Dads using female communal changing room

[Strawberrryfields]

Not sure how I feel about this so looking for opinions and whether I should do anything.

A couple of times recently I’ve been changing my child after swimming and a dad has come in to change his child in the communal female changing room. It’s after lessons so only children changing. There are communal female, communal male and a number of individual cubicles. It gets very busy at peak times so at times you may need to wait for an individual cubicle.

It feels weird to me a grown man being in there and my instinct is that he should use the private cubicles, though he is clearly there with his child helping them get ready. I also understand him not wanting to take his child into the men’s communal changing rooms with random men in there but to me, he is a random man.

Should I say something? Would you? Chances are it’s just a normal dad changing his kid but I don’t feel entirely comfortable with it but not sure if IABU?

So what happens when there numerous dads taking kids? They should use the men's but then there's little kids naked in a room with men so you object.

Should men not be allowed to do certain activities with young children?

If there's a disability or something and an older child or adult needs an opposite sex carer to change them, then use the disabled changing.

Ok the point about older children makes sense to me - in our situation it’s all very young children only. Do people feel this also applies to a woman in the men’s (which is what I do)? I feel much more comfortable not exposing girls to my son undressed, but wouldn’t want dads to feel uncomfortable that I’m in there whilst their children change.

Jesus wept.

A) it's about safety
B) it's also about privacy and dignity
C) not all girls in there will be accompanied by an adult
D) girls over 8 will be very bodily conscious of undressing in front of adults males for good reason - see B
E) Dad can fuck off with his child to either the men's or the unisex facilities and have some bloody respect for the girls
F) I seriously can't believe we have to explain this on a parenting forum. Have people lost their minds and their brains fallen out when it comes to safeguarding.

I took DS swimming. He was changing in the mens by himself from age 7. It was just kids in there. I didn't for one second expect to go into the men's nor did I think it appropriate for DS to be in the women's. This is not a difficult concept.

I don’t object to small children changing in a room with their father and other dads. That’s what happens when dad takes their kid swimming and is a risk decided upon by the parent. If dad is with them they’re not exactly in danger from the other men.

So women can look at male children in the men's even if they are going through puberty but girls must be protected?

Is the guy discretely standing with his back turned or is he ogling the girls?

No there isn't, it's that swimming group only. Op said.

My point is I thimk he should use the men's. That's fine. But the "men can't be around naked children" only works if you provide enough cubicles and make all Dad's use them or you ban Dad's from lessons or you provide women to dress their kids

You should not be in the mens.

It is strictly enforced at our swimming pool. Even for children's lessons.

I would report you if I saw you doing this. It's inappropriate. My son would not be comfortable with you in there.

Yes! Get out of the men’s that’s a room for them to use. If your son is small he goes into the ladies with you because he’s a young child.

I suggest you take this up with my local swimming pool. It's a total straw man and I think parents who do it are disrespectful twats and yes I would report them for safeguarding reasons.

Or use the family/communal spaces. If these aren’t available then yes, they’ll have to.

How long are children actually naked while changing? Wrapped in a towel to dry then clothes put on rapidly usually still half wrapped in a towel. They aren't or shouldn't be running around naked.

He is protecting his daughter at the expense of others. What a gent.
Report him.

@RedToothBrushI think it’s not entirely obvious hence op’s post and I think we should be able to discuss without descending into being insulting to each other. My oldest is 5, but I am surprised that you felt comfortable with your 7yo son changing in the men’s without an adult, although maybe I’ll feel differently when my son is 7. The risk of a child unaccompanied in a men’s changing room seems higher to me than the alternative.

There's no reason for him to be in the women's communal one. He should take his kid into a private booth in either the mens or women's. For her dignity and obviously he might need to get changed also.

I understand he might want to shield his daughter from possibly seeing adult male genitals, but that's no excuse for him to be able to see female genitals of any age.

I guess you need to check the rules. But if there's a chance there'll be naked women there then men shouldn't be.

This is interesting because I have the opposite situation, take my daughter to swimming at what is a school pool so only communal boys or girls changing rooms. I'm getting mad with the mums who bring their boys into the girls changing rooms because they (the mums) are women. To me that mum should be in the boys changing room as the only people changing are children.

So to me that would put this dad in the OP in the right place. My main issue is the boys who are old enough IMO to get changed by themselves but the mums clearly aren't ready to let them do so, and are happy for them to stare at the changing girls trying to hide behind towels.

I don't think people have fully twigged that the only people getting changed are the kids.

I certainly hadn't. That makes quite a significant difference. I wonder if the staff are actually telling people they should go with sex of the child not the adult? Arguably no adults should be in a changing room with kids who aren't their own at all, that would be a typcial policy. I also suspect that adults are expected to supervise their kids so sending them alone might not work. It's a minefield.

Either way the pool's policy on this should be on a bit of A4 taped the door becaise people are clearly getting caught out and it's easy to see why. (By policy I mean "The segregation is based on the adults sex, not the person who is changing." or vice versa.)

Some mums did offer to keep an eye on her if he left her in there

I'm not convinced leaving a child with an unknown adult is a good solution either.

A grown man should not be in a room with unrelated naked young girls.

Which is exactly what will happen if the Dads take their daughters into the Boys' Changing room. There's no right answer here.

My main issue is the boys who are old enough IMO to get changed by themselves but the mums clearly aren't ready to let them do so, and are happy for them to stare at the changing girls trying to hide behind towels.

I fear the age the staring/curiosity starts precedes the age they can be trusted to change alone. 🙁

The law is that changing rooms are single sex . There is an exception for children to use the wrong sex if they are too small. There is no exception for adults.

Because some of the older children have rights to privacy and dignity as well as safeguarding from voeuyerism under laws about single sex provision.

This isn't hard.

People claim it's hard because they are entitled twats who don't give a shit about others.

Report to reception.

Then dad's should find an alternative solution if it bothers them. They are accompanying their child.

Not all the girls in the female changing will be accompanied.

It's not up to the girls to budge up to accommodate the Dads.

Women don't take their boys into the men's.

I have known this to happen, and I've told the women in question they need to go somewhere else.

‘It’s only kids changing’

but it’ll be kids of different ages.
our swim school range from toddlers to teens.
my 11 year old would be mortified and feel quite upset if a man turned up whilst she was changing.

You can take your son in the women’s if he is under 8. After that, he goes in the men’s alone. This is the advice for both sexes at DC’s swimming club. Adults use the changing rooms of their own sex, and age 8, children need to do the same.

I don’t understand why people find this so hard.

He takes his DC to the men's changing room. If other men object, that's their problem.

An adult man does not belong in a female single-sex space.

This is a tough one, because the real problem is that this place is missing family changing rooms! At least the individual ones are big enough for a child and parent. If they are, then a female assisting a boy, or male assisting a girl should use those indeed.
And if the children are over 8 or so, then they can change on their own.