I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

[ImthedriverSo]

AIBU - looking for thoughts.

DH has 2 ds ages 8 and 10

For years he’s had the system with ex we have them every other weekend fri aft school and drop them to school on the Monday (well I pick up and drop off as dh doesn’t drive it’s an hour each way!)

This is mutual agreement not a court order.

His ex now wants to change that we have them separately - one each weekend and for me to pick up early sat and drop back Sunday morning.

I’ve said no I won’t facilitate. so dh has said no and she is saying no contact then! It has been left in a sour way as he told her no negotiations just that we will get a court order to stick to what we’ve always done.

We like to have more time with them . They like to do the same things - together.
Plus we love our childfree time too. But now dh very down as this weekend we were meant to have them .

AIBU to have said I won’t facilitate this ? It seems a big step back. Less time for them with dh too of its weekly how she wants ???

And if he can’t drive for a reason ? Medical, disability ?

No, most parents don't have a child free weekend. I don't know any parents who have childfree weekends.

Plus we love our childfree time too.

Im thinking if a man has two kids he does not get child free time on demand . His job is to parent.

Ex sounds difficult and controlling. Why didnt your dp get an order to stop her moving especially when he doesnt drive and it would limit his time with his kids?
You both appear to be laid back in the situation in case it interferes with your child free time. Unfortunately that isnt a luxury when you date someone with kids what happens next month if something happened to their mum and she was incapable of looking after them and they had to come and live with you?

go to court she moved away so she should have been faclitating the drop offs or at least shared its not on you to do it all

a court wouldnt approve splitting them i wouldnt think

‘Childfree time’ isn’t a thing when you become a parent, OP - and you shouldn’t have married somebody who already had children unless you were prepared for the possibility that at some point they would live with you full time, let alone two days per week.

Doing all the driving is a different matter, and shouldn’t be your responsibility.

And the whole post is about objecting to the mum reducing contact. Splitting up the sons and limiting the hours.

you are defending the indefensible.

Maybe that’s all the mother allows him to have them. She moved an hour away making seeing them during the week pretty impossible, that’s hardly his fault.

Where does OP say this ?

@VacayDreamerand @cadburyeggso obvious that you both have an issue with stepmothers and separated fathers.
The father can’t drive for medical reasons and the mother keeps moving further and further away and won’t do any driving. We don’t know if the journey can be done by public transport. The mother should meet the OP and her husband at a half way point
As always there’s 2 sides but you both seem so blinkered and biased.
The mistake the father made was not to get a court order at the time of separation to agree contact and to prevent the mother from moving too far away. That needs to be resolved quickly for the children’s best interests.

I would get a court order and then stuff like this isn’t unilaterally decided by her. You would probably get more time for holdiays (the order I have with my ex states half the holdiays each…). It sounds like she is being awkward and this alternate weekend suggestion is nuts. I can’t imagine the kids would like that at all 😕

Go to court. Buy your husband driving lessons.

He likes his child free time does he ?😂 Has he applied to the courts then? Or is he just going to slink off and stop seeing his kids?

Incorrect, my dad was divorced and my mum is a stepmum. I have an issue with fathers and stepmothers who think doing the bare minimum is worthy of a medal. There are plenty of decent single dads I’m sure 👍 the mum is wrong in this situation also but she isn’t the one posting so we can’t advise her.

He works very hard and he’s very tired. Weekends with his sons he’s so active and trying his best. Health is not where it should be and he does actually need the time to rest

Yes we will have to get a court order definitely. I think it’s the most sensible option and I wish we had done it before but his ex has changed after years of this being fine

As said before he cannot drive for medical reasons

Read the OP's posts properly

I take it your dh didn't object to the ex moving the dc further away? which he would have been within his rights to do and seeing as medically he is unable to drive - this seems very unfair to move them further and further away without consideration to transporting them to and fro

Can you put forward for mediation for this matter rather than taking it to court?

My ex used to do this. He admitted that he didn't see why he should babysit while I got my end away child free. 🙄

Whatever reason it is it doesn't matter if she's using them as a weapon. You need a court order.

See a solicitor because mediation has to be attempted. If that doesn't work then you will have to go to court. But ex is being unreasonable and not thinking of the DC, who come first.

If she's wanting u to have every weekend she will soon start it up to alternate weekends for the break give it afew weeks😜

Your DH is getting a hard line here. Every other weekend and half the holidays is standard in cases where families don’t live nearby.

It is clear she is playing some kind of game given she has halted contact as a result. That’s ridiculous. You can’t keep children from safe, involved parents because she wants to change the arrangements.

Absolutely get to court.

Every other weekend is pretty feeble parenting, he clearly didn’t care enough to get more time in the first place.

Their home with their father should be their home though, it sounds as though you both treat them as optional accessories. They have a right to be there.

Transportation isn’t your responsibility though.

It was the mother’s choice to move further and further away when her ex husband can’t drive for medical reasons. She won’t do any driving to meet halfway either. She stopped the DC having contact with their dad now and restricted contact time in the holidays. That’s not the behaviour of a good mum, by not acting in the DC’s best interests. Not prepared to compromise either.

Your husband needs to learn to drive, and he needs to get a court order set up.