Do I end this based on hearsay.

[Emotionstorn]

Been dating my partner since August. He has a child from a previous relationship but have no plans to introduce children until later.

He has told me him and his ex had quite a stormy breakup. Arguing etc and she told his friends and family that he hit her.

He denies this completely. Has sworn on the life of his child he has never done that.
I have experienced DV historically and I don’t know whether to walk away based on this or not.
There are no red flags or anything that I have seen myself

i just don’t know what to do

A lot on here clearly don't know much about DA/DV.

It's not as simple as "the first hint of a red flag and you dump him".

If it were that easy nobody would be in an abusive relationship.

Physical abuse is usually the last type of abuse to happen, and the others aren't easy to spot a lot of the time. The physical stuff usually starts happening when they know they have you in a position where its not easy to leave, like when you're pregnant, they have that child as leverage then.

People saying op should give him a chance clearly don't see the signs that this won't end well even with the limited information in the op, and this guy giving a side of the story that's supposed to paint him in a good light.

False allegations of domestic abuse in the UK are exceedingly rare. Data from the Metropolitan Police Service (MPS) between 2018 and 2021 indicates that out of 365,353 reported domestic abuse offences, only 50 were flagged as false allegations. This represents approximately 0.01% of all reported cases, equating to about one in every 7,300 complaints.

Additionally, a report by the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) covering January 2011 to May 2012 found that out of 5,651 prosecutions for rape, only 35 were for making false allegations. This suggests that false allegations constituted about 0.62% of rape prosecutions. When including domestic violence cases, the rate of false accusations dropped to 0.04%.

These statistics highlight that the vast majority of domestic abuse reports are genuine. The misconception that false allegations are widespread can be harmful, potentially deterring victims from coming forward and seeking the help they need. It's crucial to support survivors and ensure they feel safe and believed when reporting abuse.

From The Pathway Project

It’s playing safe.

Making an “assumption” that leads to a decision to play it safe / protect oneself and thus could save a life is not a bad thing. Besides, the statistics clearly demonstrate it’s more likely to be true than not. So the “assumption” is not baseless.

My ex swore that he hadn’t hit me to his then partner, she decided even with evidence his word was better than mine. Fast forward 3 years, I bumped into her and she told me I was right like I didn’t already know. His next 4 partners experienced the same with the current one so besotted and in denial she actively lies to the police with him to try and gain false convictions on the ones of us who have children with him. Sad really cos she’s no idea of what’s yet to come if it hasn’t already.

Did the ex report him? Does he have a conviction? Can you ask a neutral person about it too?
He had no reason to tell you himself, why would he not just keep quiet and deny it if the ex tells you in the future? He has brought it up unasked, so maybe that is a good thing. Did he hit her in self defence, is she violent herself. Some women are, rarer than men obviously but it does happen. My partner's ex hit him. He didn't hit back mind.
But if you don't want the drama of it all, drop him now.

Exactly. To a man who would commit DV, the life of a child means nothing. If tomorrow, the Bean Sidhe came for his child’s life due to his swearing and he could save the child by saying what exactly he swore falsely about, then the child would die, because he probably swears on the life of his child about everything from DV to why he’s home 30 minutes late from football.

Exactly, I’d just never do it. I don’t take my child’s life so lightly and it just reeks of someone grasping at straws to make themselves sound believable.

I find it easier in life just to believe women when they say men are abusive honestly. I agree a Claire’s Law application would be a good shout, though it would depend on whether any reports were made wouldn’t it?

Best case he’s telling the truth - which already tells you how he’s likely to respond to conflict. Difficult to have a ‘stormy’ breakup if you’re not contributing to that storm. Also did he tell you this in a ‘we both handled it badly and I’ve definitely learned lessons about how I’ll handle myself better in future way’ or a ‘my crazy ex was a total bitch’ kind of way? Because if the latter that’s another massive red flag and would be enough for me to end it on its own honestly.

What is the point of swearing on anyone’s life? What will happen to his child if he punches you in the face?

