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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not Letting Nephews Stay Over When Parents Move In

205 replies

Beelineshmeeline · 24/01/2026 09:16

Basically, I split with ex last year and now have 50/50 shared custody with ex. My parents and I aren't that close but they decided to sell their house and look for a new place a lot further away, it's a big move and they're looking for the home to retire in so they're not in a rush to get the next one, they wanna take their time. They asked to come stay with me and I said yes because I'm currently mostly living alone and it seemed like it might help both of us.

Problem is my parents have my brothers sons a lot usually, at least over night a couple of nights a week and they're usually there through the day quite often. Its been very unbalanced and my parents rarely had my DC. So they're in the process of moving stuff into my house and my brother rang yesterday asking where my nephews would be sleeping when they came over because there's not enough rooms. I said they wouldn't be, they've never stayed over and I don't have the space.

He went off on one, I spoke to my parents who said they agreed and said they'd already explained to him they wouldn't be able to babysit anymore but this isn't enough for my brother and his wife who have called me again this morning asking what they're supposed to do for childcare and said its just spite that I won't let them stay over.

We're not a close family. My brother never bothers with my DC or me, I don't have the space, and in the selfish ways, I honestly do not want my house filled with children. I agreed to let my parents stay, not become a makeshift daycare. I know it's ridiculous but I'm going through separation, my child is disabled, it's already a lot to take 2 more people in when we're not close. Adding my nephews to the picture several times a week just isn't happening. I'd have assumed they'd have found other options considering my parents plan on moving several hours away at least!

OP posts:
Sanasaaa · 24/01/2026 09:21

Don't give it a moment more thought, housing two adults for an unknown amount of time will be bad enough.

Decline your brother's demands that someone else figure out his childcare issues for him.

LightDrizzle · 24/01/2026 09:24

Well you are not being at all unreasonable and I wonder whether it hasn’t already occurred your parents that this hiatus between houses creates a perfect windbreak for them to perhaps have a reset on the childcare front. Your brother sounds like he’s a bully. Two overnights a week?!

HellonHeels · 24/01/2026 09:24

Perhaps it's best your parents make other arrangements?

You say it will help you as well as them, but I'm not seeing any benefit to you so far.

HellonHeels · 24/01/2026 09:25

And your brother can FRO!

TrustedTheWrongFart · 24/01/2026 09:25

Surely your parents can provide daytime childcare at your DBs house?

Overnights seem to be more of a nicety rather than a necessity, so DB can do without for the short term.

cestlavielife · 24/01/2026 09:25

They can stay at brother s house to baby sit overnight

Whyherewego · 24/01/2026 09:26

Surely if your brother needs childcare it can be done at his house not yours ? This is nonsense that he expects you to house his kids ! Hard no

Sanasaaa · 24/01/2026 09:29

Go off on one right back, call him and ask when he'll have your kids at his house and that it's spite that he won't.

You won't get more calls from him Wink

LightDrizzle · 24/01/2026 09:33

I’ve just reread the OP and the grandparents are moving hours away so perhaps they’ve had enough.

Placetobreathe · 24/01/2026 09:39

Absolutely entitled , rude, cheeky behaviour by your brother.

You are helping your parents tremendously by having them to live with you while they are house hunting. It's up to them to tell your brother his children can't stay over and if they are unwilling to do this then you would not be unreasonable to say they should make other arrangements re their own temporary living arrangements.

Ohthatsabitshit · 24/01/2026 09:39

The grandparents can go to dbs house to babysit or overnight if they need that. Thank him, and say that’s a brilliant plan as it will give you a little time in your house without guests and your dm and dd a break from being there too. Tell him to arrange it with them.

He’s an arse.

Phoenix1Arisen · 24/01/2026 09:45

Suggest to your brother that he buys and pays to transport to your garden a very large static caravan, big enough to house your parents and his children.

In your shoes, I'd be insisting that your parents contributed a chunk of money towards this solution. How have they let this highly unpleasant situation get this far?

Bet this month's income he wouldn't dream of doing this - his view is that the problem is yours to resolve. It isn't!

FOJN · 24/01/2026 09:47

Your parents were providing childcare. Your parents decided to sell their house and asked to stay with you. Their previous childcare commitments did not become your responsibility when you kindly agreed to let them stay with you.

