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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm too boring for DH

504 replies

Wowserbowser88 · 06/02/2026 23:20

Not even sure where to start with this one

Dh has been off with me all week. Snappy, short answers to any questions and just not engaged at all.

He had a drink tonight and finally admitted that he thinks i'm too boring for him. Because I don't have many friends. Don't go out and when I do its usually with work friends.

He thinks I am a terrible friend because I don't have many so I must be.

I don't go to any clubs or activities etc and we don't go out at the weekend often.

Here's the thing.. we have 2 children (8 and 4.) Both work full time and up until a year ago he worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) so I could never make plans as he was always on shift. Even now he often works shifts. tho less of them and has weeks where he is on call 24/7 so I can't do anything

He also goes to football most weekends all day on Saturday so i'm at home with kids and he may stay put in the pub after until late

He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring

He seems to think people, even with young children are out socialising every weekend and we're not and the children will suffer because of it

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 07/02/2026 00:18

Wowserbowser88 · 07/02/2026 00:09

Oh and I should take a look at myself and see what a mess I am as all i have is the children and work

This, plus your previous post,
He said that I could message the wives of his football mates more and try and be more social and arrange for us all to get together and no one messages me because i'm boring,

would make me furious.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/02/2026 00:18

Ltb xx

JHound · 07/02/2026 00:20

People who marry people when they have an issue with who they are, are totally batshit to me.

ItsAMoooPoint · 07/02/2026 00:20

Your 'D'H sounds like a fucking delight of a guy. Tell him this online stranger tells him to fuck off with his gaslighting and meanness and to stop being so immature.

But also, either talk things through with him or leave him. He is going to fuck with your mind and self esteem, so this is not a healthy relationship. Like others said, he is probably hoping you will end it so he isn't the bad guy. But honestly, who cares. He is actively bad for you, so you need to leave.

moderndilemma · 07/02/2026 00:22

Firstly, I agree with many other pp that he's looking for a way out, and looking for a way to blame you. Sorry.

However, I wonder whether you have couple friends, family friends, people that you hang out with? It can be dispiriting when you hear of other people having an impromptu BBQ with their neighbours, or spending New Year with a group of friends, or planning a holiday weekend with 'all the cousins'.

I am sure that none of the above is as fabulous as it is described on social media, but if you're not part of that vibe it can look enviously enticing.

However, what does your h do to build family friendships? He's working, or at football, or in the pub? All without you, and your dc. Well that's boring! And it's selfish.

WinterFaye2 · 07/02/2026 00:25

I voted wrong!
What a total knob he is. Tell him you’ve made a friend and she’s asked to see you Saturday afternoon.
The only friends I have are a few work people and mums of my kids friends. There’s no time to do anything, if that makes us boring then the lot of us are boring together x

Mumtobabyhavoc · 07/02/2026 00:26

WinterFaye2 · 07/02/2026 00:25

I voted wrong!
What a total knob he is. Tell him you’ve made a friend and she’s asked to see you Saturday afternoon.
The only friends I have are a few work people and mums of my kids friends. There’s no time to do anything, if that makes us boring then the lot of us are boring together x

You can change your vote as long as voting hasn't closed.

Renamed · 07/02/2026 00:28

What a complete shit. He sounds boring as fuck with his football and his pub and taking no trouble to see and entertain his own children. What a complete cliche of a waste of space.

begonia27 · 07/02/2026 00:34

ive never said LTB before to anyone apart from domestic violence situations - even the cheating situations I always think there might be nuances etc. But what you’ve described is just really cruel. Someone who can say this is so fundamentally not on your side that I really do think you’ll be better off away from them. To need to belittle someone, to say they regret marrying you - you deserve so much better. And in case you need to hear it - in my
experience the most boring people are the ones who equate being around other people with having a good time. People who are at ease in their own company, who prioritise family, who work hard and shoulder more than their fair share of the burden without complaining - worth a million of some
shallow, judgemental POS who equates superficial popularity with worth. The only thing you need to change about yourself is giving a shit what your absolute arse of a husband says.

Amybelle88 · 07/02/2026 00:35

Tell him you sit crying because you can’t believe you wasted your life marrying a cunt.

Wow.

Utter wanker.

buckleycat1983 · 07/02/2026 00:35

Please pay him no heed. The problem here is very clearly him & he needs to look in himself to find the reason for his dissatisfaction, instead of picking holes in you.
He sounds very, very early on in his journey towards emotional maturity/adulthood & he'll be lucky if you stay beside him as he works out a way forward.
From a kinder perspective - perhaps suggest he talks to a therapist about how he is feeling - they will encourage him to look inward to find the root cause of these feelings.
Being a Mum to two children, holding down a full time job & juggling all the tasks relating to home maintenance, meals, school runs & everything else is bloomin' knackering! Weekends are a chance for peace!
Don't question yourself here - you don't sound boring at all - there's huge peace to be found in enjoying your own company :) x

echt · 07/02/2026 00:38

He's a shit of the first water, but is not gaslighting the OP as suggested b PPs.

