friend wants to borrow £1k

[Kahoots]

I have about 25k in savings and working towards buying a house. DH has near enough the same. We want to have £10k as a buffer for emergencies, so we’re looking at 400k houses (hard round here to get something we need for that!)

We have DC4 but no other dependents. We’re ok financially, not great, but we get by. Me and DH have saved for years - I was working 60 hour weeks before DC was born. We both work full time now.

My best friend who I’ve known since a child has asked to borrow some money. She’s switching jobs end of this month but hasn’t worked this month because she’s been poorly. She has just bought a car and is away next week on holiday. she said she’s got £500 to last her til February payday.

I thought she was going to ask to borrow a couple of hundred which DH was ok with. She’s just asked for £1000.

aibu to think this is quite a lot? Theoretically, I do have it to give. But I have no idea when I’ll get it back and tbh I feel pissed off that she’s just bought a new car and holiday and I’ve got to help her with essentials :(

aibu?

But if you are both saving hard to buy a house, how can you possibly give her 1k. You don’t have it to give her. Every spare penny goes to your house budget and has to work hard for interest.

Tell her that you can spare her two hundred from your current account providing she promises to pay it back straight from her next pay check. But you can’t touch your savings account.

No doubt she wants 1k spends for her holiday. She is a reckless spender OP, if that’s the case.
You would be crazy to lend her money from your hard earned savings.

Absolutely not. She just bought a new car and is going on holiday? shows her priorities doesn't it?

Your "friend" is taking the absolute piss and she knows it. You would be an absolute mug to take money from your savings which is to buy a house to give to her to cover a holiday and a car.

I can't even believe you're considering this. I can guarantee you if you do lend her money it wont be the last of it, every month there will be requests for more whilst you notice her out shopping for stuff she doesn't need.

I wouldn't in the OP's position,

but I don't think it's true that it never ends well

My friend lent me £500 a few years ago, I paid her back when I said I would and we still spend time together weekly to this day 😅

Lie. Say all your savings are in an account that you can't access and that you don't have the funds in your current account.
If she pressures you - then she is not your friend.

Absolutely not, not unless you genuinely wouldn’t mind never getting it back.
cheek of her to ask if she’s just been on holiday!

First two paragraphs of this.

Sounds like a recipe for disaster. I’d suggest sending her a link to a quick credit card provider. All your money is earmarked for the house.

I don’t see how doing a food shop for her helps and I fear offering to do that might offend her even more than a straight no.

Nope. Don't lend her a penny. You won't see it again.

The fact she's switching jobs at the end of the month but hasn't worked this month because she's ill (what's all that about? Does she not get sick pay?) and at the same time buys a new car and goes on holiday shows she is very poor at money management and won't be able to pay 1K back.
Now I know she can't help being ill but surely there's sick pay. And maybe the car died and she needed a new one and probably the holiday was booked last year or something, and that sometimes it all comes at the wrong time, but still, it just shows she's reckless with money.

You do have it to give, but could you (would you) afford to give it away to her for free? If not then don’t lend it.

Only lend what you’re willing to lose.
There is a reason she doesn’t have a credit card which is perfect for this type of short term spending. She could use it to fund her daily living costs & the bill won’t come in until after she’s been paid. Or, she could organise a bank loan to see her through the next month or so. There’s a reason she’s not considering any of these perfectly viable options. Whether that’s because her credit score isn’t good enough, or her debt is already maxed out, I guess you probably won’t ever find out.

Lend it to her, but be prepared to lose the friendship. Think about having to remind her about it. The excuses she will possibly have not to. The awkwardness.
Now imagine just saying "sorry, I don't have it spare, January is such a tough month".

When did you last have a holiday or a new car, OP? I'm guessing not for a while since you are saving hard for a house.

Wish I had a nice holiday booked.

No way. She can get an interest free credit card and put her day-to-day spending on that until she gets paid at end of Feb. If she’s wiped out all her cash buying the car then she can take out a small loan as well as or instead of credit card - interest on loan won’t be much if she pays it back quickly (and if she can’t pay it back quickly then how quickly do you really want to lend it cos you may not see money for some time if she says she can’t pay back a small bank loan!)

Really if the car used all her cash for living expenses then she should have taken a small loan out for the car instead. And if she says she can’t get a loan / credit card then definitely don’t lend her money - you will never see it again.

