenst involve ‘nights out’ (quite the opposite) and many people wouldn’t want to do it or hear me talk about it!

I’m also divorced and towards the end of my marriage these kinds of conversations came up (I’m sorry). The real problem is NOT your boringness or otherwise, it’s the way he is communicating with you. Life can get a bit tedious with work and kids at this stage but in a marriage that is worth sticking with he would have said something like ‘I think we need some time together, let’s find a babysitter the kids like and go back to xxxxx where we used to have great fun’… OR ‘how do you feel about coming out with my football friends…’

in the short term I would definitely call his bluff and say ‘I’ve been wanting to go out with my mate from work actually, you’re on kids duty all next Saturday’… and whatever you choose to do be out for ages!!

First of all, you are not boring. Second of all, what a horrible man.

Is he looking for a reason to leave? If so, no need for his to be such a spiteful arsehole about it.

I'm sorry he said that to you. I once tried to tell my husband in depth about my degree thesis and he told me it wasn't interesting for him. I lost the plot. I couldnt imagine him telling me that I myself am boring 😔

Football and sitting in the pub sounds really interesting…,,, how bloody dare he call you boring, for me there would be no coming back from such a disrespectful attitude.
Tell him to that you want to separate and that he needs to work shifts to enable him to have the children 50% of the time.
Soynds like he’s making a mess of everything to me!

He sounds horrendous. Who talks to someone they're supposed to like that way, never mind love? It sounds a lot to me like he's justifying something to himself all of a sudden.

That said, I've got quite a few friends with kids around this age and they do seem to spend all weekend either at petting zoos, classmates parties, at the zoo or the park or the crazy golf, one of the kids' many hobbies/sports, going to see kid theatre, etc. And both parents get a fair amount of socialising time each. So if you want that for yourself, and for your kids, I do think that's fairly normal from what I can see and perhaps he could get himself out of the pub and start planning all these activities with his kids, so you could occasionally go out and do something for yourself and reconnect with your friends!

Or...why isn't HE arranging whole family meet ups with HIS football mates, if that's what he wants to do? Why are you responsible for arranging HIS social life?

You don't do a lot at weekends because he's out for half of them. Not all kids see their friends every weekend, and that's because families have time together, kids have activities, and so on.

He sounds like the boring one here, refusing to make an effort with his own friends and family, expecting someone to spoon-feed him socialisation and doing the "typical" man thing of football and pub.

I agree with PPs who think he's had his head turned by some woman (who won't be interested in him) who seems like the life of the party and he's now decided that's what women SHOULD be for the entertainment of men. Disgusting.