Crikeyalmighty · 07/02/2026 00:38

My ex H once said something similar when I was struggling workingFT with 2 under 6 and he did shifts too and football and pub on most Saturdays - he wasn’t quite so cocky when I ended up having an affair with a very intelligent and kind colleague and yes I did leave, not for the other person but because it opened my eyes - don’t put up with it OP , have a row if necessary, explain ‘why’ you can never make plans, ask him what his suggestions are and what he’s going to do to help you have more interests

BeanQuisine · 07/02/2026 00:43

My sympathies, OP. He sounds extremely boring himself and a nasty prick into the bargain.

Goldwren1923 · 07/02/2026 00:47

I think he’s a prick AND I think he met someone young and carefree that made him think that

Ghostmartin · 07/02/2026 00:48

Thing is, it's you the kids will remember being there for them and doing things with them when they were small and daddy wasn't there at the weekend.

Take yourself out of the house OP, even if you're not meeting a friend. Go to a cafe, have a lovely relaxed coffee with yourself and no earache. Sometimes it's nice just to be among other people.

Don't let him grind down your self esteem 💐

AuntiePat21 · 07/02/2026 00:49

I think he’s had his head turned and inadvertently described her.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 07/02/2026 00:49

Amybelle88 · 07/02/2026 00:35

Tell him you sit crying because you can’t believe you wasted your life marrying a cunt.

Wow.

Utter wanker.

💯

OtterlyAstounding · 07/02/2026 00:53

Well, isn't he a charmer. What does he actually want to do?

It's one thing to be saying you're boring because he's a terrible communicator, and is actually trying to say he's frustrated that you don't get more 'couple' time together without the children...

But if what he means is 'tag along while I watch football with my mates and you chat to their wives', then that sounds immensely boring to me, and he's a twat. I also agree with the other posters that say perhaps he's trying to manufacture a way to justify his cheating.

Ghostmartin · 07/02/2026 00:54

He said that I could message the wives of his football mates more and try and be more social and arrange for us all to get together

And as for this...

Do you even like the wives of his football mates?
And even if you do, what's stopping him arranging for you all to get together?

MO0N · 07/02/2026 00:57

mellicauli · 07/02/2026 00:11

football and the pub, you say? that sounds abolutely fascinating..

Exactly!
I'm sure he's a prince amoung men- not!

Reallyneedsaholiday · 07/02/2026 00:58

I could have written your post a few years ago. I was a SAHM, but worked part time, preschool/ evening shifts at supermarket, to help out financially. My (now ex) DH was out with friends, keeping “fit” etc, while I juggled kids, housework and my two part time jobs. But I was also “boring”. We “had nothing in common”, despite me begging him to take me to various events that I would have really enjoyed but he preferred to attend with his friends. Eventually he had an affair. He now spends his days “under the thumb”, not allowed to go out with his friends, unless she goes with him, not allowed to take part in his sporting events etc, and tbf I have no reason to believe that he regrets his choice BUT I can tell you that once he’d gone, I found a whole new life of my own. My friendship group quadrupled. I am the one that everyone wants to hang out with. I now work full time, and have had several promotions to become a confident manager. My social diary is full. I’m happier than I have ever been. And my children are “just fine”.
Maybe you want to make your marriage work, and maybe you can look at it somewhat dispassionately, and decide that it isn’t worth it, but you can’t do it alone. If he’s checked out, you’re better off getting your ducks in a row now. I just want to say, that if the relationship doesn’t work out, then your life is really just beginning, so grab it with both hands. We only get one shot at it.

Catchycatchytune · 07/02/2026 01:20

ByDreamyNavyDreamer · 06/02/2026 23:30

I would be looking for evidence he’s cheating. He’s looking for ways to blame you.

This is exactly my thought. Sorry op. 💐

SpringTimeIsRingTime · 07/02/2026 01:24

He seems to think that it's only your responsibility to organise activities with the children at weekends and nothing to do with him. Put this back on him - tell him to take the initiative and organise more social activities for all of you.

He's finding you boring because he's not pulling his weight.

fyllnadspenna · 07/02/2026 01:36

He spends one day every weekend playing with his friends and going to the pub while you take care of the kids? He's the boring one in this relationship. It's really not that uncommon for people who are married with kids and a job to not have much time or energy for socialising. It's not a problem if you don't think it is, and he's made it very difficult for you to strike up and maintain new friendships, anyway.

If he wants to host his friends and their wives, I'd tell him he can make that happen (and I might even help, if he asked nicely). Why is it up to you to suggest it and set it into motion? They're his friends, after all.