Do I end this based on hearsay.

[Emotionstorn]

Been dating my partner since August. He has a child from a previous relationship but have no plans to introduce children until later.

He has told me him and his ex had quite a stormy breakup. Arguing etc and she told his friends and family that he hit her.

He denies this completely. Has sworn on the life of his child he has never done that.
I have experienced DV historically and I don’t know whether to walk away based on this or not.
There are no red flags or anything that I have seen myself

i just don’t know what to do

I did no such thing. I don't know who you're mixing me up with, but I never pressured (remember your words here for continuity) the op to date anyone.

I am not a man. But thankyou 'sir'.

What on earth point do these guys on here think they’re making?

They may be making a different point from what they think.

You don’t have to be a man to display misogynistic opinions and behaviours. Many women have ingrained misogyny, unfortunately.

I guess common sense is not common after all.

Urm.

The way I was spoken to was aggressive. I am allowed to say that when met with aggression.

Nothing about shutting up a woman, nothing about me (not) being a man.

Good point and I am all for it

Honestly, the moment he said 'I swear on my child's life', he was telling you that he did it.

I've never known anybody, let alone men trying to get their feet under the table with a free childminder, say that and not be lying.

Common sense says. If I get a sense this guy is problematic, end it.

common sense says don’t stay with someone with this amount of drama early doors it will only get worse.

common sense says anyone with this sort of high conflict between them and their ex is going to be a nightmare.

common sense to me says there’s a chance this man might batter me I’m not hanging around to find out.

the legal burden of proof is irrelevant.

She wasn’t aggressive.

Also; its not hearsay. Its important. Is he implying that if you were to break up with him over this it is because you accepted rumor over fact? Its not. His statement isn’t true, just his assertion. She hasn’t made any statements to you or with reference to you at all and you don’t have any way of knowing that his accusation is true. That is you have no evidence that she ever accused him of anything.

She was and I am allowed to take it that way, or is your opinion that counts? You were quick to think I was a man too. Heyho.

So we will have to beg to differ, she also picked up on my thread and didn't take it as a response to someone else.

However, I think it is unkind to detail the OP's thread with our petty squabbling when she could do with some help and guidance. For that reason alone, I will bow out of writing again.

This.
I find it very odd.
Do you really think its likely he would own it?
I don't.
Do the Claire's Law application but I would be inclined to end it.
Whats the point in risking it.
One abusive relationship is enough.

Ps. It’s Clare’s Law folks. No I. I didn’t realise until someone who knew Clare pointed it out to me (and even the police got it wrong when communicating with me) but I think it’s important that we get it right given that it’s in memory of someone.

Thank you for your kind words and I’m so sorry the same thing has happened to you as well.

Yes that’s what abusers do. They make the victim believe they are the one at fault and pass the blame - it’s basically gaslighting the victim into thinking they are the one who caused them to be abusive. I’ve learned not to trust a man who slags off their ex or claims she made up lies about him. More often than not those ‘lies’ are usually true.

Yes darling, I used to abuse my ex. Says no one ever.
You've been here before.
Just cut your losses and go. Who needs all this drama anyway?

I'm on my phone so this is annoying. Don't say I don't do anything for you.

literally just shared by story below yours and seeing this has made my day, it's many out there who do this unfortunately. Today 14:52

This is a very dangerous mindset assuming guilt of someone when you have no facts Today 14.55

assuming someone is guilty just because someone said they are and they happen to be a woman? okay Today 14.57

So yes, you are clearly drawing a parallel between women saying no and people being wrongly convicted, and going so far as to call it a "dangerous mindset". I mean, this post here just repeats them all anyway.

You can absolutely assume guilt when it comes to who you date for your personal safety because, as I said, women aren't a man's human right and they don't need to hold a trial to decide they don't want to date you. Or you don't have to assume guilt but you can definitely assume risk, and you don't have to risk your safety because "show me where i said that lol i say it again" on the internet thinks you should.

Your misogyny and entitlement mean you are incapable of seeing a woman's company as less of an entitlement as basic liberty, and that's why you think it's a fair parallel to courts of law and false conviction. It's not. It's just a man not getting dates. Even if you have been falsely accused, it's irrelevant. Women are entitled to see the accusation and reject the risk to their safety. It's that simple.

I am a woman but I bet you will challenge that too

You are right about one thing!

It still doesn't matter though, since the point is not about you, and your ex, and your situation, and what you think women should do, and you and you and you. Whether you're a man or a woman, everything I have said stands.

Oh, for...

Your post at 14.59, c&p is being an arse but anyone who cares can scroll back and see. You (and some others) made the point that women can lie (we know, sir) and I responded that women still aren't obliged to date the falsely accused, and you replied by claiming that wasn't the point being made. Except that in a discussion about whether you should date a man who's accused of violence, it quite clearly is.

People do not want to know the truth.

I hope you are safe and well now.

Really ?

And how were you so certain someone/some people had made this up.

Were you living with these people 24/7

lets just say I know. One partner made up allegations about the other.

You know.

my rapist tells everyone he didn’t do it.

just saying.

One of them is lying. Statistically it is much more likely to be him (about 80-90% chance). Only you can decide if he is worth the risk?

"Your misogyny and entitlement mean you are incapable of seeing a woman's company as less of an entitlement as basic liberty"

"drawing a parallel between women saying no"

I am done for today - do you see the dribble you come up with? who REMOTELY SAID OR SUGGESTED ANYTHING LIKE THIS?

Sign out please, go and enjoy your dinner or switch on netflix because you must be replying to someone else and confusing who said what here.

You need to do a Claire’s Law, especially if you have children.

Big nope.