friend wants to borrow £1k

[Kahoots]

I have about 25k in savings and working towards buying a house. DH has near enough the same. We want to have £10k as a buffer for emergencies, so we’re looking at 400k houses (hard round here to get something we need for that!)

We have DC4 but no other dependents. We’re ok financially, not great, but we get by. Me and DH have saved for years - I was working 60 hour weeks before DC was born. We both work full time now.

My best friend who I’ve known since a child has asked to borrow some money. She’s switching jobs end of this month but hasn’t worked this month because she’s been poorly. She has just bought a car and is away next week on holiday. she said she’s got £500 to last her til February payday.

I thought she was going to ask to borrow a couple of hundred which DH was ok with. She’s just asked for £1000.

aibu to think this is quite a lot? Theoretically, I do have it to give. But I have no idea when I’ll get it back and tbh I feel pissed off that she’s just bought a new car and holiday and I’ve got to help her with essentials :(

aibu?

Money lend.
To a friend,
Lose them both,
In the end

if she's going on holiday, she's fine - what a cheek!

How happy would you be to not get the money back?
How not getting the money back affect your friendship?
How would not getting the money back affect your relationship with husband.

Absolutely no way. Everyone knows someone who had a friendship ruined because of a loan. Why the fuck is she going on holiday if she has no money? If you feel comfortable lending a couple of hundred then do that, on the basis you can afford to lose it if she doesn't pay you back. Tell her that everything else is tied up for the house move and any significant money transfers will be questioned by mortgage lenders and will affect your mortgage

I would probably lend the couple of hundred if you can afford to do so (and be prepared to not get it back for a bit).

I've lent my bestie money. It is being paid back, but I did it on the basis that I was OK not getting it back. Our friendship is more important to me and I couldn't not help her when I had the money just sitting there.

Its a really simple NO.

She needs to tap up her overdraft
Get a credit card
And / or get on vinted.

You say you dont have thst cash available its tied up and cant be accessed.

You can do a food shop and she can gove you £100 back next month.

There is no way id be buying new cars and going on hols. Where is she getting spending money from?
She also has no means / plan on how to repay that money

You will never see it again and you will resent it.

Not a chance.

I wouldn't lend anyone money nor would I ask anyone to lend it to me.

I once saw an interview with a lottery winner who said that when you win, people in your life think they won too and that it's entirely appropriate to ask you for money and that when you do give, even if you lend or even give thousands, they'll quickly come back for more simply because you have it and they don't so think you should continue 'helping them out'.

I think that applies to any situation where people think you have 'disposable income or savings' when they don't.

You've got it so why wouldn't you share your good fortune with them and help them out?

Then you'll find they're not really wanting to pay it back and they think you don't really need it so why are you being so weird about it?

But you don’t have the money spare, though. It’s being held in a savings account temporarily for a house deposit. This isn’t your holiday money we’re talking about here—it’s for your property purchase. It’s not her business how much you and DH have saved up—she is not your financial responsibility.

If you loan her this money, I guarantee she will be back for more next month. The kindest thing you can do for her is to not give her the money and to signpost her to budgeting websites—Martin Lewis, The Budget Mom, or YNAB, for example. They all say that you need to have an emergency fund for these instances, and it is clear that your friend doesn’t have one. She needs guidance and a plan.

I’d only loan her the amount I could afford to gift her, because you are highly unlikely to get any of it back, and likely to be asked for more. She doesn’t have the right to be chipping away at your house deposit, in my opinion.

It doesn't matter if she's your best friend.

You don't have the money to lose. If you ever lend money you never loan more than you can afford to lose.

Her bad financial planning isn't for you to bail out.

Her priority is her holiday spending money, not the car. If she can't afford to fund herself for the month, she shouldn't go on holiday. She should just write off the holiday and stay home.

Its not ok.

If she can't manage her money and needs £1000, she can't manage her money to afford to pay you back.

She'd rather burn you and your friendship than sort her own shit out.

Nope, don’t lend it. This is a problem of her own making by not being careful enough with money. (You shouldn’t go on holiday and buy a new car if you’re going to be left £1k short to cover essentials because of not working just for a few weeks). Just say sorry it’s not possible, no explanation needed.

She needs £1500 (her £500 and your £1000) to last her until Feb pay day? Even if at end of the month that’s only a month away. If she’s left herself short for essential bills because she’s bought a car and a holiday, that’s goes to show how well she prioritises paying those owed over her own frivolities and I would not want to become owed money by her.

