I'm too boring for DH

[Wowserbowser88]

Not even sure where to start with this one

Dh has been off with me all week. Snappy, short answers to any questions and just not engaged at all.

He had a drink tonight and finally admitted that he thinks i'm too boring for him. Because I don't have many friends. Don't go out and when I do its usually with work friends.

He thinks I am a terrible friend because I don't have many so I must be.

I don't go to any clubs or activities etc and we don't go out at the weekend often.

Here's the thing.. we have 2 children (8 and 4.) Both work full time and up until a year ago he worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) so I could never make plans as he was always on shift. Even now he often works shifts. tho less of them and has weeks where he is on call 24/7 so I can't do anything

He also goes to football most weekends all day on Saturday so i'm at home with kids and he may stay put in the pub after until late

He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring

He seems to think people, even with young children are out socialising every weekend and we're not and the children will suffer because of it

Has he arranged (with his mates that he sees every week) for a get-together with the wives? Arranged baby sitters? Sorted transport? Said he'd stay at home for you to go and get your hair done?

No? Didn't think so

Why????? Because her husband said so?? What if she’s happy with her set up? I’m a home bird and despise socialising so if my husband said that to me I’d have to tell him to pack his bags as I’m not enduring an activity that I don’t like (socialising) just to appease an arsehole like that.

This is so outrageously unfair that if it has come out of the blue I would be questioning what is driving it.

as a starter may I suggest asking what he got up to on his week away? Perhaps a one night stand that he is feeling guilty about and trying to justify to himself.
He is gaslighting you into feeling guilty and that it is your fault. Don’t put up with it. Asertiveness on your part is called for to counteract this nonsense. Look up some assertiveness techniques.

As many before me have said he's being a dick. He's expressed himself horribly and cruelly. But it is a genuine thing when children are small that your world shrinks as you have to be caught up with them. Especially if you have a partner who hasn't prioritised giving you some time for yourself.

I guess you have to think about what you want? Would you like a bit more time to do things for you? Do you want to work on the relationship?If the answer to those questions is yes, then it's your job as a couple to work that out. Which means he will need to be part of the change. The children are getting more independent and he's not doing such inconvenient hours. This should be an opportunity. If he'll be a part of it.

So who’s this “exciting” person he’s comparing you with?

Im sorry to say it sounds like he’s had his head turned. Hes gone from being fine to suddenly thinking you’re boring?

Im going to guess he’s comparing you to a child free woman (colleague?) who’s potentially showing some interest. Your husband sounds unkind and stupid. Life with young children is normally boring, but also lovely and homely. He needs to wake up and smell the coffee or he’s about to make a huge mistake.

Sorry to rant but what a shitty patriarchal society we live in where the women must look great, look after the kids and homes AND have a full time job (otherwise you're a sponger). On top of all this you are expected to be a social butterfly??? Who actually has time for everything?
Great if you have supported network to help with childcare but many couples don't.

Was he even on a work trip? Or spending the week with someone “more exciting”?

He’s an asshole. You deserve way better. What has he done to actually get u out the house? When does he make time for his kids so u can actually go out? He’s a selfish p

He fancies someone else. He wouldn't be thinking like that if he hadn't had his head turned by another woman. Do not let his bullshit get in your head. Seriously, I wouldn't get into any of his personal attack conversations. Very matter of factly I would end this before he ruins your self worth. Something along the lines of "well, if you regret marrying me I think the only solution is to get a divorce asap". Go speak to a lawyer, sortd out the practicalities and figure out what you want in terms of how he sees the kids.

What a horrible nasty man. You are doing nothing wrong, you sound like any other woman who has young kids. You deserve so much better than this man op.

Oh no, not if she doesn't want to. I just meant, fuck him, get yourself out and let him do the childcare

Text book having an affair and trying to make you and your failings the reason he's going to leave you only to confess he's 'met someone' a couple of weeks later.

Tell him you agree and it's best he leaves now. He can have the children a day each weekend which will mean you are free to socialise also.

I would be telling him you quite agree and therefore every other Saturday he can have the kids and you will be going out to do something fun and meet more people!

His head has been turned.

This is classic behaviour. He's making it your fault.

He's got someone else in his eye. He's looking for reasons. Bastard.

This man is supposed to love you. Get your ducks in a row.

I suspect he wasn’t sat alone in his hotel room last week, he’s gearing up for a divorce and looking for ways to blame you

He's an arsehole. I'd seriously be consulting a solicitor on Monday. Life's too short to spend it with someone that hates you.

What an absolute vile cunt he is

He sounds the dull boring one in the marriage, not you.

This was my first though too, and I am
very much not a person who usually jumps to the old 'cherchez la femme' trope.

Has this come out of the blue? I'm wondering what happened when he was away for work last week tbh.

Did you tell him how badly you'd messed up marrying such an arsehole?

He is an utter c#"t

He’s just a cunt.

100% this

has he met a wine drinking, curvy, loud, noisy pub frequenting woman who happily gives access to her privates.....is my train of thought