Aibu for feeling upset tonight at DH and DB for being a pair of unhelpful gits?

[Chinsupmeloves]

Today, I was out at work, did the shopping, while DH as usual wfh. I took the kids round to DB's after dinner and they had a great time. Came home about 9pm and I had forgotten my handbag amidst all the bags I was carrying plus walking our dog.

At this point I was tired, was annoyed at myself so asked if DB would walk half way to meet me and bring it. Would also have been nice if DH had offered to meet half way but wasn't expecting it. It's literally 10 mins and that little act of kindness would have meant a lot. But nope, my fault, neither could be bothered, so I went out again in the dark alone (not that this bothers me) to get my bag.

Just felt so disappointed in both of them. DH has had the whole day wfh (not a stressful one) and evening to himself and DB is between jobs. I, on the other hand, left the house at 7am, barely got a break at work, then went back out again with DC and eventually wanted to relax.

Would it really have been that much for them to leave the house they had been in all day and night to help me out?

You'd be embarrassed if your husband offered to do something kind for you? Well that's weird.

Totally.

Agreed.

Especially if the reason you forgot was because you were herding your joint kids out of a place you'd taken them too and he'd had a peaceful evening.

No, I’d be embarrassed to let him. If he offered I would just tell him not to be daft.

Again weird.

Yep, I probably am weird. I’m autistic and used to everyone thinking that 😂

Yeah this. I wouldn’t expect it and I wouldn’t do it for my partner if the tables were turned, nor would I go out and meet you with it if I was your brother so I think YABU.

I mean, they went to their uncles for a takeaway and OP had a couple of drinks while there, it’s not like she was running them to multiple activities while their dad sat on their arse.

Would your husband never offer to make you a cup of tea? Drive you to a doctors appointment? Run you a bath?

I personally would rather be single than be in a relationship where small acts of kindness are seen as embarrassing or transactional.

I don’t think it’s up to your brother to bring it to you, even meeting halfway. If I’d just hosted people for the evening (even a takeaway for a small group requires effort- containers to recycle, plates and glasses to wash, general tidying up) and afterwards one of them wanted me to deliver their bag to them that they left, I wouldn’t be wanting to do it! I don’t really see why I should? It’s just not your brothers task to do.

Your husband however. Well, you didn’t actually ask him to get your bag for you. But the way you talk about the unequal split in household tasks etc, sounds like bigger problems than just the bag collecting (or lack of).

You said it.

Last week I remembered 15 minutes before closing is not picked up medication before the weekend.

I said aloud
"Shit, I forgot to collect my meds".

DH grabbed the keys and said he'd be back in 5.

Must admit I'd be embarrassed, too. If I'm absolutely in pieces, sobbing on the floor, then yes it's nice to have help and support. But in all other circumstances I'd rather fix my own mistakes.

Well that’s the thing with these threads. It’s always representative of a bigger problem where someone isn’t being considered in the relationship. It’s usually the last straw.

Someone making me a cup of tea or running me a bath isn’t the same as expecting them to go out in the dark and cold because I’ve forgotten something.

As for driving me to an appointment - no - I’d only expect that if I was expecting bad news or wouldn’t be able to drive home myself.

Yep, it doesn’t bother me so it’s not the insult you apparently think it is.

Rubbish. If someone had expected it of the OP and she hadn’t offered or had even outright refused everyone (apart from a select few doormats) would say good for her because someone’s forgotten bag isn’t her problem

And that’s lovely. And I bet at other times you do nice things for him too.

It just makes life so much more pleasant.

The OP doesn’t sound like a wimp at all like some people are portraying her. But it’s nice sometimes to just get a bit of support.

Not an insult just reflecting your own words back to you so maybe you’re the outlier not the OP and so best she ignores you.

Isn’t it? You can make your own tea, why should I have to make it for you? You’re capable of running your own bath, why should I have to go upstairs and do that just because you’ve decided you want one?

To me the principle is the same- someone is doing something for you that you “should” do yourself, because they care about you.

You keep using the word “expecting”- it’s not about expecting or being entitled to anything, it’s about being in mutually loving and respectful relationship where you want to do nice kind things for one another.

Well, of course OP is free to ignore or listen to whoever she wants - it's not up to you to decide that for her though.

OP asked if she was being unreasonable so it's probably good that she's had a variety of responses.

So you drove home from your brother's originally with the children?
Then had drinks at home so couldn't drive back?
Is that the Timeline?

My DP would have walked back rather than leave me out at 9pm, slightly tipsy and potentially vulnerable.

For me, there's a big difference between making someone a cup of tea in a room two foot away, and expecting them to get dressed, go out in the cold and walk to collect something I'd left behind. But as it happens, DH and I never make each other cups of tea or run each other baths so it's all a bit moot.

I wouldn't particularly want him to either, to be honest, I prefer to do things for myself. I love DH and support him in plenty of ways (as he does me) but we're both neurodiverse and probably very "odd" compared to most.

Exactly. I don't believe for a second that all these posters would say OP should go out in the dark and cold to collect her husbands bag/wallet, lol.