Aibu for feeling upset tonight at DH and DB for being a pair of unhelpful gits?

[Chinsupmeloves]

Today, I was out at work, did the shopping, while DH as usual wfh. I took the kids round to DB's after dinner and they had a great time. Came home about 9pm and I had forgotten my handbag amidst all the bags I was carrying plus walking our dog.

At this point I was tired, was annoyed at myself so asked if DB would walk half way to meet me and bring it. Would also have been nice if DH had offered to meet half way but wasn't expecting it. It's literally 10 mins and that little act of kindness would have meant a lot. But nope, my fault, neither could be bothered, so I went out again in the dark alone (not that this bothers me) to get my bag.

Just felt so disappointed in both of them. DH has had the whole day wfh (not a stressful one) and evening to himself and DB is between jobs. I, on the other hand, left the house at 7am, barely got a break at work, then went back out again with DC and eventually wanted to relax.

Would it really have been that much for them to leave the house they had been in all day and night to help me out?

Of course it is but it's different to my job. I leave the house at 7.30am while he and DC are still in bed. They get dressed with clothes I've laid out washed and ironed. Meanwhile he logs on, works hard I know, but sat in our nice warm house drinking copious amounts of tea, freedom to go amd have a pee anytime.

Yes I sound and am resentful and this must come out and you're right, he probably doesn't like me very much.

He did leave his phone there once and because he had been out at work that day and it was my day off I did actually offer to get it!

You didn't ask, you just passive aggressively slumped and said oh great I have to go back out again. What did you expect? Not many people would fall over themselves to offer to pick up something their spouse left somewhere. The passive aggressive martyrish behaviour alone would make me not want to go! If you want something ask!

Agreed. I really hate this sort of hinting. I mean, DH probably would have gone for me anyway, but not because he'd think I'd had it harder than him because I'd gone to work, taken my kids 10 mins down the road for a takeaway, had a drink and forgotten it.

I think it's fine for them to expect you to get the thing you had forgotten. That's not the problem here. The problem is your DH "doesn't like to be told what to do' so you don't feel you can ask him for a small favour, and the other problem is you being passive aggressive.

Am assuming him with that response, why did you then mention that it was you who laid out the school clothes?
what’s that got to do with anything?

There is no way my DH would have let me do that OP. He might have joked about me losing my marbles but sat and watched me go out to fetch it? Not a chance.

His response was to say "Yeah equality"?
He doent like to be "told what to do".
It genuinely doesnt sound like he respects women in general or you in particilar.
Is there a history of sexist / misoginist behaviour by this prince among men?

My god, this guy wasn’t even asked to do a thing and is being berated based on some slack detail from a one sided post from an OP who’s tired, irritated and drank alcohol
as with 99% of these husband bashing posts on here it’s actually down to poor communication

So essentially you're mad at him because he's not a mind reader and he didn't go and collect the bag you left behind even though you didn't ask him to...

The thing is. Men don’t think. Did you actually ask them?

Yeah, this. You both worked a full day (wfh is still work) then it sounds like a lovely takeaway with your brother. It wouldn't cross my mind to ask for my DH to fetch something I'd forgotten after what sounds like quite a normal day. I'd be annoyed if there was an expectation for me to do it for him after I was settled in for the night

sounds like he’s happy to have equality when it benefits him but most likely not when it benefits you!

i’m assuming this is straw that broke the camels back and he’s generally selfish

Well, honestly, that’s just silly.

I agree with this

Also, if you aren't happy with the status quo of how things are at home, speak up.

You pointedly said about washing, ironing and laying out uniform, doing the shopping...speak up if you want to share the load more

Get delivery for shopping, make laundry a shared task. Don't be a martyr and then get annoyed when someone doesn't offer to do something

My partner would've made me a cup of tea before leaving to get it. It wouldn't cross his mind to not go and get it.

Fuck the bag! I would have opened another bottle of white wine and kept drinking. I would have kicked my shoes off and put my feet up after a hard day's work and amused myself wondering if I'd been a lesbian, surrounded by women, would they fetch and carry for me? Is checking your phone frequently a sign of neurosis? If I was an astronaut on a mission to the moon would I take a handbag? Is forgetfulness an early sign of dementia? Would anyone mind if I just slept it off on the sofa?

Well you didn't ask your DH to get it for you, it turns out.
What was your DB's reason for not meeting you half way after you asked?

Messages and emails could have waited til the morning. Ultimately it's your bag, your responsible to pick it up or fetch it if you forgot. It's not on your brother (who hosted, getting a takeaway doesn't mean he didn't host at his) or your husband should run around after you. People rule their lives by their phones, you should have used it as an opportunity for a screen free evening

What does "yeah equality!" mean?

Is he implying that yes, he knows you'd like him to go because you've had a really busy day but he thinks he shouldn't because of feminism, rather than seeing it as a simple act of kindness towards his wife?

It sounds like some sort of sly dig, possibly even quite spiteful?
How do you understand it?

I think almost everyone I know would offer to go in those circumstances. This thread is awful. We live in a time where the idea of being a bit helpful, a bit thoughtful and expecting that from anyone is an outrageous imposition. Sad.

Almost everyone you know would offer to go and get a bag someone else left behind? You must know a lot of very passive people.

The bag could have easily waited to be collected tomorrow it really wasn't a time sensitive necessity to go back straight away and retrieve it.

All the people going on about the unemployed brother "hosting" like he's laid on a state banquet. They got a takeaway. Big deal. And WFH is still working, there's a massive difference between sat at a laptop in a warm house with permanent access to a kettle and toilet and a teaching job.

Really? Almost everyone you know would go out at night in the dark and cold to walk to collect something that someone else had left behind?

You must know a lot of martyrs.