friend wants to borrow £1k

[Kahoots]

I have about 25k in savings and working towards buying a house. DH has near enough the same. We want to have £10k as a buffer for emergencies, so we’re looking at 400k houses (hard round here to get something we need for that!)

We have DC4 but no other dependents. We’re ok financially, not great, but we get by. Me and DH have saved for years - I was working 60 hour weeks before DC was born. We both work full time now.

My best friend who I’ve known since a child has asked to borrow some money. She’s switching jobs end of this month but hasn’t worked this month because she’s been poorly. She has just bought a car and is away next week on holiday. she said she’s got £500 to last her til February payday.

I thought she was going to ask to borrow a couple of hundred which DH was ok with. She’s just asked for £1000.

aibu to think this is quite a lot? Theoretically, I do have it to give. But I have no idea when I’ll get it back and tbh I feel pissed off that she’s just bought a new car and holiday and I’ve got to help her with essentials :(

aibu?

Tricky situation OP but when I have had to borrow money from a close friend in the past, it was for food shopping and nappies. A car or holiday was a distant dream. Those days are over, thankfully. I moved home last year and believe me, it is an extremely costly process. That £1000 will make a significant difference.
If she is able to commit to a repayment plan of £250pcm ( as an example), you may consider but would need to be assured of her commitment.

If you loan her money, it will likely end your friendship and you won't see that money again if she hasn't discussed how exactly she would repay you.

You have a child and responsibilities.

She just bought a car and is going on a holiday. If she didn't have the money, she shouldn't be doing either. It seems like her spending is out of control.

Tell her to go get a personal loan at the bank.

Family member recently asked DH for a larger loan to do some work on their house.
He suggested they go to the bank. ‘ But they charge interest’ was the response.

No comprehension that we would lose out interest on our (retirement) savings.

Anyway, it was a firm no. Emergency funding for food / utilities, maybe. Non-essential - no way.

She has just bought a car and is away next week on holiday. she said she’s got £500 to last her til February payday.

She doesn’t need money, she has money somewhere. She can use her overdraft.

Don’t fall for it, say no. She is most likely hoping you won’t ask for it back.

Did she buy the car on finance? I had got a new car early december, but all of it was financed so I didn't pay anything upfront.

I would for some of my friends. I have a few friends I have borrowed from and they have borrowed from me

I have friends that I would not lend money to and would never ask (and they would never offer)

Its really hard to answer unless you know your friend well

I said I wouldn't in the OP's position so I'm not quite sure why you felt the need to say all of that to me 😅

Only borrow the amount you’re ready to loose. Sounds like £1k is too much for you, I’d offer less and make sure she commits to a date when she’ll repay it.

If your husband told you his best mate wanted to borrow 1K, what would you say to him, providing he told you?

No…
I went through a very bad financial patch, absolutely skint. My friend was upset that she didn’t have the money for a night out we’d planned. I felt bad for her as I too was skint and it was shit. So in a moment of madness and to help cheer my friend up I offered to put the drinks on my credit card.
at the end of the night she thanked me. It was rubbish having to use her last money to max out her ISA!!! From then on I’ve always questioned everybody’s definition of skint and whether they have chosen to be there.
Your friend chose to buy a car and book a holiday with not enough of an emergency fund to cover her employment gap.
It may sound heartless but you made your money choices and she made hers.

Only lend the amount you're prepared to lose.
At best, you'll need to ask for it back. You probably not get it.

You can borrow what people are willing to lend you.

I'd be cautious as I've heard too many stories about money ruining relationships.
I think she's chancing it as she knows you have savings (I could be wrong?) I'd probably offer to lend a few hundred if she was my best friend to help out, but I'd feel uncomfortable with £1000. Never lend unless you're comfortable with not getting it back.

Agree 👍

So just as pointless as your original post then?

Do not lend her the money. I’m staggered she asked you - I can’t imagine any circumstances in which I would ask a friend to tide me over to the next pay day. It’s a horrible position to put someone in.

No, just no. Don't do it OP. Tell her your savings aer in a fixed rate account and you can't make withdrawals.

Even if it is at the end of Feb its still too much to ask of a friend

Everyone is saying it's likely spending money for her holiday but it's more likely she will have a gap in pay if she's starting a new job, I had something similar when I changed jobs, if she has bills to pay £500 won't get her far.
Personally I would do it on the proviso she breaks down how and when she will pay it back, especially as she is such an old friend

I agree with this but there's always that sense of entitlement and resentment that you expect them to actually pay it back.
Quickest way to ruin a friendship imho

Its not tight and stingy to keep your money to yourself.
The only person who knows how much we have in savings is my DH

Surely she should have planned for that?

This doesn't end well no matter how close the friend is.

100% this! When I was doing a post grad and skint most of my housemates were qualified and working full time - one guy who worked in a good IT job always said he was skint, always argued about paying shares of bills or buying loo roll, had to be convinced to leave the house as he had no money. On Fridays when we would often get drinks and take aways he would plead poverty, when we went to the pub he would plead poverty so we all funded him, including me when I had no income. Then someone rear ended his car and despite admitting fault at the time disputed what happened so it had to go to court which took years to sort, he was pissed cause he had to dip into his savings to buy a brand new car for circa £20k! We were shocked and asked him why he was scabbing off us all year and saying he was broke when he had huge savings, he said he is broke because most of his pay goes into savings on the day he gets paid so he is in fact broke. He was quite affronted that we challenged him on it! Literally every month he was saying he couldn’t afford to eat, go out the door or buy a roll of toilet paper. People have vastly different definitions of “broke”. I suspect your friend with her new car and holiday is eating out and rounds of drinks broke!

Just some context

she’s been off work due to work place stress, and starting a new job in Jan. she will only get SSP this month, so not a lot.

She says she has £10 in the bank, plus the £500 ish and a 1000 overdraft. I think her rent is £795, plus some bills on top of that - probably up to £1100. Then she has £400 for the rest of the month up to Feb payday.

I think that’s enough! Yes it will be a bit tight, as in she’ll be paying for petrol etc for the car… but she’s not exactly skint in my definition of the word.

I was going to lend her £200 just so I knew she wasn’t struggling. But the fact she’s asked for £1000 has upset me tbh.

She is basically looking to you for holiday spending money and is taking the mickey. If she is that short she won't be in a position to pay you back for ages (if at all).

Whilst it is sad she is off with stress it isn't your problem. You have your kids and husband to look out for.

How is she affording the holiday OP? Surely she’ll need spending money for that even if it’s been paid off!