Dads using female communal changing room

[Strawberrryfields]

Not sure how I feel about this so looking for opinions and whether I should do anything.

A couple of times recently I’ve been changing my child after swimming and a dad has come in to change his child in the communal female changing room. It’s after lessons so only children changing. There are communal female, communal male and a number of individual cubicles. It gets very busy at peak times so at times you may need to wait for an individual cubicle.

It feels weird to me a grown man being in there and my instinct is that he should use the private cubicles, though he is clearly there with his child helping them get ready. I also understand him not wanting to take his child into the men’s communal changing rooms with random men in there but to me, he is a random man.

Should I say something? Would you? Chances are it’s just a normal dad changing his kid but I don’t feel entirely comfortable with it but not sure if IABU?

I think this is acceptable only if all the children getting changed are very young, I.e. under 8. If there is anyone- adult or child 8+ getting changed, then no adult should be in the opposite sex changing room.

He’s taking the piss and hoping women will be afraid to report it. He’s a man. Get him out!

Put a towelling robe over them straight from pool and pop into car and home for a hot shower and change! It’s not brain surgery

I think most children can change on their own from about 6 - they manage in school.

it won't be perfect, but if parents are sensible and bring easy to wear clothes - joggers and t shirts, crocs, should be doable.

I’d draw the line if he started praying!

@MotorbikeStuntRideryes I take my son in the men’s (as do the other mums with sons) - it maybe is just ‘normal’ in our specific context (only 4-6 year olds changing, no puberty issues, private pool is for lessons only so no chance of anyone else getting changed etc). It clearly wouldn’t be appropriate in all contexts as evidenced by this thread, but it does happen (I don’t know if men take their daughters in the girls as I’ve not noticed either way).

There are women who take their sons into the same mens/boys changing room that my son goes into. He is 8. I've mixed feelings about it. I think he and other males are entitled to privacy, but at the same time I think the presence of an adult female means he is safer than if he was just in there with random men. Mixed family cubicles should be available everywhere.

They find it hard because that's not what suits them and they don't give a shit about anyone else.

It's nothing more than selfish entitlement.

My husband would never ever step foot in the women’s changing room. When he took the kids swimming he’d wait outside and my daughter would come out in an oodie or onesie or something easy. Shower and get dressed at home. Obviously that doesn’t work if you’re getting on a bus but there is always a solution that doesn’t involve going into the wrong changing room.

Exactly! His wishes, and even his daughter’s needs, do not outweigh the needs of all the women and girls in their own changing room.

Men shouldn’t be in the men’s? Why is that not on? Where else would he go?

Can you explain to me why women wanting men to obey the law is hysteria?

thanks.

Also. To women with sons.

if your son is U8, you bring him into the women’s with you.

Over 8, he goes into the males and changes alone.

or you wait for a family cubicle or if your child or you are disabled you use the disabled.

no men in the women’s. No women in the men’s. Simples.

So what happens when there's another Dad in the male changing room? I agree he should use the male ones BTW but I'm saying if men aren't allowed to be around any undressing child except their own, then the place needs to ban Dad's or provide ample solo cubicles.

And at general swim times, no children under 16 should be allowed in the men's changing regardless of sex.

He was more mature at that age than a lot of slightly older children so why not? I knew I had to let go at some point as I can't protect him forever.

He knew where I was and frankly I didn't have any choice - like dads. It's either that or he didn't learn to swim which gives circumstances I feel was a bigger risk. I made a judgement which is mine to make and crucially it didn't impact on others. This is the key bit - my decisions should not impact on other children. They are MY parenting decisions.

Tbh I generally feel at a swimming class with lots of parents around the issue is more about privacy and dignity than safety as such because it's five minutes and I'm right outside the door. It's unlikely that he was ever going to be in there alone with an adult.

Fwiw DS is really bodily conscious and hasn't been happy about getting changed in front of me from about six so it really was one of those things that was happening naturally anyway. I didn't exactly make this decision without his input. But it does show that really it's not ok for women to be in there. He HATED the female teachers going in the changing rooms for school swimming lessons but he had to tolerate it for other safeguarding reasons as he was still 8 and under (behaviour issues with other kids).

Changing rooms are about the double header of safety and privacy and dignity. Both are protected in law for good reason. People are too ready to only think about one of the two. It should be both. And your actions as a parent shouldnt be at the expense of other children.

I wouldn't want men in a room where my DDs are changing now they are old enough to change independently... which is considered to he 8ish. Definitely not now they are 13&14.. which is still a child.

Huh?

the boy children over 8 go in the men’s and the girl children over 8 go in the women’s.

Any other male is allowed in the male changing room.

why on earth wouldn’t they be?

This.

It's more tricky if there's a wide range of ages for lessons, but that going to depend on the individual lessons and pool. I have one child who goes to very busy lessons in the main pool, with all ages getting changed, there'll be 4yo and 11yo. Mixed sex individual cubicles.

My other daughter learns in a small school pool and they are all aged 6 and under, no public access. For the latter, it makes zero difference to the child which changing room they go in.

People over 8 go into the changing room that aligns with their sex.

In this particular instance of it being all children changing it doesn't really matter, but the general rule should be upheld.

Whichever way you organise it girls will have to "budge up".

So my husband can't take the kids swimming in general swimming then?

The kids were not allowed to use the changing rooms at our swimming pool for a while due to a refurb.

It was a pain in the arse but somehow everyone managed and there was no loss of anyone's dignity and privacy.

It's much better to have changing rooms available but if there aren't any suitable you can usually work around the issue....

I go back to my point about difficult parents and adults who think the whole world revolves around what they want to do just wanting to make what is a bloody simple think difficult because they are arses.

I would love to understand this man’s logic to going in the women’s. If only children are getting changed, he is not protecting his daughter from seeing naked men walking around the male changing facilities. He will be with her, so is there to protect her from any predatory men and from my experience, there was always less men than women accompanying their kids swimming, so I can’t imagine he’d have as busy a changing room as the women’s always was when I went!

There is no justification for any adult man to be in the ladies changing room.

There is also no justification for any adult woman to be in the men’s changing room.

If your child is under 8, they come into the changing room for your biological sex.

if your child is over 8, they go into the changing room for their biological sex either alone or with an adult of the same sex. If they are over 8 and unable to get themselves dressed, you take them into the disabled facilities if they are disabled, and if they aren’t you do your bloody job as a parent and teach them before taking them swimming again.

No. Your husband goes into the men’s.

men are allowed to be around undressing children in the male changing if the children are with their male parent or caregiver because they are female and are u8.

if they’re boy children either u8 or over 8 they are allowed in the men’s to change because they are male children.

men can be around undressing children in a legal sense. It’s not banned in law. Unlike adult women in the men’s or adult men in the women’s which isn’t allowed.