New boyfriend snapped at me

[Snappyg666]

Could do with your opinion. FWIW I am happy to be told AIBU. Im just trying to make sure I dont ignore anything important.

I was driving down the motorway with my boyfriend of 3 months. He was driving and I was supposed to be giving directions. We were talking and then he asked whether he should be taking the exit and I kind of hesitated for a few seconds as wasn't sure abd then said yes. He tutted and said for fucks sake and then quickly switched lames to exit

Now totally get why that would be irritating 😅 Its just that I was with my ex for 10 years and for all his faults, I dont think we ever snapped at each other once. We had massive bust ups about the big questions but irritating things like this we were both very generous with each other so im not sure what's normal. But I felt like a child being reprimanded and felt like saying "jesus get over it"

How come you didn’t share the driving?

Personally, I see someone expecting another person to do a 12 hour drive, giving wrong directions and then yet another error because they were chattering and then bellyaching about it to be a much bigger red flag (plus subsequent ideas he should be managing his ‘brand’) than a tut and a ffs. If it were me in this guy’s position and you’d been that annoying and unhelpful on such a long drive also made this thread with no seeming concern about what a difficult and tiring trek that must have been - I’d be ending it with you.

Haha! I mean, I’m wondering about that time when she was five years old, and didn’t get full marks on her spelling test, why she thought that she could carry on with life at all really? What business does she even have having a boyfriend and being in a car? You’re quite right!

Exactly my thoughts … for goodness sake why does every nuance, every tone, every inch of conversation have to be picked apart.
I honestly wonder how any man ever measures up to this level of perfection.
I feel sorry for the poor chap.

Wrong directions and a 12 hour drive? I think he was quite restrained! I know MN expects everyone to be perfect, all of the time, but that is a stressful situation. You are massively over reacting. And next time? Share the driving.

My husband would have done exactly the same , except probably not muttered it under his breath. I would have then shouted at him to not speak to me like that, he would have said something back , I would have then sat staring out the window refusing to speak to him or read any directions. Then , 5 min later we would be back to normal 🤣 doesn’t seem an issue to me , but then I am not you.

If anything I think YOU are the red flag in this situation.

I was married to someone who couldn't tolerate me expressing any kind of mild irritation or annoyance without taking deep offence.

Funnily enough the first time it happened we were in the car together (I cried out in fear as he swung suddenly and unexpectedly into the left lane on the motorway) and I wish to goodness that I'd ran a mile then.

Eventually I wasn't allowed to express any kind of negative emotion at all without him using it as evidence that I was an awful person and there was something wrong with me.

It was soul destroying and I ended up on constant eggshells.

😂
Safety first!

I’m shocked at the poll results - 70% of you think this is okay behaviour?! If he has apologised IMMEDIATELY then I would have said okay it was a stressful situation and a first offence so we’re good, but speak to me like that again (even if I am at fault in some way) and it’s a different story. I was raised by someone who thought it was okay to speak like that to his family and a lot else besides. Been married for 26 years and my husband would never. Why? Two reasons I expect - he’s a good guy and I would never tolerate it. You get what you accept. Show him where the line is drawn and he’ll know where it is.

Forgot to add that I think him muttering ffs in the circumstances you describe is more than reasonable! He's only human.

😂😆😂

If I was doing a 12 hour car journey I think I would have said a fair few “For fucks sake”s along the way!

He was being short, you were being an air head. Honours even.

For me? That’s not real life. Life is stressful, messy and difficult. I don’t think it is at all reasonable to expect cool, calm and collected 24/7. Humans don’t work like that. We all lose our shit sometimes. And for most of us? A 12 hr drive will do that. Add in crappy directions and a muttered FFS isn’t even something to think about.
I am all for boundaries, but let them be realistic. Never, ever getting frustrated or cross isn’t a reasonable boundary.

Use SatNav! I cannot be doing with either giving directions or taking them from a passenger. You also get the travel updates if you do that to avoid heavy traffic.

I’d have done the same as him. Reading the updates, and seeing that you were shit at directions, and caused 30 mins of delays etc, I’m surprised he didn’t get out and tell you to drive. I’d have been pissed off.

I was wondering how a journey in the UK could take 12+ hours.

I guess if your navigator makes a series of errors that could extend any journey time - four times around Spaghetti Junction!

Agree
He apologised
It was a 12 hour drive which you'd already fucked up at least once driving those distances is horrible mentally and physically
Why didn't you drive any of it since you've confirmed to can drive.

A 12 hr drive (which is really tiring) that you’d already added half an hour onto? And nearly added even more time on by missing a motorway exit? A muttered “ffs” followed by an acknowledgement later on that he was harsh seems like a non-issue to me.

My DP has never, in 36 years, used the F word infront of me, never mind directed at me. I would not be impressed.
The fact that he has apologised for being harsh, confirms it was aimed at you and was not just him exclaiming at the tricky situation.
I'd be viewing him differently OP.

If you're incompetent then you should be told as much. Why beat around the bush when you can call someone out then move on.

Imagine having such an easy life that's you're not called out on your mistakes, both personally and professionally each day. Get in the real world

From what she's said, she was both stupid and incompetent but that's fine, isn't everyone occasionally? Live and learn that people get annoyed at each other

Did he "snap"? I get a little stressed when I'm driving and don't know where I'm going, so I would probably be grumpy too, particularly if I had to quickly change lanes on a busy motorway.. although if he had an inkling the exit was coming close, he should have got himself in the appropriate lane anyway!

If this is a one-off, leave it.

He apologised afterwards, most men wouldn't. And as you have said you had given him the wrong directions at least once before this. I would be pissed off with you too

You’d held him up for 30 minutes already and you were the one navigating and you nearly missed the exit on the motorway- that is really annoying!!
I get he was annoying about theatre tickets, but it’s not like driving when you’re going past it now and need to know if you need to turn.