Dads using female communal changing room

[Strawberrryfields]

Not sure how I feel about this so looking for opinions and whether I should do anything.

A couple of times recently I’ve been changing my child after swimming and a dad has come in to change his child in the communal female changing room. It’s after lessons so only children changing. There are communal female, communal male and a number of individual cubicles. It gets very busy at peak times so at times you may need to wait for an individual cubicle.

It feels weird to me a grown man being in there and my instinct is that he should use the private cubicles, though he is clearly there with his child helping them get ready. I also understand him not wanting to take his child into the men’s communal changing rooms with random men in there but to me, he is a random man.

Should I say something? Would you? Chances are it’s just a normal dad changing his kid but I don’t feel entirely comfortable with it but not sure if IABU?

What?

The pp said "a grown man should not be I na room with unrelated naked girls" which is fine assuming only one dad brings a daughter. But what if there's several Dad's using the male changing room with their kids? Is the pp really saying that women can take their sons and daughters into the open women's changing room but men must use a cubicle?

ive had this a few times, including my children’s lessons. No adults were swimming so a dad thought the right thing to do was to accompany his young daughter into the girls side. Once he’d entered, a group of mums had to form a wall to prevent him from moving in further as he could not get it into his head that his daughter (aged about 6) should change in the boys’ side if he was with her. Some mums did offer to keep an eye on her if he left her in there, as she looked more than capable of getting changed by herself, in a closed environment where the only people present were there for the lessons. The dad had no regard for the older girls who were also changing there - lessons don’t stop aged 9, we had the squad getting changed there too, up to age 17.
Ive also seen this in a local pool, but I remember this dad particularly, as others have beaten a hasty retreat when it was explained to them, this one was just so entitled, I just couldn’t get my head around his belief that it was ok for him to see naked girls but not ok for his daughter to see naked boys.
When discussing this with DS (who was old enough to change in the boys section alone) I was shocked to hear that he’d had a mum in there with the same reasoning. He was about 14, and a couple of boys had asked her to leave but she wouldn’t. I’d have raised it with staff if I’d known, but DS didn’t mention it to me at the time as he was almost dressed when she came in.
People are so weird. Definitely report and ask for clearer signage.

The level of entitlement that these men have is astounding. Yes, report it every single time. They should not be in there under any circumstances.

On MN?!

Really?

No.

Adult males in the mens. They can take their young daughters in with them. After 8 the girls should either change by themselves or be accompanied by dad in a unisex disabled changing room because 8 year old girls should be able to manage this by themselves unless they have a disability.

It is inappropriate for adults to be in the wrong sex changing rooms in any circumstances.

Are you changing as well as your child? Is he changing as well as his child? If you are saying a man is changing in a room where women are also changing complain. Is there a reason he doesn't use the men's communal area, such as it's foul or their are individual men changing in there?

This

Are those same posters on this thread now saying the opposite?

Surely he should be using a cubicle in the male changing room.

Not neccessarily.

My DS aged 16 attends a swimming class each weekend for children with disabilities. The parents are required to be in the pool with the children. They have 3 of these sessions each Saturday and another 3 on Sunday. So there are up to 30 parents each session of either sec changing as well.

In addition they have a weekend session each day called a 'family fun session'. They have up to 40 children with at least one parent in the pool as a requirement.

So it is perfectly feasible that other pools are similar and adults are changing as well.

It makes a massive difference actually: because of the different sexes. Female children have as much right to sex-based protections as female adults.

Can someone explain to me why a man in a women’s changing room when children only are changing is such a threat? If these men are such a potential risk to your girls, they would be in the same changing space as your girls anyway if their dad took them swimming. Is it about teaching girls the importance of female only spaces? I’m genuinely interested to learn given that when I posted a thread on this exact topic everyone said it was fine to take my son in the men’s (which I now do). Would you prefer I take my son in the women’s and your girls see my son undressed? Thanks in advance.

it really is very simple: no men in the ladies changing.

What do women do with little boys?

So daughters go in the ladies if with dad and boys go in the men's if they are with mum?

No it’s just children not adults changing as only swimming lessons happening at that time. The male communal ones will be just children too, no idea what condition they’re in as haven’t been in there but assume they’re ok.

In reply to those making the point that it’s only children getting changed: In my experience, swim lessons are based on ability, not age, so there are sometimes older children in a beginners group. Imagine being a girl who has started puberty and is trying to get changed in the ladies room and there’s a bloke in there. Not at all appropriate!

No that’s unacceptable. Small male children can accompany mum into the ladies. Small female children can accompany dad into the men’s. But adult men cannot enter the ladies.

Straw man argument.

Grown men shouldn't be around naked girls - there will potentially be unaccompanied girls over 8 in that changing room who have not consented to the presence of a man. Some will be going through puberty.

If dad takes his under 8 girl into the male changing rooms a) he's accompanying her and making that decision b) she's under 8 and isn't at an age of being self conscious of an issue regarding privacy and dignity

Seriously I think posts are either disengeous bullshit or completely unaware of any form of safeguarding.

He should take his child to the men’s changing room, he shouldn’t be in the women’s.

My DD is a child so does child swimming lessons but going through puberty. She can change by herself in the women’s so should not have her privacy and safety invaded by adult men.

Because female children unrelated to the man don’t want a man in the room… they have a right to get changed in privacy too.

If your son is small then yes he goes into the ladies with you because he hasn’t been through puberty yet. If your son is 9-10+ he can get changed in the men’s on his own.

Yes. This.

if you are an adult taking an opposite SEX child somewhere they need to get changed, you need to think about that before you go.

Not just go waltzing into the women's (as a man). Take a robe for you child (a woman would think of that automatically...)

it's not impossible. It is very very easy

He has probably been thinking along the lines of "I'm a perfectly normal non dangerous person", not realising that his presence in a women's changing room is normalising to young girls that it's acceptable for unknown men to see you naked. The actual threat is psychological rather than physical, which I think alot of men fail to realise. Not to mention the fact that it's perfectly possible to be the dad of a daughter and still be a physical threat to other girls or get a kick out of being in that space. You as a parent have no way of knowing which type of person he is and as such, he should respect your desire to protect your daughter and use male or private changing rooms.

I would expect the management to understand this and put clear signage up saying that it is not allowed for men to take a child into the women's changing room, and to follow up by removing anyone who ignores the sign.

I would report it. If your child is young enough to need help changing then you take them into YOUR sex changing rooms. If they can change alone then they go into THEIR sex changing rooms by themselves.

The difference is that you are female and the risk is to you and your son in the men’s changing room, statistically.

I don’t agree that you should take your son in the men’s though. If he is under 8, bring him in the women’s. If he’s over 8 and can’t sort himself out, go in family changing.