New boyfriend snapped at me

[Snappyg666]

Could do with your opinion. FWIW I am happy to be told AIBU. Im just trying to make sure I dont ignore anything important.

I was driving down the motorway with my boyfriend of 3 months. He was driving and I was supposed to be giving directions. We were talking and then he asked whether he should be taking the exit and I kind of hesitated for a few seconds as wasn't sure abd then said yes. He tutted and said for fucks sake and then quickly switched lames to exit

Now totally get why that would be irritating 😅 Its just that I was with my ex for 10 years and for all his faults, I dont think we ever snapped at each other once. We had massive bust ups about the big questions but irritating things like this we were both very generous with each other so im not sure what's normal. But I felt like a child being reprimanded and felt like saying "jesus get over it"

So what? She's not employed as his navigator. If it was annoying him that much, he could have taken a break and set up a sat nav instead.

It was a car journey they both agreed to, and not something crazy like a mercy dash to the hospital, so keeping a sense of humour would have been more appropriate.

Personally think a 12 hour car journey is a terrible idea and unless there was some excellent reason why not, would have broken it into a few days. But OP and her boyfriend chose to do it this way, and presumably neither forced the other into it, so there's no need for either of them to get snappy about it.

I don't take out my frustrations by snapping at people or blaming them for honest mistakes, and I don't like it when others do it to me.

I am 50 50 on this. I am dreadful at giving directions and it did used to annoy my lovely late husband. We solved it easily. I stopped doing it. As soon as GPS came out we bought one. Now of course its on everyone's phone.

So, I think you are at a point in your relationship where you are starting to relax around each other a little, rather than being on your "best behaviour"?

When tired after a long drive, a lot of people will get slightly irritated and snappy. I don't think this makes him a terrible person.

However, you are also reasonable to not like being snapped at!

What matters now is how you both deal with it. I think the fact that he reflected and apologised speaks well of him. Hopefully he will try not to do it again.

I think if you had made a big thing of it at this point, that would have been too much - a little ungracious and unfair. Because what can he do other than acknowledge fault - he can't unsay it?

See how it goes. If you expect him to be perfect and totally controlled at all times - that's probably not realistic.

But expecting him to control his reactions, and apologise on the occasions when he does slip up, that's reasonable!

Good luck - I hope it works out for you.

If he thought he might have to take the next exit, he should have moved over as he asked so he would be prepared. Not your fault he’s a crap driver

All the more reason to use a sat nav or app.

I drive long distances and would hate to be reliant on directions.

He sounds like a rude dweeb.

I was clearly replying to the poster I quoted, not in relation to the actual thread. But as per my comment, it clearly said I prepare for journeys. So no, I don't rely on others thanks.

If you want me to comment on the actual thread matter, I don't think the BF did anything wrong, she was supposed to be navigating, that was agreed between them, there's nothing wrong with this option when agreed and done competently.

The issue was the OP was clearly an incompetent navigator, as her earlier mistake had cost them an additional 30mins journey time. This time, they nearly missed their exit as she wasn't concentrating on her agreed role of the journey. They were having a very long journey of 12 hours, it's not unusual to have your passenger help with navigating, I don't blame him for saying "for fuck's sake" at OP's incompetence.

OP comes across as being ridiculous, in my opinion. It sounds as if they are incompatible. He didn't sulk, he apologised after the long journey, and yet she won't let it go. She lacks maturity in my view.

Technology can and does get it wrong, so shouldn't be relied on anyway.

Not at all - thought he was very restrained

That isn’t really snapping IMO. It’s one person having two seconds of frustration with another. The happiest of couples will mutter FFS every now and then.

Exactly

car journeys are infamous for couples

i agree with pp you sound very immature - don’t know why you weren’t doing the job properly and concentrating more

Why bother asking, you clearly don't think you are unreasonable. You already caused half an hour's delay with poor directions then gave a late lane change to an exit. While he did snap he did apologise.

This seems very simple to me.

