I'm too boring for DH

[Wowserbowser88]

Not even sure where to start with this one

Dh has been off with me all week. Snappy, short answers to any questions and just not engaged at all.

He had a drink tonight and finally admitted that he thinks i'm too boring for him. Because I don't have many friends. Don't go out and when I do its usually with work friends.

He thinks I am a terrible friend because I don't have many so I must be.

I don't go to any clubs or activities etc and we don't go out at the weekend often.

Here's the thing.. we have 2 children (8 and 4.) Both work full time and up until a year ago he worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) so I could never make plans as he was always on shift. Even now he often works shifts. tho less of them and has weeks where he is on call 24/7 so I can't do anything

He also goes to football most weekends all day on Saturday so i'm at home with kids and he may stay put in the pub after until late

He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring

He seems to think people, even with young children are out socialising every weekend and we're not and the children will suffer because of it

My immediate thought too, OP.

OP you have exactly described my life 30 years ago. My ex would want me to go to the gym( when?) I worked 9-5 ran round before work for nursery drop offs, after work tea, bathtime ,bedtime. He came back from work 9pm and wanted to unwind listening to heavy rock alone. In my lunch hour I did shopping etc. Saturday he was up and out pre match pub, match, after match pub. Sunday was sort of family day, I was so desperate to spend time with ex I didn't do anything for myself.
He was seeing a bar maid, our son's nursery nurse, a client from his work to name a few.
You are NOT boring, he is taking the piss. I only had work mates as that was the only place I went, not much time to meet friends in a lunch hour in Tesco!
What I will say is as you are doing everything, you will be fine as a single parent, when he wants 50/50 you will get a life back, if he only wants Sundays, you will still have more time than you have now.
Raising kids is hard, the most important role, rewarding and when they are older they "know" believe me, who did what.💕

Sorry @Wowserbowser88 I'm another one that thinks he's having an affair. My exH told me I was boring and family life was boring. We both worked (me 4 days a week as a teacher so very full on) but he travelled for work a lot so I was juggling everything (no family nearby). He said i was boring as the limited time we did get as a family, I didn't want to pay for babysitters and go out on the piss with mates (for context I have never been that sort of person even at 21, let alone in my 40s!). Anyway, turns out what he wanted was several much younger, child free women to do exciting things with as he had several affairs. What I've learnt, now I've been divorced a while and am in a new happy, committed relationship, is that I wasnt boring (if anyone was it was him!), we just wanted different things. My partner and I are very content doing family activities, cooking together, going for long hikes and watching Netflix! My exH is still going out to get drunk all the time and seems very happy at the age of nearly 50 with his much much younger GF. Although, as fate would have it they had an woopsie baby very very early on to their relationship which is ironic (!) But they pay for babysitters several times a week and the poor baby spends a lot of time at his grandparents.

My immediate thought. Seen it time and time again on here. It’s like a script

I’d love to be a fly on the wall because if he truly loved you and it was just the booze talking, he’d be so sheepish and apologetic this morning - even if he meant it, he’d be saying sorry for his cruel delivery. A loving husband would be supportive in helping you find a friend, hobbies and time for self care. Saying things like “so, what can I do to make sure you have enough time to visit the hairdresser/socialise/take on a new hobby.”

if you get none of that today, assume he’s already mentally checked out and your relationship is on its way out.

He’s 100% had his head turned or has already embarked on an affair and is now turning the tables and look for deficiencies in you to justify it to himself.

I’m really sorry you’re on the receiving end of this. It’s more than just feedback. I’d be making plans to leave him.

So basically he’s telling you he doesn’t like you very much?
There is no other reason for him to be so cruel to his wife. And what he said was very cruel.

OP some harsh realities. He doesn’t love you - hell, he doesn’t even like you. And the likelihood is that ‘sitting in a hotel room thinking how badly he’s messed up by marrying someone so boring’ translates as justifying starting an affair, if he hasn’t already.

I don’t go straight to LTB, but for me that statement would be the end of the marriage. It’s beyond insulting and well into intentionally cruel. Get your ducks in a row and get a good divorce lawyer because this is just the start.

Prepare yourself to be single. Get a lawyer consult to see where you stand in a divorce. Copies of all financials and store them in a safe place where your husband can't find them. Make plans.

Your husband blames you for his life. He wants something different and that something might be another woman and freedom from his family responsibilities. He sounds extremely selfish and immature and mean and he won't make things easy. You're in a lose lose position with him. If you don't go out and be social, you're boring. If you went out a lot, he would accuse you of leaving him to do all the work with the kids and resent you.

Start the work of disconnecting. See if your work has a plan that can cover therapy. And take care of yourself because you can't rely on your husband.

A similar thing happened to me end of last year - dh suddenly started saying he was bored with his life, I never wanted to do the things he did, we didn't have enough money etc.

Turned out he was having an emotional affair with one of my friends.

Ironically, now that's out in the open, they've completely ruined our friendship group who I used to do more 'interesting' things with. Great.

He's really nasty.
You can do better than him.

Not saying that your situation is the same but if he's acting strangely etc, I would ask to see his phone.

What a prince he is.

I don’t think you can come back from this. When you LTB he can have the kids every other weekend (missing football/pub) and you can kick start your social life, how does that sound to him?

Hi lovely, I just want to say I could have written your exact post myself. DH was always out and I’m left at home with the children. And he’s admitted he finds me boring. I have 2 very young DC. Unfortunately for me the other users comments about his head being turned was true for me, I did find out recently he’s been having an affair! Im now in the territory of working out if we stay together or not. 😩 here if you want to talk to someone going through a very similar thing with zero judgements. X @Wowserbowser88

He's gaslighting you, I'd be looking for evidence of another woman I'm afraid.

Tell him it's great he's noticed and he'll need to look after the kids more so you can visit friends!

OMG your post made me so angry! How dare he say those things to you. Definitely start to put yourself first. F* his Saturdays and football. What an absolute prick. I hate him for you and he wouldn't be in my life for much longer!!!

And you are still with this piece of shit because?

I would tell him yes you are right so I am going out. See you and the kids later!

Whatever is going on with him, this has nothing to do with you. Please don't let this knock your confidence.
I think he's probably having an affair to be honest. Some men do this - he's trying to make out it's all your fault. Massive red flag.
Tell hiim to pack his stuf and leave if that's how he feels. You don't need to put up with this.

In the short time you could go out at weekends and show him just how much you enable him to be the exciting one while you do the drudge and the childcare.

"He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring" In the long term your marriage is over.

Tell him the problem is that he’s lazy and selfish and you would be happy to establish more friendships as soon as he stops hogging all the free time for football, pubs and gazing at his own navel.

"Fuck you, twat. I'm sure I wouldn't be boring
if I wasn't saddled with your pointless existence".

He’s a twat. I think he’s saying he’s bored, rather than you’re boring per se. Like others have said, he may be looking elsewhere and you should be keeping an eye on it.

you have small children, work, run a home. Of course it’s not going to be fun all the time but it’s what you sign up for when you have a family.

Well if you take some more time for yourself and he's at home doing more of the domestic stuff, he'll have less time for the affair he's considering or actively engaged with. He'll appreciate the amount of work that goes into running a household too. Don't be a doormat OP, especially not for this pig of a man x

OP, you don't sound boring at all. Sorry your husband is awful. Agree with the other posters saying you should respond with I've thought about it and I am glad you noticed. It needs to be 50/50 with the kids so from now on (insert division of half the time here) I'll be going out and it will be nice for you to do things with the kids.

Then use that time to get your ducks in a row and think about whether you want to be with him long term.