Am I being overly suspicious of my DD13?

[Notenoughsleeptoday]

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

If she really is on her way home I’d be looking at the trains and picking her up!

I’d be phoning the mum just now.

Good lord in the heavens above.
I knew there'd be a fib about why she cant talk on phone. Like someone else above said. Jeez, Louise. How long would it take for you to get to Stratford mum and does her tracker give rhe exact location. We have 360 and mine tells me even the area of the college my son is, it will say tech wing. Or library area. Does yours do that? Or is it just WESTFIELDS 2 mins ago?

Good you've heard from her. You and your DH need a conversation about why she felt the need to tell such a big lie. Are you super-strict? Would you have said no if she'd asked? Are there any other problems at home that might be making her act up?

Who even is the mum and how come op doesn't know any of her friends ???!!!! Bit odd.

Sounds suspicious and a break in trust here

Yeah, with a furious face on!!!

She's lying and she's only 13.

Do you have anyway of checking with the other mum to see if the friend is with her?

Hopefully she's with friends rather than a stranger she got talking to online.

Don't tip her off that you know as if she's with a groomer, it will play into their hands and she's likely to stay away longer out of fear of facing the consequences when she get home.

Meet her at the train station.

When she gets home:
1 - serious discussion on safety & lies
2 - tracker put on her phone
3 - being able to conform with other mums on any future trips

I wouldn’t keep gifting her money right after discovering she lied. She isn’t where she said, she probably isn’t with who she said. I’d be telling her to get her ass back home right now. No to the boots, no to lunch and your grounded.

Silly of her to lie in this day and age where she can be traced.

if she has been to London without permission then I’d be sanctioning her and she’d be on a tight leash for a while.

I would give the mum a call and just casually ask what time they are expected back so you can be there to collect your daughter at the station (more so just to hear her voice and try and gauge if she is the friends mum) in your daughters defence I don’t think my daughter would have asked the mum to pay for dinner and take cash either she would of felt too shy.

Exactly this, I know a lot of my teenagers friends and parents. I’d have called the mum beforehand to check all was as it seems. Even now if they’re sleeping over, we all message to see how they are.

Your husband is a gullible idiot and sadly I think your daughter is up to no good and it probably involves a boy or drugs or some combination of those two things

At the very least she lied about where she's going. That's enough of a reason to fetch her home. It sounds like there is no friend's Mum present. She's needing wads of extra cash.

She's 13. I'd be going to Stratford pronto.

Although she seems to have come to no harm, which is of course a good thing, the cagey way she has parcelled out information suggests you do need to look into this

If I was you I would go in guns blazing about the lying but would then regret it. Im not sure it’s the best approach to get teens to open up. A calm discussion about safety and how important it is for you to know where she is and who she is with and how she needs to build your trust to get more freedom would probably be more productive. I’d def be doing some phone checking too.

She's totally up to something.

One of mine did something similar at 15. He was very particular about where and when he needed to be picked up, outside McDonald's, near the theatre he'd been to with friends. So particular in fact that I decided to turn up half an hour early.

DH thought I was being overly suspicious, but he was a compliant teen himself.

Anyway, we drove over to Mc Donalds and sat in the car, at the back of the carpark, just watching. Around 5 mins before our designated pick up time, a car full of teen drove in. They hadn't been to the movies, they had been at a party. Our son saw us as he got out of the car, you could see the look of panic on his face when he realised he'd been caught out red handed.

Can't pull the wool over the eyes of a mother who would have been one step ahead of you as a teen herself!

Stupid thing is, he would have been allowed to go to the party, it's the being driven by another teen that we would have objected to. I would have dropped him off and picked him up, even dropped him off a bit down the street if being dropped off by a parent was too embarrassing.

Anyway, we didn't need to say much, he was mortified and grounded for a while for the lie. He still doesn't know that his own mother was much worse behaved at his age. Now, all we are trying to do is keep them safe.

Hopefully you'll get her home safely soon and then get to the bottom of it all.

Why couldn't she use the card to pay for lunch given she had £30 left over on it after buying the boots?

Shamelessly place marking cos I really need to know the truth now!

I’d want a quick chat with her to check she is really ok.

The lying would make me furious. That alone needs a discussion and I’d stop moving her money - she won’t starve by missing lunch and she’ll learn from her actions it’s not acceptable. You don’t trust her no more cash.
Id be picking her up and no more money for a while with natural consequence for the rest of it

At 13? That’s a wild allegation - they probably just wanted the freedom to go shopping without an adult. No need to scaremonger ffs

Id be concerned she's with an older boy/young man. I used to be similar as a teen , wasn't so much sneaking out as my mum didn't care but I'd still lie to her. Would be miles away in someone much olders flat smoking weed. Go get her if you can and make sure she's ok.

I'm sure this is just teenage boundary pushing and she'll be back later and in need of a good talking to nip this in the bud.
As a teen, my DM never stopped me from going out but she always insisted on knowing where I was heading to, the names of my friends and where they lived.
She always said, if the worst happens and the police knock at the door, saying your DC is "somewhere, with some people" just wouldn't even give them a clue of how to help me if I needed it.