Not Letting Nephews Stay Over When Parents Move In

[Beelineshmeeline]

Basically, I split with ex last year and now have 50/50 shared custody with ex. My parents and I aren't that close but they decided to sell their house and look for a new place a lot further away, it's a big move and they're looking for the home to retire in so they're not in a rush to get the next one, they wanna take their time. They asked to come stay with me and I said yes because I'm currently mostly living alone and it seemed like it might help both of us.

Problem is my parents have my brothers sons a lot usually, at least over night a couple of nights a week and they're usually there through the day quite often. Its been very unbalanced and my parents rarely had my DC. So they're in the process of moving stuff into my house and my brother rang yesterday asking where my nephews would be sleeping when they came over because there's not enough rooms. I said they wouldn't be, they've never stayed over and I don't have the space.

He went off on one, I spoke to my parents who said they agreed and said they'd already explained to him they wouldn't be able to babysit anymore but this isn't enough for my brother and his wife who have called me again this morning asking what they're supposed to do for childcare and said its just spite that I won't let them stay over.

We're not a close family. My brother never bothers with my DC or me, I don't have the space, and in the selfish ways, I honestly do not want my house filled with children. I agreed to let my parents stay, not become a makeshift daycare. I know it's ridiculous but I'm going through separation, my child is disabled, it's already a lot to take 2 more people in when we're not close. Adding my nephews to the picture several times a week just isn't happening. I'd have assumed they'd have found other options considering my parents plan on moving several hours away at least!

Your mum thinks your brother is being selfish and not listening and she's made it clear she doesn't want to babysit and knows you aren't gatekeeping.

That's ultimately all that matters.

Let your brother get on with his tantrum and continue to ignore him.

Your parents are clearly moving away in part because he's a dickhead.

He's trying to control and coerce. This is a very good reason to stay the hell away from you.

Basically this!

plus why can't your parents go to his to look after his kids??

he's been told, he doesn't have to like it. Just refuse to discuss it further. No means no.

I've just read your other posts.

just tell your brother to stop being such an entitled twat & to fuck off!

One poster upthread stated that this haitus between housing creates the perfect time for your parents to reconsider their options and if desired, reset. An effective way of breaking a bad or undesirable relationship is to not be there physically for a period. That means the abusive party has to make other arrangements for their needs to be fufilled. It creates a space to reflect and if necessary renegotiate.

A couple of messages and a phone call??
Blimey, they are persistent. And unbelievably selfish and shameless. He just wants to take his frustration out on you and bully you, because he has been powerless to sway your parents' decision. Hoping that you'd be bullying your parents on his behalf - OR - that you'd feel sorry and pressured to take them in and look after them yourself.
Well done for not engaging and keep it that way. You've got enough on your plate dont waste your precious energy on these CFs.

Big grey rock your ridiculous brother. He should be embarrassed at the way he’s behaved. You’ve done the right thing. Hope it becomes more peaceful soon.

Absolutely stand your ground.

By the sounds of it, perhaps your parents have had enough of the babysitting, and part of this move is also for them to have the opportunity to say no to your brother regarding them having to look after his kids? If he has been as pushy with them as he is being with you, then I imagine he is also rather pushy with them!

I hope you get some support having your parents move in. Plus it won't be forever if they're moving.

Just ignore your brother. Your parents have made their decision and it has nothing to do with you. There is not space for them to stay and that was never part of the agreement.

Sounds like theyve sold up early as they are sick of the childcare expections, they are probably pleased as punch your taking them in for a bit. Yanbu, just be careful they dont try it on and drop them off on your doorstep while they are staying at yours!

Excellent OP. Stand up for yourself and in turn make absolutely certain that your parents move. I reckon spoilt bastard Brother will do everything to put a spanner in those works....he's got a cushy number going hasn't he?

Your parents have got the measure of him. Just continue to ignore.

Agreed, and OP too has the measure of him too.

Remind Bro that his parents can stay at his place a couple of nights per week.

Don't forget there are two little boys here who are used to and enjoy spending time with their grandparents, it's not just about what the adults want. I get a lot of pleasure from looking after my two granddaughters, and I know they enjoy time spent with me. The boys are caught up in this family feud and it isn't fair to stop seeing them for the sake of point scoring.

Why can’t your parents stay at your brothers when they need a babysitter that would solve their problems x

I can't imagine that anyone would be that hateful towards their grandchildren, that's an awful thought.

Your parental are being alright about it and told him no off their own backs so theres no problem really. Doesn't sound like you will be losing much of a brother!

Irrespective of how the OP gets on with her brother, the parents are turning their backs on three grandchildren here, one who's disabled. I can't imagine being that selfish. Family will always be at the forefront of any decisions I make. Why create a family to leave them all behind?

Your mum shouldn't be passing that on.

Tell her she needs to keep that to herself and address it with him directly.

The only reason she has to tell you that is to upset or manipulate you.

Unlikely she's just being thoughtless as most parents try to minimise and mitigate wedges between their kids.

Why should the parents make other arrangements?OP has already agreed that they can stay. The nephews are a separate i1ssue and parents agree with OP. Why punish parents for brother's behaviour?
Also who knows. Ozp may get closer to hwr parents if they stay a while .

Hopefully not too close, as soon as they find a house they'll be off, miles away, the daughter would really miss them if they developed a special bond, something they haven't had up to now, which would make the separation even harder.

I hope OP has some really good friends, fun, kind and supportive, she'll need them 💐

But that's up to OP's parents who have told their son they won't be able to have the boys anymore.

Let your brother find childcare for his own children. It is his problem not yours. He sounds like he rules your parents and likes to throw his weight around and bully people

Concentrate on your life and your family's well being and.happiness.

You sound as though you have enough to cope with.

Best Wishes😻👍
X

it sounds like your parents are relishing the chance to have a break from babysitting your nephews.

maybe that is why they wanted to stay with you over your brother.

sounds like your brother has space for your parents so they could always stay over there if they wanted to babysit every now and then.

I disagree. I think it was absolutely right for the OP's mother to make her position clear and to reassure her daughter that they were on the same page. I have been in a similar situation except in was my husband's sibling causing trouble and both my husband and I felt reassured by my mother in law's honesty. Hopefully in most circumstances parents can make happier choices but it seems here that any family wedge is not being facilitated by the OP or her parents.