friend wants to borrow £1k

[Kahoots]

I have about 25k in savings and working towards buying a house. DH has near enough the same. We want to have £10k as a buffer for emergencies, so we’re looking at 400k houses (hard round here to get something we need for that!)

We have DC4 but no other dependents. We’re ok financially, not great, but we get by. Me and DH have saved for years - I was working 60 hour weeks before DC was born. We both work full time now.

My best friend who I’ve known since a child has asked to borrow some money. She’s switching jobs end of this month but hasn’t worked this month because she’s been poorly. She has just bought a car and is away next week on holiday. she said she’s got £500 to last her til February payday.

I thought she was going to ask to borrow a couple of hundred which DH was ok with. She’s just asked for £1000.

aibu to think this is quite a lot? Theoretically, I do have it to give. But I have no idea when I’ll get it back and tbh I feel pissed off that she’s just bought a new car and holiday and I’ve got to help her with essentials :(

aibu?

As soon as she asked you for money the friendship came under pressure. It’s pretty much a lose lose now

I think lending money to friends is a bad idea tbh. Especially that amount. If she struggles to pay in back in good time it will just cause resentment. I think when you lend money to a friend or family member you almost have to accept you might not get it back because it isn’t something that can be enforced really. I would say no. You have nothing to feel bad about you have your reasons for saving and have done an excellent job, it’s not sitting there as a potential loan for others. I know that sounds harsh but it’s the truth.

When I do a quick check on my banking app (usually to see if payment has gone through), I get an unprompted message alongside the statement telling me that I am eligible for a loan; nice to know, but no thanks at the moment.
The bank, whose business is wholly concerned with managing financial pros and cons, has decided that I would be a safe bet to get their money back.
Similarly, I am offered chances to take on another credit card; my track record shows that I manage the ones I already have competently.
If your friend cannot get an advance on her assured salary, I suspect that professionals whose career is financial management have decided that she is not a safe bet.
Do you know if she has even considered these options, or simply made you her first port of call because it seems easier?
If the first, you are taking on a risk which a professional would not take; if the second, is she really a good friend if she sees you as an easy touch?

Only lend it if you can afford not to see it back, and if that happens it wouldn’t sour your relationship. You could also offer her less, saying it’s all you can afford [to lose].

Maybe just say you don't have the £1k to give but you can lend her £200

You only ever lend any amount that you can afford to lose.
Ive helped out friends in the past, most paid it back super quickly but one made payments and then stopped paying back anything with still £480 to go, it was the end of the friendship as she just avoided me after she stopped paying.
Your friend didn’t have to book a holiday, if I had a friend that was literally on the bones of their arse and couldn’t afford food I would help them out but only to the extent I could afford to gift it with out the expectation of it back.

No do not do it. Say all your savings are tied up in ISAs that you can’t withdraw from. You could have maybe pulled £100 together but £1000 is too much

Haven’t read through the full thread but I would say no and suggest she speaks to her bank about a temporary overdraft. If she’s already done that and can’t get a facility then even more reason for you to say no. Your friend cannot expect you to bail her out for her poor choices. You will ruin a friendship by lending it and her not paying it back. Just say sorry I can’t and don’t enter into further discussion.

I think whatever you give to her you need to give it without the expectation of getting it back. In your position I would give her what you were expecting to give her - a couple of hundred quid. Tell her it is a gift, you don’t need it paying back, but you are not in a financial position to give/lend her anymore.

Not RTFT but in my experience you'll be giving the money away.

Usually would say a hard no. But you could offer to loan (not give) the £200 you thought she would ask for and say you can't afford more. I don't think you need to lie about this as it is the truth. Make sure you have it in writing that it is a loan and agree repayment terms e.g. £100 in Feb and £100 in March.

Have a look at the MoneySavingExpert advice on lending money to friends.

It says until February payday. My Feb payday is Friday 29th February don't know when hers is but it's not going to be the end of January is it?

Where is her family? I have been very skint before. But never thought to borrow from family let alone friends. Her isuye is not money, it's lack of planning.

Lending money to friends is the fastest way to lose them.
Say you don't have it, but you could offer £100 if that helps, but you would need it back straight after Feb pay day - if you really feel sorry for her.

I think, with friends, you need to be prepared in your mind, to give the money & never see it again.

And with this friend in particular, she seems rather financially disorganised. She buys a car, goes on holiday and has only worked half the month? I doubt you'd ever see it again. Going on holiday & buying a new car are discretionary spends, not essential. That's an indication of her priorities.

I wouldn’t, maybe a couple of hundred, but no way a grand, unlikely you would get it back and if she can afford a car and holiday by choice then that’s her problem if she is now skint.

No. Realistically she almost certainly won't pay it back quickly and so you'll end up resenting her and possibly create conflict between you and your husband. She is an adult and has chosen a car and holiday over creating a financial buffer for herself.

I'd offer £100 and say the rest is in an ISA or tied up somehow. That way you are not dismissing her plea, but are looking out for yourself and YOUR family.

She could always cancel the cheque Holiday couldn't she?

Don't lend.say if she's struggling she's always welcome to pop in for a meal.

Don’t do it!
esp if your spidey senses are saying not to.
I was one of the suckers who lent a best friend money (use of a 0% credit card) for her wedding, where I was her bridesmaid - less than 2 months after getting married, and during the days she supported me through a crown court case where I was the victim, she maxed out the card for £7500, cut all communication and never gave the funds back.

Her family all found out - her mum said she’d done this before, her husband left her for it and yet she still works with children as pastoral care 🤯

How she lives with herself I have no idea. But all I’ll say is please don’t do it!

Absolutely not. No.

You would never see that money again, and she would probably end up asking you for even more before too long.

I only ever lend money I am prepared never to get back. So I have only done it once in my life.

Why can't your friend ask her bank or get a credit card?

She doesn't need a holiday or a new car. What she does need is money to actually live on until payday. Surely she's entitled to sick pay this month and if she isn't she should have applied for universal credit for the month she's earned nothing. Clearly you're uncomfortable lending her this money shes asked for otherwise you'd not have posted on here seeking validation for not lending it to her. You're allowed to say no you're not obliged to subsidise her inability to budget properly

£1000 is a significant sum to many people.
Will she realistically be able to pay it back any time soon?
I’d assume that if she’s going to be short of money until she gets paid at the end of February she’s going to have other debts which need also need to be paid then.
I wouldn’t lend that sort of amount.

I have bailed out friends in the past and no doubt will do so again but in this case it would be a no.

A new car may have been a necessity but not the holiday