Not Letting Nephews Stay Over When Parents Move In

[Beelineshmeeline]

Basically, I split with ex last year and now have 50/50 shared custody with ex. My parents and I aren't that close but they decided to sell their house and look for a new place a lot further away, it's a big move and they're looking for the home to retire in so they're not in a rush to get the next one, they wanna take their time. They asked to come stay with me and I said yes because I'm currently mostly living alone and it seemed like it might help both of us.

Problem is my parents have my brothers sons a lot usually, at least over night a couple of nights a week and they're usually there through the day quite often. Its been very unbalanced and my parents rarely had my DC. So they're in the process of moving stuff into my house and my brother rang yesterday asking where my nephews would be sleeping when they came over because there's not enough rooms. I said they wouldn't be, they've never stayed over and I don't have the space.

He went off on one, I spoke to my parents who said they agreed and said they'd already explained to him they wouldn't be able to babysit anymore but this isn't enough for my brother and his wife who have called me again this morning asking what they're supposed to do for childcare and said its just spite that I won't let them stay over.

We're not a close family. My brother never bothers with my DC or me, I don't have the space, and in the selfish ways, I honestly do not want my house filled with children. I agreed to let my parents stay, not become a makeshift daycare. I know it's ridiculous but I'm going through separation, my child is disabled, it's already a lot to take 2 more people in when we're not close. Adding my nephews to the picture several times a week just isn't happening. I'd have assumed they'd have found other options considering my parents plan on moving several hours away at least!

I am gobsmacked at the self centred entitlement of some people in this world. Your brother had a good thing going that's now coming to an end and he expects you to carry it on?! Words fail me.

Some of its for work but most of it is just my brother and SIL dropping them off and going back home.

That tells you a lot about their attitude to parenting and their sense of entitlement. They don't consider their children to be their responsibility. Your brother is kicking off because their selfish lifestyle is being threatened. I feel sorry for the kids who are dumped whenever their parents don't want to be arsed.

But none of that is your problem. You don't have room, and most importantly you don't want to do it. Keep saying no, and don't feel guilty whatever DB tries to get you to say yes.

I get the feeling that their desire for a break is precisely why they are moving away!

Unfortunately this is a well worn path when favours have been done ... instead of being at all grateful for them, the recipients too often throw tantrums when the time comes for them to end

That's bro's problem to deal with.

Your parents told them the arrangement they had wouldn't be continuing, so they had notice. If they chose to ignore it and think they can bully you into providing childcare on your home, they're out of order. You realize this is bro trying to set you up to be his future childcare provider once your parents are gone, right?

Their lack of planning is not your problem.

Say no one last time and block them both. Don't let them drop the kids off. If they try, tell them you'll be calling the police.

Is this part of why your parents are moving?

You need to tell your brother that if he tries dumping his kid at your house that you will
call the police AND social services and tell them he’s dumped his kid on your doorstep without your approval or knowledge and you won’t be looking after him!!!

Next time he calls, tell him to take it up with your parents. If childcare is really "needed" it can be done at your brother's house. Repeat until he gets the message.

Just tell your brother ‘your kids’ care isn’t my problem, don’t contact me about this again.’

Even worse.
Tell him to FRO.

100%

I suspect your parents wanting to move further away, is likely in part because they no longer want to babysit their grandsons on a regular basis. You housing your parents whilst they look for a suitable home, has given them the perfect opportunity to stop the babysitting. Your brother and SIL should be making alternative arrangements for their children, considering your parents are moving away!! The fact they haven't and still think their parents are going to continue whilst living with you, is not your problem. The children are theirs, not yours or your parents.

Your parents need to tell your brother, that they will no longer be providing childcare for their grandsons again, and keep reiterating it. You need to also stand your ground, you don't have the physical space for your nephew's to stay and them being baby sat in your home is not convenient to you. Your parents have told him the arrangement is stopping, they need to figure out long-term childcare for their children.

You have the perfect reason, you have no room. Just repeat, can't do it no room! Does he expect you to move out a couple of nights a week or sleep on the sofa so his sons can stay. If your parents will be moving away anyway this is his opportunity to sort out his baby sitting arrangements permanently, or is he expecting you would carry on having his sons twice a week?

irrelevant

If your brother is so upset maybe he needs to let your parents move in with him.
You're doing the favour for your parents, not him!

Not really. Op probably wouldn't want badly behaved children in her home and the ages/amount of children are relevant in the amount of noise they're likely to make.

If your parents are moving then your DB needs to sort his shit out anyway. Sounds like your parents are getting away from him. Enjoy the time you spend with them until they move.

That he had the room but didn't want his parents staying with him as built in childcare makes me think even more that this insistance on bringing them to your place for grandparents to do childcare is more about getting you to be the new free childcare provider.

You're going to have to be blunt and clear.

She doesn't want the children in her house whether they're badly behaved, well behaved or mother bloody Teresa! So yes, it's completely irrelevant.
Stand you ground @Beelineshmeeline , your brother is a massive bully and mumsnet is right behind you!

Ok good point.

Maybe your parents have had enough of child-sitting for your brother. If they're moving further away he'd be having to make new arrangements anyway.

He needs to get a grip, no way. Childcare facilities are currently closed.

Wow, your brother is a right piece of work, isn’t he?
Tbh, if he mentioned it again, particularly ringing you up to have a go about an arrangement that was nothing to do with you, I’d rip him a new one. It would include telling him he’s a lazy parent who takes advantage of other’s so he doesn’t have to look after his own children. Oh yeah, and that he’s a deeply selfish pos.
His ears would be in fire and the phone would melt.
Don't take any of his self serving bullshit, you say you’re not close at all so there’s nothing to lose.
Have at him.

Personally I think this your parents problem to solve. Leave them to it to explain to your brother why they can’t have nephew, absolutely not your problem and I wouldn’t get involved in explaining.

Sounds like your parents have had enough of the free childcare for this pair of chancers.

Repeat there isn't a chance you will entertain this and then either block him, or delete every incoming message.

I am forever stunned at what I read on here.

Some siblings are close, but a lot aren't. A lot actively dislike each other, and rarely meet, except for with parents etc. As you say you're in this group, it's fine. If you were close, and they'd done lots to help you, it might be different. You're not running a hotel/nursery.