Fair enough but in the context of about to go on holiday?

The friend either has spending money for the trip (in which case she probably shouldn’t go if she needs to borrow money)
or she is angling for some holiday spending money (in which case she probably shouldn’t go if she needs to borrow money).

Either way, she is putting her friend (OP) in a difficult position and OP has already feels a bit put out given friend has bought a car and is about to go on holiday, so the resentment is already there.

If it is one-off, she could use a credit card to cover the £1000.

When is her February payday? I should have thought she could pay any bills with the £500 and use her credit card for food.

Can you afford to give her the money as a gift? No? Unless you can don’t lend the money- it will get unpleasant very quickly if she can’t/wont repay it, your friendship won’t survive either.

If you want to, lend —give— her a couple of hundred, the rest of your savings are in a locked high interest savings account, aren’t they?

So her to do list was:

1. Buy car
2. Go on holiday
3. Ponce money off friend

As everybody has said, no no no.

I would give my bestie £1k if I had it and she needed it. Would I lend it to her? Absolutely not.

Though to be fair, in the circs you describe, I would not really be describing it as "she needs it." As others have said: help with a food shop or similar.

I would be concerned if she can't get it from anywhere else (parents, bank loan) and would indicate that she is not to be trusted with money.

@Namechangwbillionthtime 'I don't think it's true that it never ends well'
Fair enough, but it's true most of the time.

OP, your friend is crazy - asking to borrow money is the quickest way ever to end a friendship. Do not under any circumstances lend this person more money than you can afford to lose. If you feel the friendship is worth a couple of hundred quid, then let her have it, but be under no illusion that there will always be some “very good reason” why she can’t return it and that “if you were a true friend, you’d understand.” Quite clearly, your friend has no sense of priorities if she is paying for a holiday yet needing money for essentials. I wouldn’t let a friend starve, but I’d certainly not be funding their extravagant lifestyle at the expense of my own family’s well-being. Any normal person would go to the bank first, then family, if they were in need of money. Just be very careful - and don’t fall out with your DH over it: it’s simply not worth it. It is OK to say no.

Only lend what you can afford to not get back…. Also think how it will affect your friendship if you have to chase for money that she owes you. Also you need that 1k for a deposit for a house, perhaps she should have thought of he priorities in the same way before buying a car and Holiday

Say no. She has a real cheek to be honest.

She needs to cancel her holiday if she can't afford to go and take the car back.

Or, https://www.findyourcreditunion.co.uk/

I'm one of the few who voted YABU, not because I think you must lend her the money, but because I believe in the circumstances you've described, I would lend it.

This is your close childhood friend who normally works & pays her own way but is struggling this month due to her job change. In reaching this view, I'm assuming however that the holiday was long pre-booked and not booked very recently when she knew it would leave her short. I'm assuming similar re her car, ie that she was committed to buying it because of her new job. If that's not the case, I'd probably change my view.

You could offer a sum you feel more comfortable lending if £1k is definitely beyond the pale.

You say you don't know when she'll pay it back. You could ask her what her repayment plan is, or suggest one to her before you agree to lend her the cash. You know she's got a new job so presumably she'll be able to start repaying you as soon as she gets her first salary?

Like I said, and as every other poster is also saying, I do agree that you don't ever have to lend anyone anything, but I believe in these particular circumstances, I would lend it.

Eta for typos and clarity

No.

She has just bought a car and is away next week on holiday. she said she’s got £500 to last her til February payday.

Her choice, her poor planning.

IME this gets worse once you have lent the money. Think how you will feel when she owes you, hasn’t paid you back, but has bought another car, booked another holiday.

I have been there. I didn’t want to be enmeshed with their choices. I didn’t want them to be indebted to me. I didn’t want to feel like a mug or be helpless in getting the money back.

Don’t do it, it ruins relationships.

Don't do it - I've read too many horror stories on here of BFFs becoming surprisingly uncontactable once they owe you money.
£1000 is a lot of money and you risk not seeing it (or her!) ever again. She's not going to be able to pay it back at the end of February - "something else" will come up.
Offer her the £200 if you feel bad, and if you can afford to lose it. But if you think you feel bad now, imagine how bad you'd feel if you never got £1000 back, and your BFF starts avoiding you bc she owes you £1000...