friend wants to borrow £1k

[Kahoots]

I have about 25k in savings and working towards buying a house. DH has near enough the same. We want to have £10k as a buffer for emergencies, so we’re looking at 400k houses (hard round here to get something we need for that!)

We have DC4 but no other dependents. We’re ok financially, not great, but we get by. Me and DH have saved for years - I was working 60 hour weeks before DC was born. We both work full time now.

My best friend who I’ve known since a child has asked to borrow some money. She’s switching jobs end of this month but hasn’t worked this month because she’s been poorly. She has just bought a car and is away next week on holiday. she said she’s got £500 to last her til February payday.

I thought she was going to ask to borrow a couple of hundred which DH was ok with. She’s just asked for £1000.

aibu to think this is quite a lot? Theoretically, I do have it to give. But I have no idea when I’ll get it back and tbh I feel pissed off that she’s just bought a new car and holiday and I’ve got to help her with essentials :(

aibu?

Definitely not. She is a cheeky thing if she has just bought a car and a holiday. She needs to use a credit card in the short term for groceries if she has messed up her finances.

You sound very kind.However as an old Uncle used to say"If you lend any money prepare to think of it as a gift" in other words it wont come back!I think shes a bit of a CF anyway .Holidays and new cars and needs to borrow cash!

Listen to your gut.

If you lend it you will feel resentment which will destroy your friendship over time.

If you say No - no excuses or explanations or justification - just No that doesn’t work for me - it will be momentary guilt which will fade and she will find a way and long term your relationship will survive don’t get stuck in FOG fear obligation and guilt to give in.

Stand strong. Send the text right now - get it done and burst the bubble. You are doing the right thing for her (to learn) and for your friendship - but most importantly for YOU for your gut your values your priorities. Don’t waver.

Does she know how much you have in savings?

A flat no,no convoluted explanations.
Mn is littered with borrowed money never being paid back.
The excuses start,bill to pay,boilers bust,the kids need etc

Read the title and the answer was no way even before I read the rest.
I never have and never will lend money to anyone even family, wouldn't borrow from them either. I would help them find ways around the problem but not with my savings. Heard too many horror stories from people I know, read about been told about.
"It's family though isn't it? You've got to say yes" Actually no you don't what happens when the borrower decides they want more or aren't going to pay you back?

She's got £500 until the end of the month - that's more than I have! She'll be fine. Don't lend it to her.

I would tell her that. You can lend £200 from your current account but savings are tied up and can’t be accessed quickly, plus you would lose interest.

You'd be mad. You're not a lending bank. In most cases - especially when there is no plan explicit for how you will be paid back, and often when there is an agreed plan - lenders do not get repaid by their very good friends.

Tell her you haven't got it, it's all in a term deposit. If she wants a loan she can apply for one from an actual bank.

Interesting. I feel that those who tap their mates for money when they know they have savings (that they've worked for) are vultures not good friends.

And how much is she going to spend on holiday? You don’t have 1000 spare. Say you’re welcome to eat at ours for a couple of weeks and I’ll send you off with a packed lunch but I don’t have 1k spare, I have 4 dc. I had no idea you were going to ask for that much, shouldn’t you cancel your holiday?

If she can afford a new car and a holiday she is not broke, just not great at managing money flow. She may pay it back this time but she will ask again and again and start to become resentful at having to pay it back when you are ‘rich’ (willing to scrimp and budget to ensure you have savings) whilst she is ‘poor’ (good at spaffing money on luxuries and bad at saving for a rainy day).

Learn from those of us who have been burned and don’t do it!

Don't lend her the money. She can use a credit card to bridge the gap until February pay.

If she is that hard up, cancel the holiday or sell the car.

Does she have a history of borrowing and what is her family setup?

A new car and a holiday is discretionary spending; she didn't have to spend that money - and you don't have to support her choices.

One of the reasons people get into debt is impatience and the want (not need) to have it all now. It's easy to flash a credit card or ask someone for a loan without any real thought or plan about repayment.

"No" will save you a lot of future grief and possible unpleasantness.

No. She might have booked the holiday previously but she should be putting money away as a safety net against hard times like these. So if she doesn't have a safety net of savings, she shouldn't be booking holidays.

Tell her you can't as your savings are against a rainy day for you and you can't access them quickly. Or just keep saying "No, sorry".

A hard no

Its a kindness not to, your friend needs to learn how to prioritise re car and holiday and budget accordingly and if able to have an emergency fund.

I think the only circumstances I’d give money to a friend is if they were in immediate danger

Don’t give it to her. She’s going on holiday ? She can get an overdraft .

Big no from me

Stop talking about money full stop and say no to her. We did not need to know your finances in order to tell you to say no.

I'd say no - that's a lot of money to us and we don't have it to lend.

You don't have to over explain that you are saving for a house or anything else - just say no.

I'd only lend that to certain family members - really only kids and then it would have to be money we could write off - which with house saving and 4 kids I'd bet you can't.

She's looking for spending money for her holiday!

It would be a 'no' from me. If she has no 'buffer' she will never be able to pay you back. Anyway, unfortunately your savings are all tied up in 60 day notice accounts.

Just don't do it. That money is for you, your DH and your 4 DC not your friend.

A simple "I can't sorry" will suffice.

I agree it is cheeky and bad planning to ask for a whole 1k tbh, especially with the car and the holiday. This would indicate to me that she is buying things that she can’t afford and doesn’t have savings for. So i would be doubtful she would pay you back properly.

I have been on the other end where I asked to borrow money from my best friend at uni to pay my rent, as it was due 2 weeks before my student loan came in. But it was only £200 and i could give her an exact date in 2 weeks when i could pay her back, which i did in full. And i learnt to budget better.

If you feel inclined to do so because she is your best friend, offer £200 at the most but only if you can agree when she will give it back to you and only if you feel confident she will actually repay it.

advise her to ask her bank for overdraft ,it’s always good to have a buffer. If they say, definitely do not lend ( either way) as she’s a risk.
or she could apply for a credit card ( additional one if already has) and then cut it up once this period is over.
definitely do not lend friends cash.

Exactly me too, I bet its more than a lot of people have!