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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not Letting Nephews Stay Over When Parents Move In

205 replies

Beelineshmeeline · 24/01/2026 09:16

Basically, I split with ex last year and now have 50/50 shared custody with ex. My parents and I aren't that close but they decided to sell their house and look for a new place a lot further away, it's a big move and they're looking for the home to retire in so they're not in a rush to get the next one, they wanna take their time. They asked to come stay with me and I said yes because I'm currently mostly living alone and it seemed like it might help both of us.

Problem is my parents have my brothers sons a lot usually, at least over night a couple of nights a week and they're usually there through the day quite often. Its been very unbalanced and my parents rarely had my DC. So they're in the process of moving stuff into my house and my brother rang yesterday asking where my nephews would be sleeping when they came over because there's not enough rooms. I said they wouldn't be, they've never stayed over and I don't have the space.

He went off on one, I spoke to my parents who said they agreed and said they'd already explained to him they wouldn't be able to babysit anymore but this isn't enough for my brother and his wife who have called me again this morning asking what they're supposed to do for childcare and said its just spite that I won't let them stay over.

We're not a close family. My brother never bothers with my DC or me, I don't have the space, and in the selfish ways, I honestly do not want my house filled with children. I agreed to let my parents stay, not become a makeshift daycare. I know it's ridiculous but I'm going through separation, my child is disabled, it's already a lot to take 2 more people in when we're not close. Adding my nephews to the picture several times a week just isn't happening. I'd have assumed they'd have found other options considering my parents plan on moving several hours away at least!

OP posts:
Idontthinkicandothisanymore · 24/01/2026 11:23

Tell your brother to fuck right off

pinkyredrose · 24/01/2026 11:24

Why do they have the kids so often and how old are they? Are they well behaved?

allthingsinmoderation · 24/01/2026 11:26

Have your parents asked you to accommodate your nephews in the way they did before moving in with you?
Did you discuss with your parents the terms under which they stay with you?
What does your brother think wil happen when your parent find their retirement home far away?
Bottom line ,i dont think you are unreasoable to say you cant accomodate your nephews because you dont have room. Don't enter into further discussion.

researchers3 · 24/01/2026 11:27

Beelineshmeeline · 24/01/2026 09:50

I get what you mean. But at the moment I'm really struggling with living alone and I've had an awful time with the separation. I hoped this might make me feel less lonely temporarily and I had thought that maybe my DC would have chance to bond with my parents a bit before they moved off.

Sorry to hear that op.

Hang on in there. Hope it goes well with your parents. Your DB is astonishingly entitled.

Elsvieta · 24/01/2026 11:30

Your brother is an arse. "Spite" over what, exactly?

Be VERY firm - I reckon once your parents are out of your spare room and into their new home, he'll think you've got no excuse to not be accommodating his kids overnight whenever he wants. Tell him to sod right off.

hahagogomomo · 24/01/2026 11:30

Your parents can go to his house to babysit

RedToothBrush · 24/01/2026 11:38

my brother and his wife who have called me again this morning asking what they're supposed to do for childcare and said its just spite that I won't let them stay over.

I'd say that there's no where for them to stay which isn't spiteful it's just a matter of space and this isn't your fault and it's not your problem to solve as they are parents and not automatically entitled to a babysitter. They are perfectly capable of getting a paid babysitter or speaking to your parents directly. You aren't a secretary.

Then I wouldn't give it another thought. It's their problem. If he's going to throw a tantrum over it, then that's his problem.

RottenBanana · 24/01/2026 11:38

'They are your children to parent. I am sure you will find a solution that does not include me providing a venue'.

Itiswhysofew · 24/01/2026 11:44

Situations change in life. Your brother can't always have it his way.
Your parents might be glad of the break.

Cakeandcardio · 24/01/2026 11:47

Did they do more childcare for your brother because it was their choice or because he is a demanding dick? Is he one of those ones who just goes on and on and on and on until he gets what he wants? No wonder your parents are moving away.