Tell him that that is the first and last time he speaks to you like that. And mean it

you’ve got to be really boundaried. I will hazard a guess that this won’t be the first little snippet you’ve encountered from him and if it is, it’ll probably be the first of many

of course I could be wrong. But I’m a firm believer in trusting your instincts. You were there and we weren’t and you know exactly how he said it and the meaning behind it.

don’t let him think you’ll accept it because trust me - you give him a free pass to up the ante.

consider it your first red flag

not a nice thing from a boyfriend but particularly a new one who one would think might still be on his best behaviour.

then again I said the same thing when I took my driver's test. The examiner said "take Columbia Avenue" and I was looking around wildly for a sign and then saw "Clbia Av" on the roadway, swore vehemently, signaled, changed lanes, etc. Got my licence. But I still swear every time I go by there.

I can tell you the research shows that partners showing contempt to one another is virtually a guarantee that the relationship won't last.

Mild irritation is a world away from contempt. I've read this thread with increasing bemusement at how precious so many people seem to be in their relationships nowadays. If you agree to navigate while your partner drives for a whole 12+ hours, then it's your duty to remember your responsibility and not let yourself get distracted. If you fail in this I think the poor man has every justification for muttering under his breath at your ineptitude. He had the maturity to apologise for his brief spurt of irritation. Did the OP apologise for her navigation errors, I wonder?

As the driver, HE needs to be prepared.

As the driver of my car, I have my phone which has Apple Maps and Google Maps, a phone charger, as well as a TomTom sat-nav and a map book as well.

HE is an incompetent planner and should not be relying directions for 12 hours, that is a recipe for mistakes.

For what it's worth there's nothing like driving to cause arguments in my experience. DH acknowledges I'm a good map reader and give good directions. However when I say "slow down, I need to read the sign and check if it's this turning" he hears "drive on fast it's at least a mile down the road" and we roar past the turning which was the correct one.

Meanwhile he can't map read because he gets car sick as soon as he looks down 🙄 (he's never actually been sick of course but makes a big thing of it).
As for his directions - I'm the one saying FFS.
Example - last week, I had to drive to a garage I'm not familiar with to pick him up when he dropped his car off for repairs. I got there fine using my google maps directions. Going home I told him to direct me. Coming up to a right hand turn, not a very well signposted and slightly off set and not clear but I vaguely recognised it he says "take the right coming up" I say "this right?" he says "the right coming up" I say again "this right?" he says again "the right coming up" I say "FFS that could mean the right coming up in half a mile. THIS right is the one right here". 🤬

It'll be the pattern of your journeys forever OP. You might want to run a mile or you might swallow it down until the next time and every time to come.

Do you not drive? Was he driving for 12 hours? If he had driven for 12 hours and snapped at you and you are annoyed at him i would say my god he is human, i think i would be full on swearing if my passenger was supposed to be giving directions and wasnt concentrating..poor guy

yawn

Was this actually a snap?

Agree with this

the title thread is misleading

he didn’t snap at OP he expressed frustration out loud after having to navigate exiting motorway with no notice after a 30 minute detour and another mistake I believe

I think I would have grabbed the map and said I’ll do it myself with a lot more swearing in between

Hes not my partner though

I agree. It's unbelievable there really are people who are so overdramatic and oversensitive as OP around us, but hey ho. Not my circus, not my monkeys, fortunately.

YABVU.

I think i would have said much worse if you'd cocked up the directions TWICE. Well, I'd just assume you couldn't cope with giving directions, and just use Waze instead.

He was worried as it could have been dangerous.

He also apologised afterwards.

Do you ever get stressed and snappy?

I’d have said a lot more than ffs with all those errors 🤯 the fact he apologised with no prompting later tells me he’s a nice guy.

You have to decide what's acceptable for you in a relationship and you need to make it clear from the start.

There's a big difference in a rare brief moment of frustration and in someone sulking over it for a further amount of time.

The latter would be draining and toxic in a relationship.