Do I end this based on hearsay.

[Emotionstorn]

Been dating my partner since August. He has a child from a previous relationship but have no plans to introduce children until later.

He has told me him and his ex had quite a stormy breakup. Arguing etc and she told his friends and family that he hit her.

He denies this completely. Has sworn on the life of his child he has never done that.
I have experienced DV historically and I don’t know whether to walk away based on this or not.
There are no red flags or anything that I have seen myself

i just don’t know what to do

Could be hes telling you as a form of damage limitation, so he can get his story out first, in the hopes that you'll believe him and not whoever else you could have heard it from.

Do a Claires Law, and back away now.

Every man i've ever met who has sworn on his child's life has been a liar.

And far more people know women who were attacked by partners who deny it.

Honestly, do you people think we are stupid? We know sometimes women lie. But we also know they tell the truth about abuse far more often than they lie about it, and this guy has already committed a huge red flag by exploiting his child anyway.

Ending a relationship because the risk/reward ratio is in the gutter doesn't make someone a moron misandrist who's too dim to realise it's possible for women to lie. Why are women always urged to compromise their safety and instincts like this?

You are not wrong other than being on the wrong thread

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It happened to me too. But for some reason I always thought I was the only person they did that to. They made me believe that I drove them to it and they were normal before they knew me. So maybe that's why I don't really know how to take someone saying they were falsely accused of it.

Swearing “on the lives of his children” is an automatic red flag.

Another vote for this.

I know people who have.

If it didn’t happen, why even mention it?

I’ve dated a lot of losers in my time before I met Dh. None of them ever were accused of hitting an ex and none of them ever felt the need to pre-warn me about past behaviour I might find out about. 🙄

it's so over dramatic and a means of shutting down any discussion.

Apart from when I used to say it as a kid (or probably more, I swear on the holy bible), I have never ever, as an adult, said ‘I swear on the life of ….’. It is a weird thing to say and yes could be suspicious.

There are two possibilities here:

1. He is an abuser.
2. He has a lying, malicious ex who he has shared children with and will forever be tied to.

Neither of those options are things I would invite into my life or my children's lives.

It's a no brainer really!

If people saw red flags at the start of the relationship surely domestic abuse wouldn’t exist?

If it’s true he will be a risk to you and your children if exposed to future DA. If it’s not true his ex will be a creator of drama. Neither sound appealing.

Sorry OP but throw this one back.

Too often women get dismissed as the crazy ex when they're telling the truth. Women need to listen to each other. Believe her. The cost of dismissing her is too high.

I find people who “swear on” lives to be the biggest liars. I work with criminals including those who haves harmed the mothers of their children for work and despite being convicted and me seeing evidence against them several will still “swear” that their ex was out to get them… or “we just had a stormy relationship and were both as bad as each other” or “she just didn’t want me to see my child”

Swearing on the lives of other people is immature and quite horrible. Honestly. There's a red flag straight away.

But if you've seen nothing and are positive that you'd not be manipulate again, then only you can decide. It's up to you if wish to continue but if you do be very careful and don't make any excuses for his behaviour if it turns.

My ex’s friends all think I’m a crazy ex despite me being granted a restraining order, some of them sighting me with a black eye while pregnant etc.

I think it’s easier for people to dismiss things like DA as it’s a horrible thing to consider your loved ones doing

She is either telling the truth .He has hit her and he's lied about it and used a dramatic, I swear on the lives of my children lie or she's lying and used this terrible lie during the dramatic high tension break up.

If she's prepared to do this and she's the mother of his children She is going to be in his life for a long time and therefore yours and it's unlikely that she's going to become less dramatic.

I'm not saying women don't lie but I would surmise that the statistics are much higher that more men lie about being abusers than women lie about being abused.
I also find that I swear on the lives statements to be strong indicators that someone is lying In the same way that the overuse of the word honestly honestly and I wouldn't lie are used by liars. It's only been 6 months and I would get out now.

if you really feel you want to stay with him I would ask to meet her or ask to message her .His response might be revealing .f he does agree her response might give you a feel of what is true.

....and this is the huge flaw in the jury system.

Either she's lying and you will have to deal with a nutcase mother of his child for the next 20 years.

Or

He's lying and you'll find yourself being his next victim.

I'd leave either way. The drama isn't worth it. Especially as you were a victim of DV, you need a clear head, a stable and undramatic relationship.

I would simply believe the woman who said he hit her. As the most likely reason for her saying it is because its true.

I'd also be considering how old his child is / how recent the breakup with the ex is. What's the real story?

I think any man who admits to a 'stormy' break up with the mother of his child when the child is very small is actually telling you (without saying the words) that they were lazy /unsupportive / unfaithful/ a selfish man-child during or shortly after his partner's pregnancy, when she was vulnerable amd needed him most.

Similarly if he's back out dating soon after the split, he's not got his child's best interests at heart / is looking for help with childcare/ can't function without a woman look after him or bolster his ego.

He'd have to be something pretty special to convince me otherwise I'm afraid!

Unfortunately women also lie when relationships end. I've known two to go to a woman's shelter in order to keep their ex partners away from the children, only to admit later on court it wasn't needed and was a 'move'. They've both been caught lying endlessly, like saying one was stalking the daughter at school on a certain date when actually he was abroad, or 200 miles away working and could prove it all.

Honestly, it has been so painful for them, all they want to do is keep in touch with their daughters, it's like a bereavement for them, with the added stress of facing up to lies. Women lie, men lie, everyone lies. I wish they wouldn't.

Quick story - I am in a child custody case, ex wants custody thus higher entitlement for cms /financial split etc and she also wants to live 400 miles away, which I won't agree to).

Somehow maybe google told her this would help but she has reported to the police that I strangl3d her years ago(no proof of this what so ever, I thought it was a joke initially and she only decided to file this after her case in family court appeared weak).

False accusation are very much real but then again, you need to have facts and sadly some do not have proof.

literally just shared by story below yours and seeing this has made my day, it's many out there who do this unfortunately.

And still, no woman is obliged to date them.