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 24/01/2026 11:54

You are going through a separation, you have a disabled son, your parents have played a big part in looking after their son's children who are still needing their care, why are they moving away? If they're downsizing, isn't there somewhere suitable in your area? It sounds like your parents are leaving you and your brother in the lurch. When you have children you have to look beyond the early years of parenthood, you have to make sacrifices for the sake of your family. If your parents don't want to look after the children so much, what about your SIL's parents? Can't they share the care with your parents? Depending on how disabled your son is, and with you living alone with him, I can't imagine moving so far away from you in your time of need. It sounds like you need their support more than ever. I hope your parents can see how much they're needed by you, your brother and their grandsons, and rethink their wish to move so far away from you all.

Anonanonay · 24/01/2026 11:58

So your sibling is the one who has the favours done for him, and you're the one who has to accommodate your parents. The asymmetry there tells you everything, OP. Tell your brother to do one.

Brefugee · 24/01/2026 12:01

if i understood the OP correctly, your parents agree with you that it's not possible? no issue

if i have misunderstood then you tell your parents - much as it may bother you - they are not welcome.

You have no relationship with your brother so there is no issue with pissing him off, right?

PrincessFairyWren · 24/01/2026 12:03

cestlavielife · 24/01/2026 09:25

They can stay at brother s house to baby sit overnight

This. If your brother and his partner are doing shift work surely this is easier anyway.

MyDeftDuck · 24/01/2026 12:07

FFS! The sheer entitlement of some people just blows my mind! Tell your precious, self absorbed brother and his demanding wife that THEIR kids are THEIR problem! You don’t have the room, you can’t invent the room and your parents having them overnight whilst bunking down at your home is NOT happening.
As a pp suggests, tell your parents to babysit at DB house. You have enough to contend with OP.

ParmaVioletTea · 24/01/2026 12:12

Gosh, it must be embarrassing for your parents to have raised & indulged such a nasty man as your brother. It's their problem, not yours.

(Are they moving to get away from him?)

LadeOde · 24/01/2026 12:21

cestlavielife · 24/01/2026 09:25

They can stay at brother s house to baby sit overnight

Why didn't they go and stay at your brother's house until they can find a new place? Surely that would've been a much better plan.

Brefugee · 24/01/2026 12:22

I'm guessing a) parents didn't want to and b) brother and sil also didn't want them to?

Parents are escaping the never ending nephew-sitting and i don't blame them.

WatalotIgot · 24/01/2026 12:27

Your brother is/was thinking that you would take over having their boys when GPs moved away. This would happen without any need for discussion as they would then be familiar with staying at your house.

m00rfarm · 24/01/2026 12:31

Your parents can move into your DB's house. Sorted.

MoodyMargaret11 · 24/01/2026 12:37

Wow just when I've thought I heard it all, this definitely CF of highest order!
Send him 1 last blunt message to put him in his place, then block.

BillieWiper · 24/01/2026 12:38

Why can't your parents babysit brothers kids at his house? Or if he's that desperate and they are still willing then he'll have to pay for a hotel/air b&b for GPs plus kids.

Dollymylove · 24/01/2026 12:39

Their childcare is not your problem. Leave them to it

Puzzledandpissedoff · 24/01/2026 12:44

My parents ... said they agreed and said they'd already explained to him they wouldn't be able to babysit anymore but this isn't enough for my brother and his wife who have called me again this morning asking what they're supposed to do for childcare

Well this is an easy one - just tell him he'll need to discuss this with his parents.
They are after all the ones who created this situation by pandering to him, and it was again their decision to move, so they'll just have to sort it out without involving you

itsthetea · 24/01/2026 12:46

TheSunRisesInTheEast · 24/01/2026 11:54

You are going through a separation, you have a disabled son, your parents have played a big part in looking after their son's children who are still needing their care, why are they moving away? If they're downsizing, isn't there somewhere suitable in your area? It sounds like your parents are leaving you and your brother in the lurch. When you have children you have to look beyond the early years of parenthood, you have to make sacrifices for the sake of your family. If your parents don't want to look after the children so much, what about your SIL's parents? Can't they share the care with your parents? Depending on how disabled your son is, and with you living alone with him, I can't imagine moving so far away from you in your time of need. It sounds like you need their support more than ever. I hope your parents can see how much they're needed by you, your brother and their grandsons, and rethink their wish to move so far away from you all.

Children need to learn their own independence

its the right time for her parents to start living the last few years of their lives as they want

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