friend wants to borrow £1k

[Kahoots]

I have about 25k in savings and working towards buying a house. DH has near enough the same. We want to have £10k as a buffer for emergencies, so we’re looking at 400k houses (hard round here to get something we need for that!)

We have DC4 but no other dependents. We’re ok financially, not great, but we get by. Me and DH have saved for years - I was working 60 hour weeks before DC was born. We both work full time now.

My best friend who I’ve known since a child has asked to borrow some money. She’s switching jobs end of this month but hasn’t worked this month because she’s been poorly. She has just bought a car and is away next week on holiday. she said she’s got £500 to last her til February payday.

I thought she was going to ask to borrow a couple of hundred which DH was ok with. She’s just asked for £1000.

aibu to think this is quite a lot? Theoretically, I do have it to give. But I have no idea when I’ll get it back and tbh I feel pissed off that she’s just bought a new car and holiday and I’ve got to help her with essentials :(

aibu?

To agree with a PP, if she's a good credit risk why can't she use a credit card or ask for a temporary overdraft? If she's not a good credit risk...that's for a good reason.

She needs to learn to manage her money better - if she's self-employed or otherwise in a job where she won't earn for a month if she's ill (or, presumably, on holiday) then she should have a financial buffer to cover that before she starts paying for cars and holidays. I get that the car might be needed for work but holidays aren't mandatory.

She probably just sees you as the easy option but if you lend to her how will it affect your friendship if she doesn't pay it back? Or she does in dribs and drabs while you look on in irritation as she pays for another holiday? And there's nothing to stop her turning to the Bank of You next time she needs tiding over, and the next and the next...

Just tell her it's tied up in savings accounts so the answer is no.

Also a holiday is a luxury you wouldn't even consider unless you have savings. I think she isn't telling you the whole story.

Hard no from me. My cousins like this. Skint all the time loaning money to feed to kids but then some how gets 3 holidays a year when we very much don’t. I’d either buy her literally essentials or say you can’t access the money. She’s being cheeky af

Never lend money you aren’t prepared to lose.

I would offer her 300 maximum at a push. It’s enough for an emergency buffer for anyone on a tight budget, she can ring finance company about the car payment.

You’re on MN, literally the home of some of the stingiest, tightest people I’ve ever encountered.

Only you know how your friend is with money, and if this is a rare temporary moment where she’s having cash flow issues, or if she’s irresponsible with money.

If you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it, but it’s a shame that so many people are just instantly dismissing her as a CF instead of a friend who needs a momentary hand.

Offer what you don’t mind lending then

The £1000 is clearly for spends while she's on holiday.
Don't lend it unless you're prepared to give it to her, OP. She's asking for a lot of money without giving you a good reason why she needs it. Just tell her your savings are in a 28-day-notice account so you can't lend her more than the couple of hundred quid from your own money that you were expecting her to ask for.

No,not under the circumstances you just described 🤔
She needs to learn to manage her money better

Oh grand’s a lot! And February is only at the end of next week. If you felt happy with lending her £200 and not getting it back (potentially) then just say that. Sorry can’t help you with £1000 will £200 help.

I would never ask any friends for loans. When I was young then yes my parents would sometimes help me out but I always made sure I paid them back as quickly as possible.

credit cards even for poor credit ratings should tie her over or an overdraft. If she says she can’t get them or has maxed out then she needs more help than just a short term loan.

She is counting on you to feel awkward saying no but her over spending on holidays etc is not your problem.

I can think of only a couple of friends whom I’d lend £1K to. Also the only couple of friends who’d probably never ask as they wouldn’t get themselves in that situation to start with. DH lent £15k to a friend about 15 years ago. We got the money back, but it wasn’t pleasant and the friendship ended.

Never ever under no circumstances loan any money to a friend. You will end up losing the friendship...and the money.
You don't have to justify yourself, just say, "no, I can't". Is she takes exception that means she is no good friend so time to get rid.
Good luck!

I'd say that you'd been okay when you assumed the amount would be able to come out of your current account, but that you can't access your savings as they're in a fixed 'no withdrawal without notice' account. £200 is your max.

@Kahoots I assumed from "DC4" that you have one child aged four, you don't actually have four kids do you?! That would be an even harder No if you have four dependants...

I’d feel insanely cheeky asking to borrow that much money when I’ve got a holiday booked. Yes, maybe it’s a cheap holiday that didn’t cost much, but it could still have gone towards the £1,000 she needs.

Saying no isn't as awkward as asking for the money back. And if you do it once, you might be asked again.

Do not do this under any circumstances.

Nope. It's too much and only ever lend what you can afford to never get back - because people rarely pay back in my experience.

She has her priorities wrong, car and holiday. Sounds like she wants you to lend her spending money for her holiday.

Just say ' I can't as i don't have any spare money'.

Never lend money to a friend, it will corrode your relationship (not to mention that you may never get it back).

Secondly, never lend money you can't afford to lose.

I would say something along the lines of 'I'm sorry you're in a tight spot but I value our friendship and wouldn't want money to get mixed up in that, so no, I would rather not lend you money.' or 'Sorry but I never lend to family or friends to avoid any conflict.'

Never lend what you can’t afford to lose. Offer to do her a grocery shop

How has she proposed paying it back?

My best friend found herself in a tight spot which would have led to real hardship and I offered her money. It was a gift though, I don't lend. I can afford it and importantly afford to not get it back. Thankfully it has not changed our relationship and actually she never asked me for money which is maybe why we're ok now.

Oh it's awful being put in this position by people who know you have savings. Can it be all tied up in non instant access accounts?