friend wants to borrow £1k

[Kahoots]

I have about 25k in savings and working towards buying a house. DH has near enough the same. We want to have £10k as a buffer for emergencies, so we’re looking at 400k houses (hard round here to get something we need for that!)

We have DC4 but no other dependents. We’re ok financially, not great, but we get by. Me and DH have saved for years - I was working 60 hour weeks before DC was born. We both work full time now.

My best friend who I’ve known since a child has asked to borrow some money. She’s switching jobs end of this month but hasn’t worked this month because she’s been poorly. She has just bought a car and is away next week on holiday. she said she’s got £500 to last her til February payday.

I thought she was going to ask to borrow a couple of hundred which DH was ok with. She’s just asked for £1000.

aibu to think this is quite a lot? Theoretically, I do have it to give. But I have no idea when I’ll get it back and tbh I feel pissed off that she’s just bought a new car and holiday and I’ve got to help her with essentials :(

aibu?

I wouldn't lend that amount. I am still owed £1300 from a friend, shes made little attempt to pay it back. So frustrating.

My mantra now is don't lend out any amount you're not happy to not get back.

I should have added that she asks almost every month for money, £10,20,50 in the last week of the month as she has no food. I kept lending it (she paid that back every pay day) but in the end I prewarned her I couldnt do it from the following month. She's not paid any of the original amount since then either.

Does she have a partner who is working?

Where is she going on holiday?

Bloody hell that’s outrageous. Has the £20, £50 etc added up to £1300?

Have you stopped lending?

I imagine the holiday was booked before she fell ill and the car was needed to get to work so I'd not assume that she spent all this money after she fell sick. However if she doesn't have funds set aside for a rainy day like being sick without pay, what is she doing paying for holidays? Why not get a credit card? Or ask someone else closer like family? How will she pay it back if she's gone a full month without pay and other expenses accruing in that time? If your instincts are warning you then listen to them. She'd need to pay you back at the rate of 300 a month for you to feel like you've had the money back and she'll struggle with anything like that due to being without pay. Just say post Christmas you're skint too and your savings are not accessible. No point even doing a written loan agreement with her: you'd need to go to small claims to enforce it and they'd probably order she pay it back at 10 quid a month. Friendship dead right there.

Please don’t ….i did this with my cousin who was basically my sister didn’t get a penny back and rumours spread about me to justify why she didn’t pay me back.

I probably would, a good friend as couldn’t
see them suffer. Depends how soon you need that deposit. I borrowed a close friend 12k a few years back, from my house deposit for a campervan. She was so excited about getting it and when she told me she could buy it the following year I offered her to borrow it. We did an official loan and she signed her pension to me incase anything happened. Sadly she died suddenly last year and I was so glad she had that extra year of joy. Different situation, as I knew 100% she would pay me back as she had money coming and she never asked, I offered and so glad I did. Had I needed the money, I wouldn’t.

Depends if your DH is on board too, for me it was just me alone who decided. Don’t feel pushed into. Does she have anyone else who coulf help her?

I think just put it as you did in your second post- a couple of hundred you could do but you can’t lend what she’s asked for. The ins and outs of that are none of her business and you don’t have to explain beyond what you said about current and savings accounts.

I would say it’s tied up in savings and you’ll be penalised if you take it out. Or better yet just say ‘No’ Honestly, if she buys some holiday clothes and a new handbag with it would you be fine with that? Because it seems likely it’s not just for essentials.

I’d probably say I was a bit short myself after Christmas and offer £500 to tide her over. Her employment situation is unfortunate and the holiday would be rebooked so it’s not like she’s been spending money she didn’t have. Get an agreement about paying you back though

Sorry, I dont think my post was worded well. She borrowed £1300 for a holiday she came on with us, the idea was that she was paying me each month leading up to the holiday, which she didn't. She paid the odd amount (it was more than 1300 in total) then stopped paying. Since then she has asked a few days-a week before pay day to borrow the odd £10-50 but has paid that back on pay day each time. So not adding to debt but not paying anything off either. It appears I am not the only one she owes money to.

She's my sons best friends mum so its all very awkward. She has a lot of issues and everyone is losing patience.

Sorry I forgot to answer, yes, in November I messaged her and said I couldn't do it any longer as had a debt to pay myself and was already short due to the money owed. .

Its awkward as both DH and I earn ok money but not really enough to just write off £1300 for no reason. I guess technically we could but it feels wrong to as I feel she could pay it back but due to her lifestyle prioritises other things (alcohol mainly).