friend wants to borrow £1k

[Kahoots]

I have about 25k in savings and working towards buying a house. DH has near enough the same. We want to have £10k as a buffer for emergencies, so we’re looking at 400k houses (hard round here to get something we need for that!)

We have DC4 but no other dependents. We’re ok financially, not great, but we get by. Me and DH have saved for years - I was working 60 hour weeks before DC was born. We both work full time now.

My best friend who I’ve known since a child has asked to borrow some money. She’s switching jobs end of this month but hasn’t worked this month because she’s been poorly. She has just bought a car and is away next week on holiday. she said she’s got £500 to last her til February payday.

I thought she was going to ask to borrow a couple of hundred which DH was ok with. She’s just asked for £1000.

aibu to think this is quite a lot? Theoretically, I do have it to give. But I have no idea when I’ll get it back and tbh I feel pissed off that she’s just bought a new car and holiday and I’ve got to help her with essentials :(

aibu?

Absolutely not. She’s buying cars and going on holidays, she’s cheeky af asking to borrow a grand. How’s she going to afford to spend money on holiday

Im assuming her holiday was booked before circumstances changed? Did she need a new car because her last one was broken?

If so - if she truly is your best friend in the world I'd lend it to her - no question. I feel those who genuinely wouldn't lend their best mate £1000 when they had over £40k are not their best mate.

If my best friend needed £1k and I had it then yes I would lend it to them. I'd ask when they were paying it back and be clear I needed it back. I also wouldn't get into the habit of lending regularly but as a one off I would.

I also wouldn't be arsey about the car and holiday. Not very best friend like.

That being said, as others have pointed out you are under no obligation to lend to her

Absolutely not.
”Never a borrower nor a lender be”.

Plus she’s taking the piss.
Why should you subsidise her, albeit “apparently” short-term, when you’ve worked hard to save and she can’t manage her budgeting. A car and holiday doesn’t sound essential if she hasn’t really got the money…

Say no. Why is she buying a new car and booking a holiday if she has no emergency savings to fall back on?

Look, if she’s an ok credit risk and a responsible borrower then she can get a credit card or temporary overdraft like everybody else does.

If she doesn’t have a good enough credit rating to do those things then obviously she’s irresponsible with money and you would probably never get it back.

Tell her that you can’t lend her that much, as all your money is tied up in a savings account, you’d have to give notice to take any out and by then she’ll be back in work anyway.

If you think she really can’t pay for essentials then I would offer to do an online shop for her but put in writing (text message is fine) that you can only afford to lend her the money and she’d need to pay you back by x date. That way if she doesn’t you’ll have some recourse.

FWIW we lent £2k to a very close friend a few years ago, and have pretty much given up on both the money and friendship now. Money often destroys friendships, so it’s a real risk.

Do not lend her anything. Lending money ruins friendships. Just say you can't it's tied up in an isa and you have made the maximum withdrawals on it for this year

I’d never lend money to friends and none have ever asked- it’s a really weird question imo.

just say no. Don’t justify our expenses or savings as you have here. Also don’t get into the mindset of questioning why she made the decisions she did. That’s none of your business and is judgemental. Just a no but I love you response

If you dont want to do a straight no then how about.

"Hey. I can afford to help you out to the tune of a couple hundred quid for groceries etc but I can't access my savings as it's all tied up so I'm afraid there's no way I can lend you that kind of sum. Sorry"

How on earth does she know you have any savings to lend? I can’t imagine having that sort of conversation with my friends. It’s nobody’s business.

This is the reason you shouldn't share with people how much money you have.

Because some "friends" will always be tapping you up.

Because then when they ask for a loan it's difficult to come up with a plausible excuse as to why not.

You might be able to say something like, that's not possible because all the money is locked away in high interest accounts and cannot be removed.

But I am guessing that if she is CF enough to ask for a loan, she is CF enough to get pissed off when you turn her down.

what happens if you offer her the £200 you thought she was going to ask for, and say it's all you can manage at the moment? So supportive but not more than you are comfortable with...

The only time I loaned anyone any money was when I knew I could afford for the person to not pay me back.

I understand that it's your friend but money can always be problematic and I don't think dipping into your savings is wise.
A friend of mine has recently hit a similar financial issue but didn't ask me for money - they have taken out a loan with a set repayment plan.

I wouldn't lend it to her, as others have said you likely wont get it back and also £500 to last till Feb is plenty! We only have just over a week of January left! Thats plenty to get food shopping with! And if its for bills she should have paid them before buying a car and holiday and will just have to pay them late.

I have only ever heard of friends asking each other for money on here.

It would be a hard no for me.

The only people I would be giving money to is my children. If she is so desperately in need, she must go to her family.

Don't do it OP.

I think this is what I'd do. No way would I lend 1k to anyone.
Offer her what you feel comfortable with, without touching your savings. She should be grateful for anything, if she isn't then she's not your best friend.

No I wouldn't. You could white lie that it's all tied up and not accessible currently. If you want to be really nice you could offer the £200. She should be able to arrange an overdraft or something if she needs more.

I don’t have 1k to lend, but for my absolute BFFs I might offer £200- 300. I would tell them it was a loan but I wouldn’t expect to see it again and I would make my peace with that. Also, if they didn’t pay it back, I wouldn’t give again.

It’s ok to say no, it’s ok to say your savings are tied up but you can lend her £200 from your current account. Say over text ‘it’s fine to pay back at £50 a month for next 4 months’.

that way you have a record.

Or maybe the 1k she wants to borrow is for holiday spending money ...

Her financially bad decisions aren't yours to fix. Tell her you don't have that amount to hand.

A good friend wouldn't put you in this position. Why can't she ask family, use a credit card, get a bank loan or overdraft? Sell unwanted items on Ebay etc?

Sorry hun, it's in a Lisa.

Just say no
if you lend it to her you won’t get it back and you will lose a friend this is pretty much guaranteed

tell her your money is locked in an ISA and you can’t take it out without losing interest and you have to give 1 -2 months notice

If she can’t or won’t get a bank loan then why should you loan her money.

Just because you ‘have’ the money doesn’t mean you want to give it to anyone else.

OP I don't know why so many people are telling you to lie. Lyings wrong!

It's perfectly acceptable to tell the truth. "I don't have £1k to lend out, I'm sorry". "I do have a house deposit, but obviously that's a house deposit."