Run.

A clear Clare’s law means Jack shit.

I'm really turned off when peoples swear on the life of my child". I don't believe them more, I respect them less.

Claires law application .
I doubt many men who have assaulted their partners admit it ......
If nothing on Claires law,i would be very very cautious with him and if you have any doubts at all.... run.

Swearing on the lives of his children = methinks he doth protest too much.

On this thread so far, you've accused women of "finding someone guilty" for refusing to date them if they're concerned about their safety, as if female company is as much a man's right as liberty and women are obliged to reach court levels of proof before they decide they don't want to date someone, stated that a horrible story of women falsely accusing men of abuse (assuming the stories are even true) had "made your day" and now you're claiming it's "very dangerous" when a woman decides she doesn't want to date someone because there's a question mark over the safety, as if that's equivalent to imprisoning someone on no evidence. The danger to the woman isn't of any concern to you.

Women's dating choices aren't courts of law and a woman's company is not a man's human right. I'm sure you don't realise it, but all your posts very much make the case for women being exceptionally careful about who they date and not taking any chances, because there are those out there who agree with you that they have a right to a woman unless she produces a court approved dossier of evidence why she doesn't have to say yes... and many of them don't stop at merely trying to pressure them online.

HUGE HUGE HUGE red flag because he is letting you know who he is and also hes playing the victim and slagging off his ex and telling you its all her fault and thats huge red flag, hes also telling you to ignore the tittle tattle when people tell you as its not true(which it is) ..id be inclined to ask her why would she lie to you

Yep. I dated a guy who swore on his grandkids lives every time he lied.

I would end it now. Sometimes it is better to be left with good memories and vodka.

@Emotionstorn

By 'hearsay' do you mean you heard it from a third party and he denies it or that he told you what she said and said she was lying?

If the former I'd give consideration to the source. If they are someone you believe would know the truth AND it's someone you trust to not have an ulterior motive for blackening his name I'd probably end it. But if it's someone likely to be stirring or just repeating gossip I might give him the benefit of the doubt but I'd keep my eyes wide open and be on alert for any sign of aggressive behaviour (for any reason) or unreasonable anger. And I include things like throwing tools or objects down in disgust if things aren't going right, breaking something that doesn't work, or angrily cursing at other drivers even with the windows rolled up. Those are not normal reactions.

If he told you himself and denied it, I'd probably give the benefit of the doubt, but watch him the same as above.

Isn’t it amazing how many men who have been victims of lying women accusing them of DV have found this thread and shared their stories, or stories of their friends. And how that one guy knew not one but two men who were victims of these liars. Incredible given the odds shared earlier that 0.01% of reports are false.

Makes me consider the agenda of any man who comes to try to encourage a woman to give a man who chance who has told her he’s been accused of assaulting his ex.

Pure and Simple, yes

You can dump a man / end a relationship for any reason at all. Even if that reason is just I feel slightly uneasy.

Men need to learn to accept the word no.

Have you seen the amount of people on the thread know one or even multiple women have accused a man of violence, and then suddenly the woman has told everyone the 'truth' at a later date as well.

Unbelievable really.

I’d do a Claire’s law and proceed with caution.

I know a few people who have lied about being hit but also know many people who’ve experienced DV.

I would probably be more concerned that he comes with drama rather than having an abusive past.

A clear Clare’s law means Jack shit. My rapist was clear on Clare’s law.

And I'd add...

Even if you are a man who has been falsely accused of abuse, the decent response is not to attempt to coerce women into dating men who have been accused of violence, drawing parallels between a woman saying no and a man being falsely imprisoned. It's an absolutely fucked up message that only shows misogyny and entitlement. You being falsely accused does not oblige any other woman to enter an unsafe situation to prove anything to you at all. What the fuck.

That list of women's names that guy gave earlier. Two women a week are killed on average in England and Wales by a partner or former partner, and that's before we go into all the rapes and assaults, most of which never see a report, never mind a conviction. I wish our list were so short I could slip it into a post on Mumsnet!