Do I end this based on hearsay.

[Emotionstorn]

Been dating my partner since August. He has a child from a previous relationship but have no plans to introduce children until later.

He has told me him and his ex had quite a stormy breakup. Arguing etc and she told his friends and family that he hit her.

He denies this completely. Has sworn on the life of his child he has never done that.
I have experienced DV historically and I don’t know whether to walk away based on this or not.
There are no red flags or anything that I have seen myself

i just don’t know what to do

Honestly I'd give benefit of the doubt but be very very careful

I'd do a Claire law application and be very careful with him

As there aren’t any flags, I would proceed with caution but be prepared to leave if something does happen. I’d be surprised if many abusers tend to reveal it this early on.

Realistically @Emotionstorn, how likely is it that he would admit it, if it were true. He absolutely wouldn't, as he'd know it would jeopardise your current relationship with him.

I'd walk away now, before you're too far in, particularly as you say you've experienced this before.

I'm always suspicious of people who swear on the lives of their children.

No. He has shown no inclination to lash out, no red flags.

Enjoy yourself until you actually see an issue.

Don't they all give no red flags at first? Please do a Claire law, but also if you've already been there once I'd leave this relationship. Its not worth the worry. And then what if after five years of great behaviour he does something 'out of character' and you're in so deep you don't know how to leave. Not worth it.

Doesn’t matter if you see no red flags,means nothing at all.with my ex I saw no red flags then he tried to strangle me out the blue.of course he will say he didn’t hit his ex

Has sworn on the life of his child

I'd dump him for that alone and it makes me not believe him.

Just do a Claires law and proceed with caution.

Of course he denies it. Who would ever actually admit to being violent towards the person they supposedly loved? No smoke without fire as they say.

Swearing on the life of a child is meaningless. They won't die if the person is lying!

It isn't actually something I can imagine a decent person doing even if they're telling the truth.

It's not about fearing some higher power will kill anyone if they're lying. It's just a really awful and horrible thing to do.

Would you ever claim someone had hit you, just to make them look bad? The father of your child? I know I wouldn’t.

From what I’ve read - victims of DV are likely to fall into the hands of another - so I would take this hearsay as a red flag.

Also - when someone starts swearing on lives - it just says liar.

Do a Claire's law.

Also consider why he told you that she'd accused him of DV. What does he have to gain from getting his side of the story in first?

Don't rely solely on swearing on the life of his children, or that there's no red flags so far - the very worst abusers are often the most charming at first.

Agree wholeheartedly.
I switch off whenever I hear it.

You know yourself that you wouldn't see any red flags this early on op.

I would absolutely walk away based on him swearing on his kids life, and based on the fact his main concern was to convince you he didn't do it. It's also well known that abusers often tell their next victim a tiny amount of information in order to make their lie convincing if/when the truth comes out "oh remember I told you she would say that".

The risk of walking away and him being innocent is a couple of months of getting over a relationship, the risk of staying and him being guilty is much, much worse.

Also, even if he does turn out to be wonderful and completely innocent, do you actually want to be around a situation that got that ugly? With children involved there's never a clean break.

I think you should be very very cautious on multiple fronts.

I wouldn’t risk this especially if you have children.
Statistically you are more at risk given your previous abusive experiences.
Why would this woman claim he hit her? If he starts saying she’s crazy, then you need to run.
Is he worth the uncertainty?

The only people I know who have sworn on someone's life are liars.

I would leave as it’s about 6 months - why take the chance the ex is right?

Men lie about this type of thing.
Women also lie about this type of thing (although probably not as much).

Imagine the truth is somewhere in between.

I would end it.

I just wouldn't want to get involved in the future drama, true or not, if it's true then you clearly know it's time to leave, if it's not true then his ex is going to be full of drama forever especially if she doesn't get what she wants.

For him and perhaps because of his own actions, it's a lose-lose situation for him and any future relationship, can you really be bothered @Emotionstorn ?