Dads using female communal changing room

[Strawberrryfields]

Not sure how I feel about this so looking for opinions and whether I should do anything.

A couple of times recently I’ve been changing my child after swimming and a dad has come in to change his child in the communal female changing room. It’s after lessons so only children changing. There are communal female, communal male and a number of individual cubicles. It gets very busy at peak times so at times you may need to wait for an individual cubicle.

It feels weird to me a grown man being in there and my instinct is that he should use the private cubicles, though he is clearly there with his child helping them get ready. I also understand him not wanting to take his child into the men’s communal changing rooms with random men in there but to me, he is a random man.

Should I say something? Would you? Chances are it’s just a normal dad changing his kid but I don’t feel entirely comfortable with it but not sure if IABU?

A parent and child should go into the correct sex changing room for the adult not the child.

Clearly he shouldn't be in there but it feels more like a mistake to me. He's not familiar with the pool and his daughter has just guided him in there and he's blindly followed her?

Apart from the obvious exceptions men do not routinely intentionally stroll into women's changing rooms.

EDIT: I missed the "couple of times" so not a mistake. I feel there's some missing information here.

I doubt he had any concerns for any other children changing but his own obviously.
No, he shouldn't have been there, but no need to be paranoid either.

It is possible if the only people changing are kids like op said, then he's assumed "girls go in girls" as there's no risk of him seeing any baked adult women. It may not have occurred to him that people will assume he's there just to look at their kids. In which case a polite "oh hi, you're actually meant to take the kdis according to the groups sex" #+should sort it

This.

2 DD’s here, and when me and partner used to take them to swim club we each took one child in to the change rooms to get ready, right up until they both turned 8, and then they were both in the ladies and dad was surplus to requirements.

The first time was a different man and I didn’t see he was there until we were leaving as had my back to the door.
I’ve been going there for years and it’s never happened before so did feel off but just chalked it up to a random one off. But now it’s happened again with someone different I’m concerned if this just becomes the norm. Again, other mums in there too and not sure if anyone said anything either time. I regret not saying something the first time now.

If the child is under 8 they should attend the male changing room with him. 8 and above they should be in a family room or the dad should wait outside while she changes.

my DD8 is dyspraxic so I have to do all swimming lessons as changing in and out of swimmers isn’t a quick, easy things for her

Huh?

It's also an impossible choice for any parent of any gender.
Do you make you child wait 20 min for cubicle whilst wet and cold? Take your girl into the men changing room? Take your boy into the women changing room?

I'm glad our local pools either have cubicles only or a mixed changing room. Keeps the headache and hysteria away.

When my kids were little (2 girls, 1 boy) and we went swimming, I took them to the gents changing rooms (unless their mum was there, but that didn't often happen though). It wouldn't have occurred to me to do anything but that. How strange that some blokes think it's appropriate. Of course it isn't!

That’s weird. My dad used to take me into the men’s, can’t say it did me any harm.

I’m very glad our changing rooms are unisex and all cubicles at our local pool though, DS is getting a bit old to be in the ladies with me but he’s autistic so still needs assistance and is extra vulnerable.

It was two different men. I’d not seen either of them before so maybe they could be new and not familiar with the pool but feels like common sense to me. Perhaps not though with two different men doing the same thing.

Hysteria? Over men in women’s spaces? Being a dad doesn’t change anything.

Report and report again. He should not be there.

This is a very interesting thread. I posted an almost identical thread as a mother, asking when children only are changing whether I should take my son in the men’s or the women’s, and the replies were that it didn’t really matter, and I now take him in the men’s. Interesting that the advice isn’t the same the other way around.

2 dads with daughters means each is in the room with a naked unrelated young girl.

To be honest I think all changing rooms should be sex separated and also be full cubicles.

Hi op ,

If I’m not there for swimming my husband waits outside the ladies changing room until our daughter is dressed. It would never enter his mind to enter the female changing room, these men are completely out of order.

I'm very against men in women's changing rooms, but I think this is a bit different. If all of the users of the pool are children, so the only ones getting undressed are children, then the whole thing becomes a bit academic.

No one is seeing naked men, and unless there's literally one dad and everyone else mums, then the dads are going to see each other's children naked, irrespective of their sex.

So I can see why given the only ones getting naked are the kids, he may have thought it's based on their sex, not his, in this instance.

We've had this confusion at swimming too - parents (both mums and dads) were taking their children into the changing room of the gender of their children rather than into the changing room of their own gender. The management sent out an email and it stopped.

The changing room doors in our swimming pool are very clear.

Changing rooms are for women and girls only and accompanied boys under the age of 8.

If the daughter was older than 7 she should go into the women's herself - she will change herself after PE at school so this shouldn't be an issue.

Under that age or if incapable of changing herself there is usually family changing, single cublicles or as a last resort the men's changing room.

When I had opposite issue with children of various ages/ sexes they were wrapped in towels and changed at home.

If a child is young enough to need an adult to help them change after swimming, then it’s the sex of the adult that matters.

The adult, of either sex, is the potential threat to the non-related children.

So an adult woman with a young son - women’s changing or cubicles. Adult man with young daughter, men’s changing or individual cubicle.

I don't think people have fully twigged that the only people getting changed are the kids. If we separate by parental sex:

Kids whose mum take them all get changed together irrespective of where the kids are male or female. Lots of clothed women, and kids getting changed.

Kids whose dad takes them all get changed together irrespective of whether the kids are men or female. Lots of clothed men and kids getting changed.

In this instance, it really makes no difference.

Also to add - I feel much more comfortable having my son in the male changing room now, without worrying about exposing girls to a naked boy as was happening before. My son is 5 for reference. Only children are changing in our situation (the same as for op if I’m reading it correctly).

He shouldn’t be in the men’s either. That’s not on.

The adult, of either sex, is the potential threat to the non-related children.

Agreed, but this is no different whether the kids get changed in the male room or the female one.