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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being overly suspicious of my DD13?

356 replies

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 13:28

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

OP posts:
YourPoliteLeader · 17/01/2026 13:48

Does she have any siblings who may know more?

Zanatdy · 17/01/2026 13:49

I doubt a mum is there. They are clearly alone.

YourPoliteLeader · 17/01/2026 13:49

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 13:37

Wow thank you. I was convinced that you'd all tell me I was putting 2 and 2 together and making 100!

I wasn't worried about her going to the next town over because she has a school friend who lives there so she's done that journey before, so I didn't think to check anything out. I've never known her to behave like this before.

Is your husband making you feel like you’re being overly suspicious?

ApplebyArrows · 17/01/2026 13:50

I would not have given her money after finding out she was actually in Stratford. She lied to you; she doesn't get to be rewarded with cute boots.

I think dad probably should have waited for the others to turn up before leaving her at the station, too.

BillieWiper · 17/01/2026 13:50

DameOfThrones · 17/01/2026 13:41

Christ, the security at Westfield can't even keep on top of the shoplifters and the gangs hanging around.

There's no way they're going to do that.

They'll just suggest the OP phones the police.

Yeah, it's like the biggest shopping center in London isn't it? That's if she's at the centre and not at some randoms house?

Evaporateandlisten · 17/01/2026 13:51

I would be on my way there asap.

Dolly34 · 17/01/2026 13:51

The friend’s mum is 100% not with her OP. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was with one other friend and they were both spinning the same stories to both you and the friend’s mum.
She’s having you on, and I’m sorry to say you’re falling for it - girls can be are manipulated little brats. I’d be going down to Stratford and dragging her home - do not tolerate any type of lie, even if it seemingly looks like a coincidence.

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 13:53

MadeForThis · 17/01/2026 13:40

It’s definitely suspicious. Just not clear what she is lying about yet. Keep an eye on her location and when it looks like she’s on the train home I would be there waiting to see who gets off with her.

Yes, good idea. I think I'll do this.

She had no reason to lie about this scenario. I had no problem with her going alone to the next town and I had no problem going to London with an adult. (I wouldn't trust her to navigate around London with other 13 year olds and I wouldn't trust her to navigate the massive London train stations and catch the right train home).

I didn't even have a problem with the waste of money on the boots, as it was her Christmas money from various relatives, so she could technically afford it.

Each of these situations, she had provided explanations for, but there's just too many for it to be a coincidence.

I've tried phoning her and she's not picking up. I don't have anyone else's number

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/01/2026 13:53

Can you track her phone to see where she is? I agree that I wouldn’t have transferred money when she’d lied to me.

JanuaryJasmine · 17/01/2026 13:53

She never said the Mum was going shopping!

she said she was going shopping with friends
she said one of the mums was buying the tickets

posters have just assumed the mum was going.

Swiftie1878 · 17/01/2026 13:54

It’s not just suspicious. She’s blatantly lied to you! You need a chat with her about trust and how long it takes to build and how easily it is lost.

MimiGC · 17/01/2026 13:55

DameOfThrones · 17/01/2026 13:41

Christ, the security at Westfield can't even keep on top of the shoplifters and the gangs hanging around.

There's no way they're going to do that.

They'll just suggest the OP phones the police.

You beat me to it. That suggestion -that the security staff in Westfield Stratford would either understand or be willing to help out in this kind of situation- could only be made by someone who has never spent any time there!

Readytotryagain · 17/01/2026 13:56

@JanuaryJasmine it says the child’s ticket is only £1 when traveling with a adult, so I assumed the adult would be travelling with them I.e mum

AhBiscuits · 17/01/2026 13:57

Hmm, that does sound pretty sus. Meeting her off the train is a good idea.

ChocHotolate · 17/01/2026 14:00

Assuming she is at Westfield in Stratford, looking for her there would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. It is a massive complex with multiple beaches, levels and exits.
I’d probably wait for her to come home and go from there

Namechangedforthis25 · 17/01/2026 14:02

You won’t be able to find her at Westfield -it’s absolutely massive with 100s of shops across multiple levels and buildings/courtyards. She could be anywhere

that said- you could still head there and call her and ask where she is.

I don’t know -I am worried for you that she is with a groomer to be honest. The cash thing would make me the most nervous

zebrazoop · 17/01/2026 14:03

All sounds very suspicious to me , agree meeting her off the train

CrotchetyQuaver · 17/01/2026 14:03

How good is your location tracker for her?
id be going up there with husband to track her down and bring her home if it's only an hour away.

she's obviously lied to you and won't answer phone? I'd be very suspicious she was on her own and had arranged to meet up with someone she'd met online...

Grammarninja · 17/01/2026 14:05

She's definitely up to something.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 17/01/2026 14:05

I remember being 13 and this sounds exactly like the kind of shenanigans I was pulling at that age. I thought I was sooo slick. Pretty normal for that age so I wouldn’t be too worried, but I’d definitely be annoyed. Have a stern chat and get to the bottom of it, talk to the other mum and make it very clear to her that she isn’t as slick as she thinks.

SingedSoul · 17/01/2026 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Why so rude? All she did was miss a sentence when she skim read. Calm down.

Piknik · 17/01/2026 14:07

I don't believe the other mum is with her.

I think meeting the train is a good idea. And in future make sure you have numbers of some of her friends and their parents.

DameOfThrones · 17/01/2026 14:07

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 17/01/2026 14:05

I remember being 13 and this sounds exactly like the kind of shenanigans I was pulling at that age. I thought I was sooo slick. Pretty normal for that age so I wouldn’t be too worried, but I’d definitely be annoyed. Have a stern chat and get to the bottom of it, talk to the other mum and make it very clear to her that she isn’t as slick as she thinks.

Same, but then again when I was 13 there was no such thing as internet grooming or being catfished.

Mcdhotchoc · 17/01/2026 14:07

In the words of Judge Judy, you can tell when a teenager is lying because their mouths are moving.
When she gets home you need to have a really frank conversation about lying.
That the boundaries she knows she has ( eg fine to go to Stratford with friends and an adult) are there for a good reason. That relaxing of boundaries is based on trust, not lying

Grammarninja · 17/01/2026 14:08

Can you please update us with who gets off the train? So invested now!