I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

[ImthedriverSo]

AIBU - looking for thoughts.

DH has 2 ds ages 8 and 10

For years he’s had the system with ex we have them every other weekend fri aft school and drop them to school on the Monday (well I pick up and drop off as dh doesn’t drive it’s an hour each way!)

This is mutual agreement not a court order.

His ex now wants to change that we have them separately - one each weekend and for me to pick up early sat and drop back Sunday morning.

I’ve said no I won’t facilitate. so dh has said no and she is saying no contact then! It has been left in a sour way as he told her no negotiations just that we will get a court order to stick to what we’ve always done.

We like to have more time with them . They like to do the same things - together.
Plus we love our childfree time too. But now dh very down as this weekend we were meant to have them .

AIBU to have said I won’t facilitate this ? It seems a big step back. Less time for them with dh too of its weekly how she wants ???

And some bloody nosy ones too. As you rightly say, OP has no need to disclose the condition, the fact that it is progressive and stops him driving is enough information unless you’re a ghoul.

His ex left him for someone else. He received diagnosis and she was very unhappy , she began a relationship with a colleague. He did nothing wrong

Oops.. Helps to read the posts huh.
Another poster making assumptions. Sounds like you'd be the ex in this scenario and it's people like this that are just out to cause drama rather than what's best for the kids... Whatever happened to you to make you this bitter doesn't mean every situation is the same and not every man "abandons very young children", sometimes it's the woman that was the problem (shock horror).
I know plenty of women who abandoned their kids too bit I guess in those situations you'd be defending that too "oh the poor woman needed a break"...

Sometimes people aren't abandoning the kids they're abandoning the unpleasant person they bred with and they do what they can to keep seeing the kids while trying to keep distance from toxic ex partners. I'm sure you'd know all about that.

Then as mentioned before, she shouldn’t have moved a two hour round trip away knowing her ex couldn’t drive. How are OP and her DH expected to have them during the week when their school run takes two hours twice a day ? Would you do it ? No, of course you wouldn’t. And he’s advocating for the same contact as they previously had because the ex’s proposal actually means less contact, not more. No court in the land is going to grant one child at a time every alternate weekend unless there’s a cast iron compelling reason for it - it’s not good for the children, and not good for the absent parent.

These sorts of threads unfortunately bring out all the bitter women who were clearly left for a reason going by their completely out there posts that make no sense in the real world. Like along with their relationship breakdown common sense also left the building.

I pulled this poster on this upthread. Their reply was to state that they thought there was ‘more to it than meets the eye’. Keyboard warrior speak for ‘I’ve made a mistake but I’m buggered if I’m going to admit it’.

Her idea is rediculous and can’t see any judge ordering it. If either parent wants one on one time that can be facilitated in their own time e.g. she gets someone else to look after one for a bit on her weekend. The EOW works perfectly well. Let him take it to court. They might even order her to do half the driving, particularly given she was the one that moved.

Nothing. 50/50 custody won’t work because the school run is a two hour round trip. Every day. Totally unreasonable and entirely on the ex for putting that distance between them.

Do you have children? If your ex chose to move would you not follow?

Why would your children suffer because you choose to be stubborn?

The ex has moved 3 times, further away each time. Are OP and her DH expected to move each time, giving up their home and probably their jobs each time just because the ex is difficult?

If the little one doesn’t like being away from his brother overnight then for this reason alone they should visit together. It’s probably been hard to get their heads around the fact that mummy and daddy aren’t together now and having to adjust to the new normal. They’re still so young and have dealt with enough change to date imo.

ABsolutely not. I'm sure their mum wants weekends with them, too, rather than just the drudgery of the working week.

I'm sorry @ImthedriverSo for all the criticism.
You seemed to have a good system with the children, & I hope you can get it court ordered.
Why people read different things to what OP's have written, I don't know. It's every thread! Plus you'd answered about Dad not driving a dozen times, sigh..

She is also messing with the boys time together Why would she not want her sons to spend quality time with each other on the weekend?

This seems odd to me and financially more expensive because if you take one to say the cinema you have to pay twice for the 2 adults like wise for meal out, plus what happens to visiting Husband side of the family do all mamber have to be available every weekend.

This is so weird, in a together family, siblings can’t dictate that other siblings can’t be around - its nonsense. Obviously I believe you @grumpygrape but It’s a good illustration of separated family insanity

Read the thread

If he's sad about not seeing them, maybe he can learn to drive? Small price to pay...
Looks like he wants his cake etc etc

Sorry just re-read the posts

No. He follows his children.

I've read about parents (mums)literally giving up everything to be near their children. Why is the ops dh exempt from that?

If for some crazy reason my dh had full time custody. And he was a twat and kept moving. I’d still be there for my kids. My job might be shit. My home crap. I might not have family/friends/new partner around me. But my kids would know I was always there.

Or I could think fuck it. Re marry. And moan. No one benefits. But I’d get a lot of mumsnetters feeling sorry for me. I may even start a whole new family.

The teen siblings expressed a preference for having occasional one to one time with their father without the other sibling being bored. A lot of girls wouldn’t want to go to a football match. As I said, it wasn’t every time.

In a together family the sibling not spending time with the one parent would likely be with their other parent.

So you'd have your child living with you in unsuitable housing and struggle to support them financially when they're with you / pay bare minimum child support, you'd isolate yourself from everyone bar your kids putting your mental health at risk further impacting your ability to care for them? That isn't what's best for your child tho.

You seriously think he should follow his children??? Each time the ex moves, he and the OP pack up their lives and move too???

No child can dictate but of course a child can ask for 121 time and expect within reason to get it.
My son will ask for us to t
Go to the cinema or a theatre show. He knows it's unsuitable for the younger ones. So they stay with their Dad.

When they're older if thry ask then if course they'd get the same thing.

I would never say "absolutely not, we just always all be in the same room together until you move out"

If a non-resident parent objects to the other parent moving too far away they can apply for an Order to prevent or reverse the move. Particularly if it means a change of school.

Non-resident parents can’t be expected to trail after the children just because the other parent wants to move.

What’s going on here ? Not as it seems .. complex dynamics .. and weaponising of the children .. how on earth are they feeling ? Why on earth would they should they be separated- shunted back and forth .. seriously get a grip and sort it out legally .