Not Letting Nephews Stay Over When Parents Move In

[Beelineshmeeline]

Basically, I split with ex last year and now have 50/50 shared custody with ex. My parents and I aren't that close but they decided to sell their house and look for a new place a lot further away, it's a big move and they're looking for the home to retire in so they're not in a rush to get the next one, they wanna take their time. They asked to come stay with me and I said yes because I'm currently mostly living alone and it seemed like it might help both of us.

Problem is my parents have my brothers sons a lot usually, at least over night a couple of nights a week and they're usually there through the day quite often. Its been very unbalanced and my parents rarely had my DC. So they're in the process of moving stuff into my house and my brother rang yesterday asking where my nephews would be sleeping when they came over because there's not enough rooms. I said they wouldn't be, they've never stayed over and I don't have the space.

He went off on one, I spoke to my parents who said they agreed and said they'd already explained to him they wouldn't be able to babysit anymore but this isn't enough for my brother and his wife who have called me again this morning asking what they're supposed to do for childcare and said its just spite that I won't let them stay over.

We're not a close family. My brother never bothers with my DC or me, I don't have the space, and in the selfish ways, I honestly do not want my house filled with children. I agreed to let my parents stay, not become a makeshift daycare. I know it's ridiculous but I'm going through separation, my child is disabled, it's already a lot to take 2 more people in when we're not close. Adding my nephews to the picture several times a week just isn't happening. I'd have assumed they'd have found other options considering my parents plan on moving several hours away at least!

Can parents stay overnight at brothers and watch nephews as and when ,,your brother is a CF btw

Suggest brother has parents stay at his house

To me, what is quite worrying in all of this is that you seem to think that there is a possibility that yabu.

Even if you could do it wouldn't have to.

"Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to."

In the words of Phoebe Buffay.

'The biggest issue I have is that my brother could have taken them in. He's got a spare room and 2 bathrooms. It just feels like he didn't wanna put himself out at all but expected me to take the brunt of all this!'

Your brother is quite the dick. 🍆

Leave him to his tantrum.

You get on with your life.

The cynic in me thinks that parents have said no to brother, he knows they are planning to move too far away anyway so he is seeking a new babysitter in the OP because by the time the parents move on the boys will be 'used to OP now' and 'you've had them for the last 6 months, they've lost their grandparents and now you have more space too - dont be selfish' type build up going on.

Say no OP and mean it.

YANBU. It's your parents who take care of your nephews, and therefore up to them to discuss with your brother what's happening. They've chosen (asked!) to come to live with you, knowing there's no space. That's not your fault. It's theirs - and even then it's not really their "fault", as your brother's sons should be HIS responsibility!

I agree with the posters who say they may have done this on purpose to try and set boundaries. It's probably too much for them looking after kids this much!

I bet your brother didn't take them in because they would be able to ship the kids off still while they stayed home.

You made the right decision to have your parents stay with you, will be good for you and your child to bond with them before they move away. Your brother needs to stop being so selfish and arrange his kids child care ...if it bothers him so much maybe he can take your parents to his house a couple of days in a week when he needs help...but in no way should you be accommodating to it.

So many people seem to be missing the OP’s comment:

[parents] agreed and said they'd already explained to him they wouldn't be able to babysit anymore.

ie They don’t WANT and do not plan to continue providing childcare. They have made this clear to Brother/SIL, who need to wind their necks in and now arrange paid-for childcare.

I would simply block their numbers and advise parents to do the same.

Say no OP and mean it.

Then do not exchange another word in any form with the brother and his missus, I never understand why people continue responding once they've said No.

Its not your problem. Your parents have already said no.

but she doesn't want to do it at all

Sounds like your brother shouldn't have had children. Tell him to fuck off and pay for childcare. Grandparents aren't a dumping ground for his responsibility and neither are you. Will he have his kids adopted when your parents move hours away?

Your brother is going to be in for a bit of a shock when DParents move even further away.

I think they've made their position quite clear, that they no longer wish to babysit, but maybe they just need to say that outright.

This in abundance.
Definitive N0 OP.
Not for further discussion

How rude, selfish and self centred of your brother. If he is that worried your parents could move in with him, although I am imagining your parents wouldn’t want to at the sound of his behaviour.

I hope this time for you and your parents is one of precious time. Living together can be fraught especially with all you have to care for in your own life. Remember to have time apart and I wish you well.
Tell your brother if needed to do one quite frankly, and where is his help to you? Bloody cheek…. Don’t get me started about things like this..

I never understand why people continue responding once they've said No

You're not alone in this, @JudgeJ

I realise these types are inclined to pester, but for me at least the answer to that is a calm and polite "We've already discussed this haven't we?", and Yes-Buts get "I'm afraid my decision hasn't changed so maybe we could talk about something else"

Tell him that he can always have your parents to stay if he likes. I'm sure he'll soon pipe down then.

Me too.
Cheeky fxxkers argue.
Once I have said no, I simply no longer engage/reply further.
I found this most effective with CF parents at my childrens school or various activities.

This.

Everyone saying the parents can babysit at his house clearly didn't read the OP properly. They've already told the brother they wouldn't be babysitting anymore and he's refusing tp accept it.

I don't know anyone who sells their house without having a new house ready to move into. It sounds like these poor parents were so desperate to stop the childcare they sold their house as soon as they could just so he couldn't bully them into it anymore.

Your brother is another one of those people, do a favour for and it turns into a right.

F-that.

You're not being unreasonable, your house, your rules! Don't give his tantrum a second thought.

Brother and his wife can do for childcare what millions of other parents do for childcare: find a childminder or a nursery place and pay for it.

Does your brother know what spite means? Not having the physical space to accommodate something is not spite (thick twat).

Why does he stay a few nights with them ?

for pleasure or for work

sounds like the gp aka your parents have had enough of childcare

2/3 nights a week is a lot for them

let alone daytime

obv if you haven’t the room
he can’t stay and they can look after bk. in his own home if they wan to do that

Thanks everyone who voted and commented. I can't tell you how relieved I feel to see everyone's in agreement that I'm not the bad one in the situation. I'll admit my separation is still very raw and I often become vulnerable to thinking I'm doing all this wrong!

To answer a few questions. My parents have always planned to move away in retirement, my mums family are from the area they're hoping to find a house in and she'll be closer to her cousins and extended family. The timeline has moved up due to my dad's health and he's decided to hand over his business to his partner early so my brother wasn't expecting this for several years.
I'm fully in support of my parents moving away, we are not a close family and my brother never bothered with them before having kids and unless it's for babysitting, he doesn't bother now. He had tried to convince them not to move yet but they were firm in their decision.
My brother has the space to take them but didn't want to and my parents had told him already that they couldn't have the kids anymore. My nephews aren't bad kids but they're very active and clumsy, I never see them really my my brother never sees my child the same, so even if I had the space I wouldn't have been taking them overnight.

I've stood by my decision and won't be backing down. There's been a couple of messages and a phone call I ignored but I've just not responded. My mum said my brother has said I must be enjoying the control of gatekeeping my parents which she found ridiculous, I think he's just throwing his teddy out the cot now.

But thank you! Alls well.