New boyfriend snapped at me

[Snappyg666]

Could do with your opinion. FWIW I am happy to be told AIBU. Im just trying to make sure I dont ignore anything important.

I was driving down the motorway with my boyfriend of 3 months. He was driving and I was supposed to be giving directions. We were talking and then he asked whether he should be taking the exit and I kind of hesitated for a few seconds as wasn't sure abd then said yes. He tutted and said for fucks sake and then quickly switched lames to exit

Now totally get why that would be irritating 😅 Its just that I was with my ex for 10 years and for all his faults, I dont think we ever snapped at each other once. We had massive bust ups about the big questions but irritating things like this we were both very generous with each other so im not sure what's normal. But I felt like a child being reprimanded and felt like saying "jesus get over it"

Like a robot and not a human 🤦‍♀️

Fucking hell you sound precious and incredibly hard work. I’d also snap in that situation (as would most people!) and I wouldn’t take kindly to someone lecturing me about it - in fact I’d probably be dumping them! Expressing irritation is a very normal behaviour! A red flag would be if he continued to sulk or be unpleasant but he in fact did the absolute opposite. It’s clear from this thread that there are people out there who pride themselves on controlling their temper and being zen 100% of the time, I’m definitely not one of them and nor are many people so perhaps you’d be better off dating one of these never-angry superior beings.

At what point did I lecture anyone?

Christ. No wonder relationships don't last these days... literally making something of nothing.

This.

I have no sense of direction. Its a real issue, and one I am quite frank with people about it as it can cause me and other people issues. I think it is a borderline learning disability, like dyscalculia or dyslexia, but seeing as you don't need to find your way around independently as a child it isn't relevant to the education system and doesn't get picked up.

There are people on this thread acting as though the OP has committed some grave sin and moral failing for not being 100% on the ball when approaching a motorway exit. Its not ideal, but it is a rectifiable inconvenience caused by human fallibility, not something she needs to be piled on for.

Basically, you need a SatNav. The world is going to hell in a handcart, but this is something that technology has easily enabled and you should use it. You can get phone holders so you can follow Google Maps on your phone, that attach to your dashboard, windscreen quite cheaply if a Sat Nav is a bit of an outlay.

FWIW I think the OP's boyfriend was stressed at the situation, and the fact he brought it up afterwards suggests he realised he realises he behaved a bit out of character. The OP did well to refer to the situation as the problem, rather than insist it was necessarily a relational one.

So he’d been driving for 12 hours and nearly missed a junction ? I think muttering fucks sake at the situation is understandable. It sounds like he was fine afterwards and I don’t think i would’ve given it another thought. No one can be angelically perfect all the time .

For sure. It doesn't feel like real life sometimes what I read on here tbh.. People get irritated by others, nobody is perfect 100% of the time. As long as it's not the norm, it's just one of those things surely? Tbh, I would probably have snapped too at the OP in this situation.

If there are things that are not great three months in, then it’s more than reasonable to think about whether you want to continue longer term.

We’re hardly talking about ending a 25 year marriage here 😊

In fact, we could say the opposite, that long-term relationships are more likely to be the successful ones, if people make wiser choices early on.

Things not great because he swore after being with her for 3 months? Sounds awful please leave this mad man.

I think we all have our own attitudes to what’s acceptable. I would hate being spoken to like that however long we’d been together. Don’t doubt yourself. It wasn’t a huge mistake you were just double checking.

I have given wrong instructions to the driver precisely because the satnav looks confusing and I only realised it meant the first turn as we drove past. I definitely prefer to navigate myself when I'm driving and let the other driver use satnav or whatever method they prefer. Luckily the odd detour doesn't bother us too much.

You were supposed to be directing. He was a bit annoyed you weren't. You didnt like being told off even when you were in the wrong. Doesnt sound like you are suited.

This was such a non-incident.. i don't think it was worth 200+ posts of naval gazing about a tut and a FFS that he apologised for.

It’s what you are willing to put up with. I wouldn’t put up with that as find it very disrespectful (respect is massive to me) imagine 10 years down the line and your in the same situation. So would he speak like that to you I front of your kids? Would you want your son to speak like that to their girlfriend or wife? His showing you who you with, what you do with that is up to you. Different strokes for different folks.

Sounds as if your previous relationship was unusually polite and gracious. Many people would have cursed under their breath if their instruction to turn off the road came almost too late. He apologised later so it sounds as if he's willing to admit to occasional bad temper.

He should have had his eyes on the road. The responsibility is on him, he's the driver

As the DRIVER, I wouldn’t expect another person in the car to be looking out for exits or giving directions! Fair play if they do, but that’s why you have a sat nav or google maps for, surely?
but then I’m old, and can think for myself 🙄

Who said madman other than you? Aren’t we just talking about compatibility? Some people don’t swear at all, some people swear lots. Some people don’t like any type of confrontation, for other people it’s part of daily life.If it’s not for her, better to consider calling it off after just three months. That’s hardly a big deal. They don’t have four kids and are about to celebrate their golden anniversary after all.

Surely that goes for you too though?

Aren't you also on your best behaviour and trying to impress? Or is that only for men?

Or are you going for cute, ditzy and slightly incompetent. The kind of girl who needs a man to take.care of her? Provide for and protect her?

Because if my only job during a 12 hour drive was to provide directions and I'd caused a 30 minute delay before the journey had even properly started by giving crap directions and I'd then caused issues by giving bad directions at a roundabout, then when I also had to be prompted to provide directions re a motorway exit, which we nearly missed, tbh, I'd be thinking that a muttered "FFS" was deserved.

Buy him a Satnav as you're a useless navigator.

This 100%.
The incident the OP is relaying would not bother me in the slightest, had he swore AT me it would be different, you would have found the way he spoke aloud unacceptable.
We all have our own standards as to what we can accept.
No one is right or wrong, but if the OP is so affected she feels the need to ask strangers opinions on a forum, my bet is this is one relationship that won't last.

Not going to lie, reading through all this, I think I may have muttered for fucks sake.

I do not apologise for being harsh.

Just the once! I have muttered it several times over!

Which obviously makes me a horrible, terrible, evil person and I should never be allowed to date - or even leave the house - because I can't control my temper and I'm clearly and aggressive nutjob!

Edited because I had started to type a response to an earlier post and hadn't deleted the original first line - think I gave up the will to live slightly at that point!

Meditation, thats what we need.

100%! I'll try not to do it in the car though, because my driving skills deteriorate when my eyes are closed...