I clicked YABU meaning YABU to lend her it.

Do not give her anything. You’ll never see it again

Are all the bills paid? I've got about £500 to last until February pay day but all of my major bills are paid and everything is in hand.

I don't think a real friend would ask them to lend you a grand to be honest (at least not in this sort of circumstance). I can't imagine ever doing so.

I also find these kind of situations can really affect friendships, I've started to try and avoid even things like paying for tickets upfront for certain friends who are rubbish about paying back, as I find it so awkward to keep having to ask for it back and then resentment can start to creep in.

Assuming the car was necessary and she hasn't bought something mega expensive and the holiday was pre booked and paid for, I would offer the £200 or the few hundred that you thought she was going to ask for and you and your husband were happy with tell her that's what you can spare.

Unlike a lot of people on here i've never lent money to a friend and not had it back. However I do always consider if the worst came to the worst and I didn't get it back can I live with that outcome?

I’ve recently lost my job. Fortunately I’ve got another starting in a couple of weeks.

But it means this month I have had £300 for everything.
UC works out your payment from the month before and so I’m only entitled to £300 for the entire month.

I am a single parent and could really do with a bit of extra money than normal to get an outfit for my new job.

But no way would I ask to borrow such an extortionate amount.
I have been using my credit card and if I desperately needed to borrow money it would not be more than £100.

I am assuming payday is at the end of the month?
How is she struggling when she’s got £500 and only a couple of weeks to go - this is more than most people have for the entire month after bills.

Is she wanting to borrow money for bills or luxuries?
If she’s needing to pay her rent out of it then £500 isn’t loads but if she’s paid her bills then she’s being even more of a CF!

Isn't it annoying that the borrower finds it so easy to ask a friend for such a thing, but the lender often feels terribly awkward about asking for it back if it's not paid.

I think that's what CFs rely on a lot.

Shes going on holiday and has a new car but wants YOU to lend her £1k. Not on your nelly

She isn't in real need, she's buying a car and going on holiday!!

If she is ill why is she going on holiday? She should cancel on her insurance.

If not ill enough to do so, she should be working to solve her cash flow problem.

Also, I dont understand why you feel bad for her? she just got a new car and is off on holiday!

That's not really a cause for sympathy - loads of people can't afford to do either of those things, yet she is. She's actually pretty blessed

the answers no

you should never lend money with the expectation you will get it back. Can you afford to, lose £1k?

her lack of money is down to her choices, she bought a new car, she is still going on holiday, she chose to start a new job after leaving her old one. Why hasn’t she got her own savings to tide her over such events?

If she is prioritising going away on holiday and buying a car when she is short of money then do you think she will be prioritising paying you back?

if you can afford to GIVE her the money then do, but do not see it as a loan.

I fell out with a friend 20 years ago over money, I loaned her £500 which was huge at the time. She had just borrowed another £50 off me for a monthly bus pass to get to job interviews and then went to the bar like lady bountiful and spent more than half on a round of drinks - I asked how she would buy her bus ticket and said she shouldn’t be gifting drinks bought with my money - she went nuclear “how dare you tell me how to spend “MY money” and just stopped speaking to me. Borrowed from another friend the next day for the bus ticket saying I was a b*tch and refused to help her out. Got to the date she was supposed to repay and nothing, took months of badgering to get her to repay and only paid just before the trip I had saved it for came up - I suspect because I had been lamenting to friends that I was going to have to cancel my holiday. She repaid by borrowing from another friend. She bought designer bags, holidays etc… while not working and put them on credit cards - she moved into my house at one point by stealth and just ate all my food and lived off me! She was really really bad with money but happy to spend others, and yet had lovely qualities too and was a childhood friend who I miss. I wish I had never loaned her money!

If your friend is the type that buys cars and holidays when they are almost out of cash she might just need to scrimp this month! If it was me (and I am a but soft) I would say that your savings are in an account that you can’t withdraw from but you can loan £200-300 from your personal account. The £1000 will go on having a nicer holiday rather than essentials!

I would steer well clear OP. Some people do just feel that they're entitled to other peoples' money, if the other person has more than them. Unfortunately the sense of entitlement (and probably other factors around money management) can result in the money not making its way back to the lender. It's like they think of it as a valve that should only operate one way.