Do not engage in any conversation about it with either your parents or your brother. Make it clear to your parents they cannot continue providing childcare in your house. Tell your brother to take it up with your parents, it's not your concern and you refuse to get involved.

Perhaps your brother should have offered to house your parents?

WimpoleHat · 24/01/2026 09:48

my brother and his wife who have called me again this morning asking what they're supposed to do for childcare and said its just spite that I won't let them stay over.

Suggest that your brother and his wife put your parents up
in their house. Job done….. Astonishing entitlement from them.

Beelineshmeeline · 24/01/2026 09:48

Thanks all! I actually did wonder if people would think I was being a bit of a cow!

I don't think it'd be an option for them to have my parents at his to babysit considering most of it is just while they stay home. Some of its for work but most of it is just my brother and SIL dropping them off and going back home. SIL and my dad don't get along (both opposite ends of politics and both have the need to constantly remind one another about it, think hard-core labour against lifelong Tory) so I can't see her wanting them round.

The biggest issue I have is that my brother could have taken them in. He's got a spare room and 2 bathrooms. It just feels like he didn't wanna put himself out at all but expected me to take the brunt of all this!

OP posts:
Beelineshmeeline · 24/01/2026 09:50

HellonHeels · 24/01/2026 09:24

Perhaps it's best your parents make other arrangements?

You say it will help you as well as them, but I'm not seeing any benefit to you so far.

I get what you mean. But at the moment I'm really struggling with living alone and I've had an awful time with the separation. I hoped this might make me feel less lonely temporarily and I had thought that maybe my DC would have chance to bond with my parents a bit before they moved off.

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 24/01/2026 09:50

But logistically is is an option for brother to have them at his. He has the space.
The fact that it doesn't suit them or whatever is not your problem. He's trying to make it your problem. But he's being extremely unreasonable.

sesquipedalian · 24/01/2026 09:52

“most of it is just my brother and SIL dropping them off and going back home”

So there is no actual need for your DPs to babysit at all. I’d make it very clear to DB that any babysitting will be done at his house and not yours, and that his DC are neither your DP’s nor your responsibility.

itsthetea · 24/01/2026 09:52

The just remind him that he could have put them up and then there wouldn’t be a problem would there ?

or ask how much money he’s giving you to move to a bigger house ?

he may just be upset that you are supporting their move away

grumpygrape · 24/01/2026 09:53

Surely your brother's (unreasonable) beef is with your parents but as they had already told him the arrangements were over all you are doing is confirming that decision ?

FOJN · 24/01/2026 09:53

Beelineshmeeline · 24/01/2026 09:48

Thanks all! I actually did wonder if people would think I was being a bit of a cow!

I don't think it'd be an option for them to have my parents at his to babysit considering most of it is just while they stay home. Some of its for work but most of it is just my brother and SIL dropping them off and going back home. SIL and my dad don't get along (both opposite ends of politics and both have the need to constantly remind one another about it, think hard-core labour against lifelong Tory) so I can't see her wanting them round.

The biggest issue I have is that my brother could have taken them in. He's got a spare room and 2 bathrooms. It just feels like he didn't wanna put himself out at all but expected me to take the brunt of all this!

Stop thinking in terms of how to justify yourself and start seeing the whole situation as none of your business. If your parents hosted a book club for 30 people every week you wouldn't think it was your job to make alternative arrangements for the book club because your house wasn't big enough.

olympicsrock · 24/01/2026 09:53

No way . This is nothing to do with you.
Your brother is a cf.

user2848502016 · 24/01/2026 09:56

I feel like this is between your brother and parents to sort out, it sounds like they gave enough notice to find alternative childcare so it’s not your problem.
I guess your parents could babysit at their house until your Brother and SIL sort out an alternative, but really up to your parents.

Mosaic80 · 24/01/2026 09:58

You aren’t not being unreasonable. The offer was for your parents only. I’d make 100% sure they are on the same page and won’t be guilted into it (or forced into it by your brother dropping the boys?). Maybe suggest your parents could do some cheap hotel or Airbnb overnights somewhere to spend time with the boys or your brother will have to put up with them staying over at his and going out or on a mini holiday with his wife.

MeridianB · 24/01/2026 09:59

Your brother sounds rude and entitled. What on earth makes him think you should be solving his childcare problems?

Suspect he’s been dumping on your parents and they are using this opportunity to set new boundaries. He sounds like a dreadful parent, son and brother.