Am I being overly suspicious of my DD13?

[Notenoughsleeptoday]

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

At her age I (growing up on the Isle of Wight) got the ferry to Southampton and went shopping alone. Told my parents I was there with friends. No grooming risk etc but I loved the thrill of being somewhere that nobody knew I was. This was the late 90s. I remember getting bored and coming home, making up some story about the friends I’d been with.

if it was DC then I’d be livid about the lying.

Yes, he thinks I'm being very over the top.

I don't think there is an adult present – I bet she and a friend have just gone into London together. Because there's no way a parent would let a child go without lunch if their card didn't work. If she won't answer, send her a text telling her to stay put in Westfield and that you're coming to get her. Bet she calls back then.

I don't think there is an adult present – I bet she and a friend have just gone into London together. Because there's no way a parent would let a child go without lunch if their card didn't work. If she won't answer, send her a text telling her to stay put in Westfield and that you're coming to get her. Bet she calls back then.

Really? Are you prone to anxiety? Or is he just trying to piss you off? Because we’re talking about a 13 year old here not 17

If it was me I’d go there myself and find her now that she’s not answering her phone. Too many fibs to be trusted with a mobile phone or going out with friends alone for the foreseeable.

Sorry, not sure why that's repeated!

As everyone says, she’s lying to you.

She's not out with her mates and their mum, she’s met a boy/man.

Obviously, she’s not going to answer her phone now because she’s knows you’re on to her.

Yeah it doesn’t add up
a stern word when she is back but I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to go to Stratford and get her

IMO your dh should have discreetly waited until the friends turned up

My DS is 14. I would not allow him to go to another town with just other teenagers, if an adult was supposed to be going I'd want a proper handover at the start of the day. Even in town I wait until he's met up with his friends before leaving. Kids that sort of age are still young and vulnerable and I've seen all too close the heartbreak and carnage that online grooming and other inappropriate "friendships" causes.

Why would another mum buy her ticket?

I have been that 13 year old that told lies to get to London… honestly I would pretend you don’t suspect her and let her go. She will be fine. But just make sure before then your remind her (during an unrelated conversation) that whenever she needs you, wherever she is, she can call if there’s a problem and she won’t be in trouble.

This, next it will be the phone didn’t ring through, no signal, didn’t hear phone…. Or turn the phone off and say her battery had died.

You can check with the bank to see which location her card had been used......I'd be starting there. Then massively curbing her freedom, she obviously doesn't have the maturity right now.

My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Can't help thinking this might be a contributing factor. WHY would your husband "insist" that you were wrong and your daughter was right when he had absolutely no way of knowing? If she's inclined to lie then she'll be emboldened to lie if one parent is automatically taking her "side" against the other one. That's no good. However, if she HAD honestly confused "Stratford" with "Seaford" (or whatever) wouldn't that discussion have reminded her to clarify the correct destination?

I'd be curious to see if she actually has a pair of boots. I have to say, if I lied to my parents and went somewhere I'm not allowed to go, I wouldn't be texting them over and over from that location asking for help!!

Well said and well put. I have an almost 18 year old and his safety is still worrying no matter how old he is. Getting mixed up in the wrong crowd, peer pressure. Worrying about your children doesn't stop at any age really.

No! You're not being overly suspicious. Quite the reverse..Your gut is telling you she's up to something. You need to find out what..

You are right, there would be no way to find her there.

She's text back saying she can't talk on the phone as it's so busy and hard to have a converation. I asked for the mum's number, which she gave me and she said she's catching the train home in 45 minutes. So we'll find out in about two hours who she is with.

Btw no way does Zara only accept card. That’s a lie there

Given the amount of online grooming and scamming that's happenig these days, I think all parents should be concerned about a scenario like this.

Really worrying situation. As she has been lying so much and now not answering the phone.If you know where she is in Stratford, I would be calling the Warwickshire police to find her. She is only 13 and I'd be concerned she has been groomed or is meeting someone dodgy......

With your husband being rather laid back about it, can you be sure she hasn’t asked him to go and it’s been decided to not tell you? I’m hoping this is the case and it’s not that she’s met someone she shouldn’t have.

She means Stratford in East London.

She means Stratford in London I think. There is a huge shopping centre there.

This must be incredibly worrying. I’d be taking her phone and looking through it immediately. She is a dreadful liar (thankfully!).