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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not Letting Nephews Stay Over When Parents Move In

205 replies

Beelineshmeeline · 24/01/2026 09:16

Basically, I split with ex last year and now have 50/50 shared custody with ex. My parents and I aren't that close but they decided to sell their house and look for a new place a lot further away, it's a big move and they're looking for the home to retire in so they're not in a rush to get the next one, they wanna take their time. They asked to come stay with me and I said yes because I'm currently mostly living alone and it seemed like it might help both of us.

Problem is my parents have my brothers sons a lot usually, at least over night a couple of nights a week and they're usually there through the day quite often. Its been very unbalanced and my parents rarely had my DC. So they're in the process of moving stuff into my house and my brother rang yesterday asking where my nephews would be sleeping when they came over because there's not enough rooms. I said they wouldn't be, they've never stayed over and I don't have the space.

He went off on one, I spoke to my parents who said they agreed and said they'd already explained to him they wouldn't be able to babysit anymore but this isn't enough for my brother and his wife who have called me again this morning asking what they're supposed to do for childcare and said its just spite that I won't let them stay over.

We're not a close family. My brother never bothers with my DC or me, I don't have the space, and in the selfish ways, I honestly do not want my house filled with children. I agreed to let my parents stay, not become a makeshift daycare. I know it's ridiculous but I'm going through separation, my child is disabled, it's already a lot to take 2 more people in when we're not close. Adding my nephews to the picture several times a week just isn't happening. I'd have assumed they'd have found other options considering my parents plan on moving several hours away at least!

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 31/01/2026 11:39

I don't think it'd be an option for them to have my parents at his to babysit considering most of it is just while they stay home.

I don't really get this. So it's not childcare whilst they work?

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 31/01/2026 17:49

Snaletrale · 31/01/2026 07:42

TheSunRisesInTheEast

You are doing what many posters on here also do. You are looking at the problem from your own perspective and family. You cannot see that other peoples situations are different and how you and yours might react, and the outcome, might not be the same in others situations.

As a pp said, stick around. You might be shocked to discover how diverse people’s thoughts and actions are. You might also begin to empathise with others in different circumstances.

In the beginning on here i thought i was quite a middle of the road, logical thinker but quickly learnt that many people do think and behave in ways that are at odds to my way. It’s amazing how different we all are, and how complex we all are. It’s definitely not a case of my way is right (although we all still secretly think we are 😂)
And we have to remember our behaviour is shaped from our childhood and our experiences, and that many are not so lucky to learn how to help themselves emotionally. And even the best parents can have children who go different ways to how they have been bought up.

Ask we can really do is put ourselves in a posters shoes and try to help. It’s no good saying “well my family doesn’t work like that.” How is that helpful?

Yes, I am shocked to discover how diverse people's thoughts and actions are. I'm amazed at how families treat one another in a negative way and also the rudeness of posters who cannot relate to my happy and convivial life, so see fit to insult me. In future, I won't bother commenting because I'm not rude, I don't eff and Jeff, I don't wish to set myself up for abuse and I don't want to bring such negativity into my life.

grumpygrape · 31/01/2026 18:53

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 31/01/2026 17:49

Yes, I am shocked to discover how diverse people's thoughts and actions are. I'm amazed at how families treat one another in a negative way and also the rudeness of posters who cannot relate to my happy and convivial life, so see fit to insult me. In future, I won't bother commenting because I'm not rude, I don't eff and Jeff, I don't wish to set myself up for abuse and I don't want to bring such negativity into my life.

It’s unfortunate you feel people have been rude to you but you do seem to have come with a rather one-sided naïve view of the world. You are very lucky to have such a happy and convivial life but there wouldn’t be so much need for Mumsnet if everyone was the same.

Just being kind doesn’t work against abuse and power play which is often why posters come here for help and support.

If a poster’s life is going down the pan it’s not helpful for someone to suggest being kind and tell them about their perfect life.

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 31/01/2026 22:42

grumpygrape · 31/01/2026 18:53

It’s unfortunate you feel people have been rude to you but you do seem to have come with a rather one-sided naïve view of the world. You are very lucky to have such a happy and convivial life but there wouldn’t be so much need for Mumsnet if everyone was the same.

Just being kind doesn’t work against abuse and power play which is often why posters come here for help and support.

If a poster’s life is going down the pan it’s not helpful for someone to suggest being kind and tell them about their perfect life.

Ok, I will leave. But before I go, I would like to say thank you to the many posters who have given me positive feedback to most of my responses on several threads over the last few weeks since joining. I have a close knit loving, caring and kind family and I choose friends very carefully and don't suffer fools gladly. Despite my many health issues, for which I claim nothing, I am kept very busy looking after grandchildren and elderly mum and MIL, and I don't need any more stress than I already have. I am a cheerful person, kind, generous and caring, if I've come across any other way it is because of the negativity and bitchiness on here which I'm not used to, nor do I want to get used to it. Mumsnet isn't for me - bye.

grumpygrape · 31/01/2026 22:51

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 31/01/2026 22:42

Ok, I will leave. But before I go, I would like to say thank you to the many posters who have given me positive feedback to most of my responses on several threads over the last few weeks since joining. I have a close knit loving, caring and kind family and I choose friends very carefully and don't suffer fools gladly. Despite my many health issues, for which I claim nothing, I am kept very busy looking after grandchildren and elderly mum and MIL, and I don't need any more stress than I already have. I am a cheerful person, kind, generous and caring, if I've come across any other way it is because of the negativity and bitchiness on here which I'm not used to, nor do I want to get used to it. Mumsnet isn't for me - bye.

You don't need to leave unless seeing 'how the other half lives' causes you stress.

Just understand we all have different experiences and not everyone is as stable and fortunate as you.

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